Interest or not

Tag: writing

  • I miss my friends

    This sounds cheesy but cheese is good. I miss my friends I met in Elementary School who I grew up with and attended middle school and high school with. I miss seeing my friends almost every day and spending time with them. I moved far away from my home town where I was brought up far from my friends who stayed.

    People grow up and start families and build careers and have less time for friends when raising their own family and working to pay their mortgage and save money for their children’s college education and to have for their retirement. That’s life.

    I moved half way across the country to Medford Oregon not knowing anyone other than some of my family who have since moved very far away from Southern Oregon. It’s just me here. Me and my pet dog. A good thing about being in Medford is every day I see people I’ve never met for the first time and have opportunities to make new friends.

    I’m 47 and it seems as the years go by the harder it is to meet new people and make new friends. I haven’t been in College for nearly 30 years and meeting people outside of school is not as easy. Good friends don’t come easy.

    I’ve never been married and am not a father. I could still bring children into the world with a good woman and that would be a challenge for the ages. challenges are good to have and build strength and resilience to adversity.

    A good thing about being in Medford is I’m very far away from people I once called friends who did not look out for me and did not have my best interest in their minds. Some of the people I once called friends were bad influences, self destructive and reckless. They needed healing, correction and recovery. They are far away in space and time and of the distant past.

    It’s better this way. I want to make new friends here in Medford who look out for me and have healthy habits and are of good character. I want to make new friends that are not in trouble with the law and have learned from mistakes either their own or from others. That’s a good thing about living in Medford. I don’t know trouble makers in Medford and I don’t know people in Medford who are in trouble with the law.

    When it comes to making new friends in Medford I’m on a new page to fill with good habits that strengthen community. While there’s no reason for me to detail past troubles I’ve experienced I don’t shy from talking about mistakes I’ve made with people I know. When meeting someone for the first time I don’t talk about past troubles. Speaking to someone I just met about past mistakes would be awkward and out of context given the healthy positive situations I find strength in every day.

    In Journal entries posted below are more details that include my successes and struggles.

    I’m glad I had the opportunity to leave my home town for many reasons and took it. Many people never move far from where they are born. I’ve travelled to many cities and states, some for work and mostly on vacation and visited a large handful of foreign countries over the years. I’ve always come back home to United States. The U.S. is where I’m from and is my home.

    I’m proud to be an American. The United States has many strengths and has many problems regardless of who POTUS is and how he or she goes about leading Americans and the role they play in the world. Responsible citizens work to make this country and the world a better place to live in. I believe that immigrants have many reasons to migrate out of the country where they were born. Most immigrants migrate for good reasons, are hard working and law abiding. That’s not the case in every situation, it never was. I’ve written more on the topic of migration in the posts below.

    Living in Medford Oregon is much different than my home town in Colorado. Oregon became a state 17 years before Colorado became a state. That seems odd to me. Some of my distant family members on my mom’s side of our family very long ago were Pioneers from Europe and settlers who arrived in Virginia on the Atlantic Ocean’s East Coast.

    On my dad’s side of our family my great great great Grandfather ( honestly it’s not clear to me how many generations ago) arrived in Ellis Island New York. Gradually over many generations our family settled further out west.

    Colorado is smack dab in the middle center of US and Oregon is on the farther North on the West Coast of the Pacific ocean. I’m not a history expert but it seems that when Pioneers moved out west in carriages on horseback they would have arrived on the land that is Colorado long before they arrived on the land that is Oregon.

    Good friends don’t come easy. Wish me luck.

  • I’m scared to talk to people. It’s a fear. I don’t often make small talk. I don’t chat with people I meet usually. I’m polite and appropriate when speaking with people I meet. At work I usually have little to share in a conversation and few words to add to topics of discussion. My work is manual labor and while communicating clearly is very important, verbal communication is limited in nature where I work. I’m not a boss, a supervisor and I don’t lead a team of workers. Other workers don’t usually look to me with most work related questions.

