Interest or not

  • On Friday I went looking to buy a used car. I’d been impressed driving newer cars at work to and from the airport delivering them to the rental car company. And I’d been impressed driving newer cars at work in a local car auction. The value I experienced driving these newer cars was a motivator to buy a newer car.

    I took my minivan to the car wash and got a delux exterior wash and vacumed the inside. Then I drove home and and took warm water and soap and rags to the interior. It looked a lot better. I took miscellaneous objects in the door seats and center console and set them out of site in the glove compartment. I took out the throw rug that covered the running boar in the back of the minivan. It was ready to trade in for a newer car. The last thing I did was take the title to the minivan I owned clean and clear in my name and set it on top of the objects in the glove compartment. I was ready to trade it in.

    The first car dealership I went to was where I bought the minivan. I parked and looked around at their inventory and was not satisfied with what I saw. I drove to another local used car dealership, parked and was greeted by Jose, a salesman on the lot. I had a good feeling about Jose and he showed me about 10 cars before I found one I liked. I told Jose I was looking to trade in my minivan to offput some of the sales price on a used car.

    The car I liked is a white 2019 Kia Soul hatchback with 53,000 miles on the engine. I went on a test drive with Jose and the car felt good to drive. The sticker price on the car was $14,999. I wasn’t prepared to buy the car but I was prepared to finance a car.

    After talking about the car I liked with Jose and test driving it I was sold on the idea of applying to finance the car. Now was time for negotiation on the price. I told Jose I’d like to trade in my minivan for $2,000. While an employee of the dealership drove my minivan and had a mechanic check out the condition of the engine I sat in Jose’s office and we talked money. I asked if he could take $500 off the asking price. Jose said he could as his boss.

    Soon the employee returned with my minivan. They liked it and they wanted to finance the Kia Soul to me. They wouldn’t budge on the sales price of the Kia Soul but they did offer me $2,500 for my minivan in trade in value. I agreed with Jose to finance the Kia Soul and the employee who worked in finance at the dealership checked the numbers and prepared the paperwork for me to sign.

    It took a while for everything to be finalized but I was in no hurry and didn’t need to be anywhere else. I agreed to put $1,000 down on the Kia Soul and with the trade in money going to the Kia Soul it took another $2,500 off the $14,999. I have a good credit score and employment history working for the same company for almost 5 years. And I receive SSDI for my disability. And I had zero debt before financing the car.

    Nick who works in financing calculated a 72 month finance agreement with monthly payments of $229.98 at 11.9% interest and a requirement that I keep full coverage insurance on the car.

    Before I went looking to buy a newer car I called a local credit union and they said they would be able to get me a 5.9% interest on financing a used car in the price range I was looking to buy.

    I agreed to finance the car and signed the sales agreement Nick gave to me. I gave my minivan key to Jose and took everything in it out. Jose gave me the key to the Kia Soul and I put everything in it.

    And that was it, the car is financed to me in my name. Saturday morning I met with a lender at the Credit Union to refinance the Kia Soul and after checking out the details of the existing financing Randy confirmed with me that she car refinance the hatchback with a 5.9% interest rate when the car is registered to me. I’d already paid the dealership to register the car to me. It might take a few weeks or a month. When I receive the plates and registration in the mail I’ll make an appointment with Randy at the Credit Union to refinance the car.

    About the minivan. I bought the minivan when I was living at a Gospel Mission for men in recovery from having been homeless. I had been homeless for 6 years prior to being accepted into the Gospel Mission. After living in the Gospel Mission for several months my application for SSDI was accepted. I received a lump sum payment and am receiving monthly payments since. With the lump sum payment I put most of it into buying the minivan. My mental health had improved since moving into the Gospel Mission and I still had improvement to do. I had the idea that I would live in my minivan. I planned to move out of the Gospel Mission and into my minivan. Before making the leap at the last moment I was offered the option to rent a room in an apartment in town. I was so very relieved. I accepted the offer and moved into the apartment.

    I’d already given away the middle seats of the minivan because I thought I’d need the space on the floorboard to sleep on. When I traded in the minivan at the dealership the sales team were surprised and curious about why it was missing one set of back seats. They didn’t make a fuss about it and still gave me a good price for the minivan.

