Interest or not

Tag: homelessness

  • Avoiding temptation and focusing on what’s good

    I’m at home sitting at my desk.

    Yesterday I went to a local park with a basketball court and brought my basketball. A mom was shooting hoops on the other side of the court with her two young children. I practiced by myself at one end shooting hoops and worked up a little sweat and got my heart pumping. A man was seated on a bench in the shade. One of the kids playing with his family on the court walked over to the man and they started talking. I think the man was probably the child’s dad.

    After a while of me making about 70% of the shots in the basket a young woman with her dog showed up near the court and sat down in the sunlight along the wall. She was beautiful. It was obvious to me that she was also homeless. She looked like she needed a new set of clothes and a shower and a good meal. I noticed that her breasts were hanging almost all the way out of her shirt. I continued shooting hoops and locked eyes with her several times.

    After a while she got up and walked with her dog to where she sat at a picnic table in the shade beside a homeless man.

    I was tempted to approach her and offer to buy her a meal. I didn’t. When I was done on the basketball court I set my basketball in my minivan, locked it and walked over to the calisthenics equipment in the park and exercised for a while. A woman and child were sitting on the grass talking. A man was sitting and reading in the shade under a large tree.

    My thoughts kept going back to the beautiful young homeless woman.

    When I was done exercising, I drove home. On the drive home I thought more about the beautiful young homeless woman and hoped she was able to find safety and the things she needed to get housing.

    I knew better. I knew from my own experience when I was homeless that although in one day a person can go from homeless to being housed it’s a process that takes a lot of time, days weeks and months of safe steady support in a stable healthy environment through the help of many people focused on helping a homeless person back into housing. That’s not my work.

    Sometimes I buy a homeless person a meal or hand a homeless person several dollars or my pocket change. I don’t trust that giving a homeless person I do not know more than a few dollars is a wise decision to make as a gift.

    I’m glad I didn’t approach the young beautiful homeless woman. I’m glad I didn’t speak to her. Looking her in the eyes was enough.

    Was she exposing her breasts to me on purpose or was she trying to be comfortable is not my business. I knew I could not help her and knew that approaching her would tempt me in ways that would not get her into permanent housing.

    Thinking more about the healthy strong families there in peace visiting the park while I exercised helped me to not lust after the beautiful young nearly topless homeless woman I could not help.

    I hope the homeless woman who was at the park makes it to where she is safe and supported and gets the help she needs to get into safe stable housing and a better future.

  • Things sometimes taken for granted

    I just turned on the heat in my home for the first time this Fall. After adjusting the thermostat to the desired temperature heat began flowing through the floor vents within two minutes where air conditioning flowed in the summer. I am so grateful and fortunate to have a home. It’s an apartment and I lease it. I was homeless for six years of my adult life. Most nights of those six years homeless I slept outside under the stars. I knew many cold nights. Cold snowy, icy winter Colorado nights. Nights where I kept moving to stave off the cold, stopping just long enough to rest and then walking through the night to keep from freezing to death until a bus station opened or a cafe when I could afford a cup of coffee. Some of those nights I was welcomed into warming centers for the homeless. Some nights I had a cot reserved in a homeless shelter. Some of those nights a Church and a Synagogue opened their doors as warming centers for homeless people where I stayed. Without the volunteers and donations that afforded me shelter on some of the coldest nights I would not be alive. Volunteers providing free health care and free meals helped to keep me alive and pushing through while I was homeless.

    I had stopped taking my prescribed medication for schizophrenia several years before my debilitated mental health forced me from the home I rented, onto the streets. While I was homeless I didn’t take medication. My refusal to take medication was a major contributing factor why I was homeless for six years.

    I lost all my belongings while I was homeless other than the clothes I wore and a backpack with supplies for living outside.

    Since then I started over. I was placed in a psychiatric hospital where I started taking medication and my recovery began. Recovery has been a long process. I still feel paranoia sometimes that makes no logical sense though through taking my medication every day my mental health has improved very much.

    It is perhaps simple for a person who has always lived in their home to take air conditioning and heat for granted. As people age they eventually start paying their own bills including utilities and might not take heat and air conditioning for granted the way they could have as a child.

    Growing up my home was always warm enough in the winter and if we didn’t have air conditioning we opened the windows to cool the place. That was normal to me. I took the warmth of home when it was cold outside for granted.

    At 18 I was working full time and moved into my own place, and began to pay all my bills. Paying my bills was an accomplishment. The feeling of independence from my family felt good.

    I had stable housing from when I was born until I was 27 when I became bipolar.

    I became homeless because I was using illegal drugs, stopped taking my medication and was emotionally strung out about a relationship with a woman that did not go the way I wanted it to.

    I had very little money when I was homeless and stopped using illegal drugs. I was single and not very eligible giving the conditions I was living in. My behavior was irrational and ability to communicate deteriorated significantly.

    I am very fortunate that my medication is affordable. Taking my medication every day has helped my recovery to this day. I can hold down intellectual conversations. I understand what people say when speaking to me. I regained control of my behavior.

    I lease my apartment. I have a job working as a laborer. I pay all my bills on time. I have a car and a pet dog. I live in a safe neighborhood and thriving community.

    My life is far from perfect and I have many things to be grateful and thankful for. I receive S.S.D.I. and I can go back to work full time and get off S.S.D.I. one day. Receiving S.S.D.I. is a blessing. Very many Americans are to thank for Social Security. You’ve probably paid into Social Security in your taxes and so have I.

    It’s good to be an American and a U.S. Citizen living in United States. I disagree with much of the current Administration in the White House in D.C. decisions they’ve made and policies and that is my right to disagree with politics I don’t believe in. Remember to vote.

    Many Americans become homeless for reasons outside of their control. I am lucky and fortunate that I was given the opportunity to recover in a safe and stable environment. I have many blessings and am a lucky man. I am a success story. While living in low income housing and working as a laborer at 47 years old might not look successful to many people, I am living the life I dreamed of when I was living on the streets.