    I would like to be more talkative when I meet people. Almost every day I come in contact with people whether it is at work or shopping paying for products. Communication comes natural to me with people I know. People I know and care about are the individuals I speak to most. My family live very far away and when we speak it is usually over a phone call. I meet with a therapist regularly and speak to her in volumes and in depth conversations. The community I live in is new to me. I’m not from here. I live here for nearly nine years. I’ve met many people at work, though my temp to hire work makes opportunities to build relations with the same co-workers limited.

    I consider myself to be serious in most situations. I am a realist. I do offer light hearted comments to people that are more about sharing the moment than conveying a serious attitude. When I say something funny I make a point to convey that it is a joke and not to be considered too seriously. I’ve met many people while volunteering in the community. I’ve been active in many conversations with other volunteers and people in the community I’ve met while volunteering.

    I speak to my neighbors often. Speaking to neighbors is a good way to pass the time with people who have similar interests.

    speaking to a stranger is a challenge. Sometimes I’ll say hello to a stranger on the same path as me when I’m walking in public. There are challenges in life and life is worth living. Many challenges involve limited physical requirements. Speaking challenges require my voice and breath and lungs and mouth and jaw and lips and tongue. My body is strong and in good health. I have strong lungs. I move my mouth and lips and tongue and jaw with ease from moment to moment. Challenges meeting individuals who are new to me I’ve never met, and come in contact with for the first time are worth having.

    There is no reason to speak to most people I come in contact with in public. People I come in direct contact with happen most of the time when I’m walking in public, most often in a store or at a cafe.

    Meeting a person who is new to me for the first time I experience almost every day. This is often when I’m buying a product in a store from a person at work at a cash register. I enjoy the exchange of purchasing products and services on sale face to face in person with my money handing over to individuals at work.

    When I have the choice to pay for products at self checkout or with an individual working with a cash register nine out of ten times I make my purchase with the person. I enjoy the opportunity to look into someone’s eyes and watch their facial expression and listen to their voice while I speak to the person, in person.

    I like living in society apposed to living in solitude. I like living around people. I like seeing people every day in public. I want to instigate more conversations more often with strangers when I shop. Not just to the person at work with a cash register, also to persons shopping at the same time as me.

  • Things sometimes taken for granted

    I just turned on the heat in my home for the first time this Fall. After adjusting the thermostat to the desired temperature heat began flowing through the floor vents within two minutes where air conditioning flowed in the summer. I am so grateful and fortunate to have a home. It’s an apartment and I lease it. I was homeless for six years of my adult life. Most nights of those six years homeless I slept outside under the stars. I knew many cold nights. Cold snowy, icy winter Colorado nights. Nights where I kept moving to stave off the cold, stopping just long enough to rest and then walking through the night to keep from freezing to death until a bus station opened or a cafe when I could afford a cup of coffee. Some of those nights I was welcomed into warming centers for the homeless. Some nights I had a cot reserved in a homeless shelter. Some of those nights a Church and a Synagogue opened their doors as warming centers for homeless people where I stayed. Without the volunteers and donations that afforded me shelter on some of the coldest nights I would not be alive. Volunteers providing free health care and free meals helped to keep me alive and pushing through while I was homeless.

    I had stopped taking my prescribed medication for schizophrenia several years before my debilitated mental health forced me from the home I rented, onto the streets. While I was homeless I didn’t take medication. My refusal to take medication was a major contributing factor why I was homeless for six years.

    I lost all my belongings while I was homeless other than the clothes I wore and a backpack with supplies for living outside.

    Since then I started over. I was placed in a psychiatric hospital where I started taking medication and my recovery began. Recovery has been a long process. I still feel paranoia sometimes that makes no logical sense though through taking my medication every day my mental health has improved very much.

    It is perhaps simple for a person who has always lived in their home to take air conditioning and heat for granted. As people age they eventually start paying their own bills including utilities and might not take heat and air conditioning for granted the way they could have as a child.

    Growing up my home was always warm enough in the winter and if we didn’t have air conditioning we opened the windows to cool the place. That was normal to me. I took the warmth of home when it was cold outside for granted.

    At 18 I was working full time and moved into my own place, and began to pay all my bills. Paying my bills was an accomplishment. The feeling of independence from my family felt good.