    It’s a relief not owning the minivan. I’m not a father. Many people look at a minivan and say that’s for a soccer mom or a dad. The minivan was more automobile than I needed. Yes it was reliable and I was able to do all my errands with it and even drive 3.5 hours away to the coast twice. But comparing the minivan to the hatchback, the hatchback is a better fit for me.

    Financing $11,796 with the Kia Soul is a big responsibility. $229.98 monthly payments is a significant monthly expense. Full coverage auto insurance is costing me about $50 more per month. I’ve taken on more financial responsibility with the Kia Soul.

    I feel confident I can make the full monthly payments for the Kia Soul on schedule. The newer car gets better gas mileage! The newer car has a lot of life as they say in it. The newer car is easier to park. I’ll feel more comfortable going on road trips in the Kia Soul.

    Driving an automobile and a motorcycle is a big responsibility. I’m more confident driving on four wheels and that’s what I stick to. None the less, driving on the road is a big responsibility. Safety first.

  • The moment I became more grateful for my pet therapy dog Sage. Before adopting Sage the last time I had a pet was when I was a teenager. I’m 48.

    I remember sitting in the living room of my home on the couch and petting Sage. Having another living being I live with took some time for me to get used to.

    In the past often I’d leave home for human connection. I still do this to this day. I always will seek human connection in my life.

    When I was sitting on the couch petting Sage I realized there was no need for me to go out to a store and buy a snack. There was no reason to. I was not hungry. I wanted connection and when petting Sage I no longer had the urge to buy a snack at a store from a stranger.

    I still go shopping and make purchases from strangers throughout the week. I am polite and respectful and appropriate to the human at work I interact with and relate to them as the human they are.

    Sage can only give me a certain amount of comfort. Sage doesn’t speak English. Sage is a domesticated dog. Sage relies on me for food and water, care and attention. Sage is domesticated and at 9.5 years old my pet dog would not live long outside on her own.

    Sage needs a caretaker for her survival and her caretaker is me. I’m happy to play this role in Sage’s life.

    It doesn’t compare to living with another human. Human interaction is more important to me than caring for my dog. Much more important than caring for my dog.

    I can become in love with a woman. I can speak to a woman. A woman can listen to me and understand what I tell her and respond to me. A woman can be a partner and a companion the way Sage is not.

    I’m grateful for my friend Sage. And I yearn to enter a loving and caring relationship with a woman.

  • My understanding of the word desperate is, it’s not a good look. It’s considered weak. In the past I’ve been desperate for shelter. I’ve been desperate for food. Through intervention I was put in a safe place that included shelter and food and professional support in my recovery.

    I have a good home in a good neighborhood. I keep my kitchen filled with fresh nutritious food. Through intervention and recovery I overcame desperation.

    I think a lot of people are desperate for love. I love me very much. I am desperate to love a woman. But I’m not going to hire a prostitute. Sex when there’s no love does not solve feeling, desperate to be loved.

    I am desperate to be loved by a woman and I’m not going to start a relationship with the kind of woman who would bring me down, not respect me or take my love for granted.

    I’m not in a hurry to become in love and I’m open to meeting a woman and become in love with her and loved by her.

  • I can’t change the past. I can’t take back the troubles and emotional pain I caused others. I can’t go back in time and make it better.

    I’ve moved far and away from the negative influences that had a grip on me.

    I’ve started over in a new to me community with new to me people and experiences and places to go. The move here is probably the best decision I’ve made in a long time.

    I’m getting older and making new friends is not as basic as it was when I was a young boy and as a young adult. I’m no longer a young adult.

    At 48 most people I meet want many of the same things. Peace stability and comfort. People want these things at all ages and often younger people rely on their elders to make it happen.

    As a middle age man I have the opportunity to meet people as they are. Call a spade a spade. Seek out the people and places that make me feel at peace, safe, secure and confident. People who look out for my best interest are the individuals I strive to meet and know and look out for.

    Starting over in a community that is new to me includes hesitance from locals naturally. I don’t hide that I’m not from around here. And I tell people where I’m from.

