Interest or not

Tag: blog

  • I’m scared to talk to people. It’s a fear. I don’t often make small talk. I don’t chat with people I meet usually. I’m polite and appropriate when speaking with people I meet. At work I usually have little to share in a conversation and few words to add to topics of discussion. My work is manual labor and while communicating clearly is very important, verbal communication is limited in nature where I work. I’m not a boss, a supervisor and I don’t lead a team of workers. Other workers don’t usually look to me with most work related questions.

    I would like to be more talkative when I meet people. Almost every day I come in contact with people whether it is at work or shopping paying for products. Communication comes natural to me with people I know. People I know and care about are the individuals I speak to most. My family live very far away and when we speak it is usually over a phone call. I meet with a therapist regularly and speak to her in volumes and in depth conversations. The community I live in is new to me. I’m not from here. I live here for nearly nine years. I’ve met many people at work, though my temp to hire work makes opportunities to build relations with the same co-workers limited.

    I consider myself to be serious in most situations. I am a realist. I do offer light hearted comments to people that are more about sharing the moment than conveying a serious attitude. When I say something funny I make a point to convey that it is a joke and not to be considered too seriously. I’ve met many people while volunteering in the community. I’ve been active in many conversations with other volunteers and people in the community I’ve met while volunteering.

    I speak to my neighbors often. Speaking to neighbors is a good way to pass the time with people who have similar interests.

    speaking to a stranger is a challenge. Sometimes I’ll say hello to a stranger on the same path as me when I’m walking in public. There are challenges in life and life is worth living. Many challenges involve limited physical requirements. Speaking challenges require my voice and breath and lungs and mouth and jaw and lips and tongue. My body is strong and in good health. I have strong lungs. I move my mouth and lips and tongue and jaw with ease from moment to moment. Challenges meeting individuals who are new to me I’ve never met, and come in contact with for the first time are worth having.

    There is no reason to speak to most people I come in contact with in public. People I come in direct contact with happen most of the time when I’m walking in public, most often in a store or at a cafe.

    Meeting a person who is new to me for the first time I experience almost every day. This is often when I’m buying a product in a store from a person at work at a cash register. I enjoy the exchange of purchasing products and services on sale face to face in person with my money handing over to individuals at work.

    When I have the choice to pay for products at self checkout or with an individual working with a cash register nine out of ten times I make my purchase with the person. I enjoy the opportunity to look into someone’s eyes and watch their facial expression and listen to their voice while I speak to the person, in person.

    I like living in society apposed to living in solitude. I like living around people. I like seeing people every day in public. I want to instigate more conversations more often with strangers when I shop. Not just to the person at work with a cash register, also to persons shopping at the same time as me.

  • Human relations

    I’m trying to get the word nigger out of my thoughts. The n word doesn’t occupy my mind often, but when it does it’s deliberate. I don’t consider myself racist. I speak to people with respect appropriately that depends on the individual. When I was a teenage boy I repeatedly got in trouble, some of that trouble was with other black boys of similar age as me.

     In current news media the n word is shunned for good reasons. Most of my friends were white growing up. Sometimes we’d joke around and call each other dog or the n word in a friendly manner. I understand from learning US history the n word emotionally hurt many people and is very divisive. I remember using the n word once yelling at a black man who didn’t pay me for driving him in a taxi cab to the destination he asked me to.

     There are less black people in the community I live in, in comparison to Los Angeles where I met and befriended many people from a variety of cultures. I learned a lot about people living in L.A. It’s my opportunity to not label a black person in my thoughts as anything else than human. A living breathing person who has feelings and feels encouragement and respect when those thoughts are present.

     Thoughts are things. I left my teenage years over 28 years ago. I’ve learned how to relate better to people since. I don’t feel guilty or ashamed for having thought the n word when coming in contact with a black person. I’m glad I don’t use it. The n word is a heavy thought. It’s my old psychological baggage I let go of. We are a free country, free to live and love and prosper.

    I’m making the world a better place letting go of old psychological baggage and wishing readers health and happiness. This post is meant to encourage continued good relations with people of all colors.

  • At a bar in town it’s almost last call

    It’s almost 2am. I’m in my home office at my desk. There are things to do. Often over the years I wake up early in the morning around 2am. I’m awake for a while then go back to sleep. It’s a cool spring night. There’s not much going on here. My neighborhood sounds quiet from here inside. In town it’s close to last call at a bar.

    Asleep in bed in my dream I was at an airport. Present day. A woman was having sex on a table in front of a group of people. Another woman was sitting on the smooth solid floor with her back against the wall and legs straight out in front of her. I walked to her and offered my hand to her. We walked away and left the airport together. I don’t know the name of the city where we were in the airport. We left on foot. She didn’t need to fly on an airplane. We left together.

    My grandparents had a membership to the Ogden Golf Club. When we were young children my sisters and I would visit our grandparents in summer. They brought us golfing at the club. I remember mostly practicing with a putter. The club had a pool were we went swimming and ate lunch at a restaurant. Back at our grandparents home my grandpa showed me a coffee cup with a hole in one message imprinted on it he won at the golf club.

    Earlier in the day I visited a book store. I’m 47. A woman at the book store sold me a Magazine about Oregon and told me of a good restaurant near the coast. The woman is beautiful. Her smile is pretty. The shirt she wore at work covered her tits. I thanked her for selling me the Magazine.

    Life is good