    I had stable housing from when I was born until I was 27 when I became bipolar.

    I became homeless because I was using illegal drugs, stopped taking my medication and was emotionally strung out about a relationship with a woman that did not go the way I wanted it to.

    I had very little money when I was homeless and stopped using illegal drugs. I was single and not very eligible giving the conditions I was living in. My behavior was irrational and ability to communicate deteriorated significantly.

    I am very fortunate that my medication is affordable. Taking my medication every day has helped my recovery to this day. I can hold down intellectual conversations. I understand what people say when speaking to me. I regained control of my behavior.

    I lease my apartment. I have a job working as a laborer. I pay all my bills on time. I have a car and a pet dog. I live in a safe neighborhood and thriving community.

    My life is far from perfect and I have many things to be grateful and thankful for. I receive S.S.D.I. and I can go back to work full time and get off S.S.D.I. one day. Receiving S.S.D.I. is a blessing. Very many Americans are to thank for Social Security. You’ve probably paid into Social Security in your taxes and so have I.

    It’s good to be an American and a U.S. Citizen living in United States. I disagree with much of the current Administration in the White House in D.C. decisions they’ve made and policies and that is my right to disagree with politics I don’t believe in. Remember to vote.

    Many Americans become homeless for reasons outside of their control. I am lucky and fortunate that I was given the opportunity to recover in a safe and stable environment. I have many blessings and am a lucky man. I am a success story. While living in low income housing and working as a laborer at 47 years old might not look successful to many people, I am living the life I dreamed of when I was living on the streets.

  • It’s a peaceful life in the North West. Early Fall and the days are warm and nights are cold. It’s not much of a city here with the country side just down the road. From here, and this is the biggest city for many miles. From far away and this feels like a town. All-nighter clubs and bars don’t exist. Most go home before dark. The community is quiet at night. The highway through town brings travelers from across the country and their haul. Timber, pears and seafood from the west coast.

    I worry about illegal hauls, drug runners from south of the border poisoning the community with addiction. It’s a fierce battle for peoples health and safety, freedom and livelihood. The addiction is real, young kids get hooked on a drug growing up making bad decisions and risking it all. Keep your eyes open and nose clean. Word to the wise.

    I grew up one day, made better decisions than when I was a young man. Still the scars are on peoples lips at work, scars from bad decisions made they’re paying for to this day. Work is labor, it’s not the office kind. Work is controlling traffic at a construction zone. Good for a young man not in college trying to get by. Good for an older man who didn’t graduate college and still has the strength to stand for eight hours on the side of a road for a days pay.

    No hi paying salary here, that’s for a career at a desk. Sometimes I wonder what will become of me when I no longer have the strength to work on my feet laboring day by day. I hope to live long and in peace, one day with caretakers who keep me housed and fed. Keep your chin up.

    It’s a different kind of look into the future living paycheck to paycheck. Used to laboring for pay will come to an end one day. It’s not a future where all needs are met and then some. Being thrifty goes a long way. Limited money speaks for itself. It is worth living. Making the most of every day.

  • Timing

    Have you ever heard, “timing is everything” I’ve heard this statement time and time again from a young age growing up. In today’s world so much happens in 24 hours. On news reports that are aired to the public, the public receives the report instantly in the case of live news. Similarly making a live feed on TikTok or Facebook have a similar effect. This is the world humanity have adopted and growing into. Time’s have changed. Growing up cell phones did not exist. When there was news to share it was face to face in person. Time to tell a story and receive the story was at a human pace. Cellphones changed the way we communicate. To call someone we used to have to be home to place a call or at a payphone at a fixed location. Or at work. With cellphones the instant we want to share a story we can dial the number and press send from almost anywhere including in flight. And have live video chat instantly with the person answering on their cellphone. I am lucky. I’ve seen both. When a live news report on television was not as common as prerecorded news reports. When I had to be at home or at work to place a call. And those calls did not include live video. They were not in flight.

    This was normal for me and everyone else. When cellphones were made available on the market people gradually bought them and service for them. It took years and years and years before most people owned a cellphone.

    This is not the case today. Younger generations are growing up going to elementary school with their cellphones. It’s considered more safe to have a cellphone for many reasons.

    News travels as fast as the click of a send button. Dizzying is a way to describe how fast technology has developed. Dizzying for older generations. Younger generations are growing into the ability to communicate instantly. That is normal these days.

    It’s so tempting to place an instant call to a person you know to tell them about a news report you just watched. While that is your choice remember the phrase “timing is everything” There are opportune moments to tell someone a story and there are inopportune moments to share a story. Humans are sensitive. Humans are more sensitive than any technology. Humans are more receptive than any technology.

    It might make sense to call a family member to tell them about something that happened instead of waiting until your with them in person and able to tell them face to face. Some things can wait to be said when you’re in person, other things are important to say on a phone call right away.

    I live alone. My family live around United States and in foreign countries. Opportunities I have to speak to my family in person and face to face are limited in the many miles we live apart from each other. I know not to call my parents in the middle of the night waking them up. Similarly when I was living with my family I knew not to wake them up in the middle of the night to talk. Respecting others has to do with timing. Knowing when a good time to call family or a friend is important. Living many miles and states and borders away from my family make timing of my calls to family very important. Even during the day when I’m awake in Pacific time zone and family have already been awake for four hours on Eastern time zone we have to be sensitive and careful to make calls to each other when it’s sensible.

    If you think back to before the invention of the phone, people communicated mostly in person. Those days are before my time. We had one phone at home growing up. One person at a time could talk to someone else on it locally and long distance. Those days are our shared human history. Those stories are precious and remind us of when things went at a slower pace. Sharing news was done on horse back. That was the fastest method to get a message to someone else.

    Communicating is human nature. Humans are social beings. Communication is learned and speaking is powerful. Speaking to one-another and to groups is how society gets along and grows and learns from each other.

    I might not like or agree with a news report I watch during the day and how I respond and communicate about a story is important.

    The words I speak and who I choose to speak to has an effect.

    Many lessons can be learned from history, distant and recent. Saying the first words that come to mind are important living in society. Sometimes taking time to think about the words we use to share a story is sensible. Both are important and both are human nature.

  • Free

    At a young age I was taught “freedom isn’t free”. I didn’t understand the meaning at first and over time as I grew older I gradually began to learn meanings of the sentiment. It’s a truth I understand much clearer today. Freedom isn’t free refers to many things. One in particular is freedom of speech. As a human I have the freedom to speak when and where and to who I want to. I have the freedom to say what I want to, and there are consequences.

    Like in science, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Speech follows similar responses. Speaking with someone I agree with more often returns a favorable response. Speaking with someone I disagree with might not return a favorable response depending on the words that are the topic of conversation.

    Young people learn this early on. Friends group together and entertain themselves and one group of friends often share many of the same words and lingo in their communications. Where a different group of friends have their own unique lingo and expressions. These two groups of friends are important to each other.

    While a person in one group of friends might not often speak to people in the other group of friends in United States the English language is a common bridge people use to communicate. While English is the most widely spoken language in United States it is far from the only language people speak in this country.

    Growing up in United States I was encouraged to learn a second language. The options in my middle school were French and German and Spanish. I learned some words in each of these languages. Later I chose Spanish as my second go to language beyond the English language. I was brought up speaking English. English is my first language. I speak some Spanish. I value my ability to speak Spanish and enjoy learning Spanish words. My ability to read and write Spanish is limited.

    I believe when a person is able to communicate in a second language they strengthen their relation to other people from different cultures. It’s important to me to have good relations with other cultures. Here in Medford Oregon most people speak English. Many other languages are spoken in my community and are fewer and further between. English sounds “normal” to me.

    When I lived in Los Angeles I was surrounded by people speaking many different languages. It took getting used to. Los Angeles is one of the largest cities on Earth with one of the largest amount of people on Earth. Getting used to living in the megalopolis of Los Angeles was difficult. There are many reasons getting used to Los Angeles was difficult for me. It was a challenge and the challenge it was to me I am grateful for.

    Challenges are important. It might be interpreted as a challenge to speak to someone in a different group of friends because they might sound different than what you’re used to. They might dress different than what your used to. Their lingo are likely to be different than what your used to. These differences while at first may feel like a challenge to start up a conversation, the challenge is worth it.

    Unfortunately when I was young I got into trouble in and out of school. I made bad decisions and suffered the consequences. The group of people I surrounded myself with were similar to a gang. We liked each other and we were sometimes suspicious and skeptical of people who were outside of our group. We caused problems individually and as a group. We grew older causing more problems to ourselves and to others. We compromised our freedoms collectively and individually and compromised freedoms of people we wronged.

    I moved far away, over 1,000 miles away from the “community” I was raised in. I’m no longer under the influence of negative and dangerous people. I’m fortunate that I was able to move far away from those influences and start fresh in this community. There are many people in this community. People I care about and people I know and respect. Life experiences have taught me to be around people who have my best interest in mind. People who respect themselves and others. These are the people I consider my inner circle. People looking to make the world a better place right here in this community.

    Moving far away from where I was raised was not easy. It was worth it. Moving to a community that was new to me was not easy. It was worth it. Not everyone can or have reason to or should move from where they are raised. Many people learn early on to respect themselves and others and look out for one another.

    The most successful people in a community often are raised in the community the live and grow up in to adulthood and as an elder. This is an example of people with no reason to move from where they were raised. This is the epitome of stability and structure.

    On the other hand many people choose to move from where they were raised and for many reasons. A work opportunity is a reason why a person might move to a new community, possibly very far from where they were raised. Economic factors often play a part in these decisions.

    People who learn early on to respect themselves and others are more prepared to make the most with the community they live in. and if they move to a community new to them are best equipped to thrive in it. The same goes for moving domestically and moving internationally. I don’t have experience moving internationally.

    I have experience traveling on vacation internationally and learned from my travels, life outside United States while similar in many ways is very different than living in United States.

    A common saying goes, to learn is to travel. Depending on where you travel you might learn things you want to and things you didn’t want to learn. Both are true and depending on the reason for your travel will make a difference in what there is to learn about.

    Things people consider free are different in different cultures. What Americans living in United States consider free vary widely to what citizens of a foreign country consider free in their country.

    Freedom is very important. Freedom to live in peace and in a stable economy are not free.

  • Anger

    I have a lot of anger regarding my father. It’s a mixed relationship at best. I am angry about how he treated me when I was growing up and how he was absent and unavailable to talk to for so much of my youth. Sometimes I wake up late at night angry at him. It’s a mixed relationship because on the surface everything is appropriate. We are polite to each other and cordial. Deep down inside I have moments when my anger about him is all I can think about, it lasts for several minutes and then dissipates.

    I’m 47 and live across the country far away from him. This is good. It’s difficult to make progress with family when there is a long distance separating us. The last time I saw him was last summer. I traveled to visit him and my stepmom. They invited me to their home and as a guest in their guest room while I was in the area. The visit was polite and cordial. We didn’t talk about anything that would have angered us.

    My father becomes very defensive when his actions are questioned by me. A good thing about the physical distance between us is he’s not here.

    The older a person becomes the more set they become in their ways. It’s not a terrible relation. I don’t wish harm against him. I wish he would apologize to me about his negligence when I was a young boy.

    My stepsister seems to have a much better relation with him. She pointed out to me that our grandpa died when my father was around 18. My grandfather worked very hard supporting his family. According to my father, my grandpa seemed to spend much of his time working.

    I know my father admired my grandpa for his work ethic. My father has a large appetite for work. He has worked most days for as long as I’ve known him. Father is on the verge of retiring.

    I wish I made better choices in my youth. I wish I made better choices in my twenties and in my thirties. I wish my father would have respected my mother throughout their divorce and after. I wish my father would have kept his negative opinions and words about my mother out of his mouth when speaking to me. I wish he could have shown respect and been dignified to her. I wish he could have treated her with respect and dignity while I was a young boy and through my teenage years.

    I wish he did not introduce me to pornography magazines and on pornography on his computer. I wish he did not tell me about fucking a raise between his secretaries legs when she asked for a raise in salary. I wish I didn’t walk in on him having sex with the woman he hired as a live in nanny to look after me. I wish he didn’t tell me about when he had sex with a prostitute at a brothel not very far from our home. I wish he never pushed me to the ground and would not have kicked me when I was down.

    I wish he new better how to raise a young boy. I wish when I was a young boy and chose to move out of my mothers home to live with my father he could have made more time to play ball.

  • I unfortunately have done numerous crazy things in my past. Fortunately I’m making rational decisions these days followed by rational actions and have learned not to react to something I don’t like when there is no reason.

    One crazy thing I did was look online for love. I’ve heard of success stories about couples who found each other through dating websites, something I’ve had minimal luck doing. I decided I wanted to get married and convinced myself that I needed to look internationally online for a woman who was looking to get married. This was about 13 years ago. At the time I didn’t feel confident approaching women in person about dating.

    I was making other crazy decisions and actions back then but for this post I’m going to focus on the specific crazy decision I took upon myself to look for love internationally. I’m not saying looking for love internationally is crazy. People do it all the time and create loving relationships that last. I wasn’t confident enough to approach women in person about dating and resorted to reaching out through the internet hoping to find a lover.

    Have you heard the song American Woman by Lennie Kravitz. That song summed up my opinion about American women which left me looking outside of United States for love. I spent hundreds of dollars on contacting women in foreign countries through websites that offer the service of connecting couples looking for marriage. Not much came of it.

    I wrote a letter expressing my interest in finding love and marriage to no one in particular and posted it on to Craigslist “man for woman” long term relationship in San Jose Costa Rica. I received numerous replies to my post and after vetting the replies one specific reply stood out to me. A young woman who was a college student studying to be a Doctor and living with her sister’s family in San Jose replied to my post.

    I liked what she wrote to me. We started writing back and forth and eventually had a Skype meeting where we got to see each other and listen to each others voice on a live video meeting. I got my hopes up. I was falling for her. Five months later I boarded an airplane with my buddy in Denver Colorado and we flew to Miami and then from Miami flew to San Jose, Costa Rica.

    Long story short, it didn’t work out. We arrived in San Jose and the next morning when I met the woman in person I was hung over from cocaine I took the night before. The impression I made on her was lacking. I did my best to give a good impression. I was on time and brought her a fresh bouquet of flowers and when we sat at a table in a restaurant for lunch I knew within me then and there I was not ready for marriage. Our meeting went well although not as planned and the spark I thought we shared did not show itself.

    I went back to the hotel where I was staying and proceeded to do more cocaine. Would have a spark between us have lasted if I would have stayed sober and arrived chipper to our meeting I do not know. Other than doing illegal drugs I was making other irrational decisions in my life back then.

    I’m going to stay on task and continue the story. For the rest of the trip I hired a tour guide who brought me to historical landmarks in San Jose one day. The next day I hired the same tour guide to take me to a beachside Resort outside of San Jose.

    A cab driver drove us to a small town on the coast where I hired a small boat and captain who brought us over the open water to the other side of the peninsula. When we docked I hired another cab driver to drive us through the jungle to the Resort. I rented a room with two beds at the Resort and spent the afternoon on the beach and drinking alcohol at the tiki bar beside the pool.

    A guest arrived at the resort paragliding into the ocean and swam to the shore. The tour guide I hired connected with the guest who paraglided in. She was a Canadian and on vacation from working at a Spa. The next morning I left early to make it to my flight to Miami on time. I left my tour guide at the Resort and hired a cab to drive me through the jungle to the pier where I bought a ticket on a large boat with many passengers that floated us to the small town on the other side of the peninsula.

    Back on land I hired a cab driver who drove me directly to the Airport in San Jose. I arrived at the Airport early and eventually my buddy showed up. We flew back to Miami Florida and then to Denver Colorado. From the airport in Denver I drove my car home. The next day I returned the gifts I had brought with me for the woman I went to Costa Rica to meet at the store where I bought them and went back to work.

    Not long after that I got a call from her one evening while I was eating dinner at a restaurant and told her that I was hung over and had taken cocaine the night before our meeting. That was the last time I heard from her.

    The moral of the story is don’t do illegal drugs. Like I said there was other irrational decisions I was making back then and was not ready for marriage.

  • Desire

    I want a woman to share my life with who is a mate and a lover and my best friend.

     Most of my relationships with women are polite and basic. I rarely am in a relationship with a woman. I am very attracted to women sexually and would like to have a woman as a lover.

    When it comes to meeting a woman, I do my best to be polite and appropriate. I believe there is a woman who wants to be my friend and lover and mate and partner. It’s up to me to meet her. I’m 47. I have never been married and have no children. Depending on the woman I meet these are considered my attributes. I have more time to dedicate to a woman than I would if I had children.

     I feel that when I meet a woman if she has children, I will do my best to be a good man in their lives. Honestly if I meet a woman I’m attracted to and she has children, the thought is scary. I don’t have experience raising children. If I meet a woman who has children, and her children are already living on their own I would be relieved. Many a single parent raises their children on their own and need a good fiance or fiancee in their lives. I will do my best if I meet a woman with children to be a good man to each of them.

    Last night I got up in the middle of the night and poured out the rest of the bottles of beer in the sink. It felt good knowing I don’t have anything intoxicating at home. I don’t get drunk these days. I stopped getting drunk over 12 years ago. The most I drink in one sitting is 5 beers. Usually if I drink, it’s two beers and I stop. I don’t go to bars often and want to stop going to bars. I’m better off when I don’t drink a drop of alcohol. I don’t do drugs. I’ve been clean from drugs for over 12 years. My sobriety is very important to me. It’s very important to me that people in my life are not getting drunk and not using drugs. Healthy relationships are very important to me.

     Relationships are a two-way path. In a relationship it’s important to be on the same path. It’s important to acknowledge people on the path they are on and when our paths meet to respect each other on the path. Friendships build this way. I think everyone is on a path. Some paths have many people on them. Other paths have few people on them. Some paths appear to be straight. Other paths zigzag. Meeting people where they are on a shared path is how to live in society. Some paths are wide with room to walk around others on it. Some paths are narrow with just enough room to walk around another person on it. Paths go in many directions and to many destinations. At 47 the paths I travel are more predictable than 12 years ago. There are good people I meet every day on shared paths. The world is a safe place overall and there are good people everywhere.

  • Evening in Medford Oregon

    I went to the bar just before dusk.

    A couple were seated at one end

    I traveled there alone and sat down on a corner stool.

    A big woman with long straight dark hair asked me quietly, “what are you having”?

    Do you have Heineken in a bottle? I asked. “Yes”, she brought me the beer and asked, do you want to leave the tab open?

    “I’ll leave it open”. I replied. Several people were seated along a wall gambling on big machines where the players pull levers down or press a button and hope for a winning score.

    A small group of younger men were gathered near a pool table focused on the balls at play.

    The bar has good food. Last time I ate there I got a plate of quesadillas with grilled chicken. I sipped the Heineken and ordered another.

    On television the Sandiego Padres were playing a team I did not recognize. Their opponents black Jerzy had a capitol A on the breast pocket area, white and silver. The television stats kept the opponents team a mystery to me. Padre’s were up 4-3.

    The couple at the end of the bar noticed the baseball game on television for a moment and seemed to be enjoying themselves. They are a Hispanic man and women in their mid-thirty’s. Several other couples were seated around the room at tables. An Oriental man appeared to have more than enough drinks to possibly walk home.

    It’s a quiet neighborhood bar in a small shopping center with a Domino’s Pizza and a drive through coffee shop. Joes, Bar and Grill. Is it a franchise or one of a kind? I don’t know, I enjoyed the beer and social environment.

    The waitress brought me a second beer and spoke up, I’m glad. It was good to hear her voice above the voices of patrons. I settled my tab then drove home.

    It’s early in the evening, Thursday in the all American town. Tonight will cool off some from the summer heat.