    The lesson is to never forget where you’re from. Where you are from may not represent who you are, but it did. Learn from the past and don’t dwell in those thoughts. Call on your memories from the past as they are, of the past and not as they could have been. Both the good and the bad. That is how to meet people in the present as they are without a filter, without a bias, without a motive.

    Good luck to you

  • I was homeless and outside in the early evening. It was mid Autumn and there was a chill in the air. I was walking to a Church where I was welcomed before to their Sunday service. The same Church helped other homeless people including me with food and shelter on the coldest snowy frozen nights. My intention was to stay for the night outside their door. The day was windy and the sky was overcast with a blanket of clouds as far as the eye could see.

    I wore blue jeans and a shirt, socks, underwear, shoes and a jacket. I had a backpack with a sleeping bag and some supplies for living outdoors. I lost the only hat I owned and in the sleeping bag my head and ears would have been cold all night.

    Walking to the Church I passed a man who gave me a warm hat. His gift made all the difference. I was warm enough including my head and ears while I slept outside the Church. The generous gift made the difference between me fending off a cold and being warm enough to stay as healthy as I was capable of without the prescribed medication I didn’t have that helps my mental health minimizing my symptoms and enabling me to manage my responsibilities and keep an even keel.

    I had been off my prescribed medication and homeless for the larger part of 4 years and did not accept that I needed to take prescribed medication every day for my mental health.

    Though I made it through the night without disruption I had two more years of being homeless struggling before intervention got me on the path to recovery.

  • I’m at home sitting at my desk.

    Yesterday I went to a local park with a basketball court and brought my basketball. A mom was shooting hoops on the other side of the court with her two young children. I practiced by myself at one end shooting hoops and worked up a little sweat and got my heart pumping. A man was seated on a bench in the shade. One of the kids playing with his family on the court walked over to the man and they started talking. I think the man was probably the child’s dad.

    After a while of me making about 70% of the shots in the basket a young woman with her dog showed up near the court and sat down in the sunlight along the wall. She was beautiful. It was obvious to me that she was also homeless. She looked like she needed a new set of clothes and a shower and a good meal. I noticed that her breasts were hanging almost all the way out of her shirt. I continued shooting hoops and locked eyes with her several times.

    After a while she got up and walked with her dog to where she sat at a picnic table in the shade beside a homeless man.

    I was tempted to approach her and offer to buy her a meal. I didn’t. When I was done on the basketball court I set my basketball in my minivan, locked it and walked over to the calisthenics equipment in the park and exercised for a while. A woman and child were sitting on the grass talking. A man was sitting and reading in the shade under a large tree.

    My thoughts kept going back to the beautiful young homeless woman.

    When I was done exercising, I drove home. On the drive home I thought more about the beautiful young homeless woman and hoped she was able to find safety and the things she needed to get housing.

    I knew better. I knew from my own experience when I was homeless that although in one day a person can go from homeless to being housed it’s a process that takes a lot of time, days weeks and months of safe steady support in a stable healthy environment through the help of many people focused on helping a homeless person back into housing. That’s not my work.

    Sometimes I buy a homeless person a meal or hand a homeless person several dollars or my pocket change. I don’t trust that giving a homeless person I do not know more than a few dollars is a wise decision to make as a gift.

    I’m glad I didn’t approach the young beautiful homeless woman. I’m glad I didn’t speak to her. Looking her in the eyes was enough.

    Was she exposing her breasts to me on purpose or was she trying to be comfortable is not my business. I knew I could not help her and knew that approaching her would tempt me in ways that would not get her into permanent housing.

    Thinking more about the healthy strong families there in peace visiting the park while I exercised helped me to not lust after the beautiful young nearly topless homeless woman I could not help.

    I hope the homeless woman who was at the park makes it to where she is safe and supported and gets the help she needs to get into safe stable housing and a better future.

  • The war against Iran is stressing me out. I haven’t been able to sleep at night well for the last three nights. The last time I felt this stressed was when I was homeless.

    I don’t like that the news calls it the war with Iran. The war is clearly against Iran. US and Israel instigated and started the war against Iran.

    I feel like we’ve just begun the war against Iran and it is in it’s infancy.

    I wanted to believe that the mistle strike at an Iranian girls school was propaganda. That’s what I thought at first. I’ve watched the story in the news and now I believe Iran’s version of the story that it was a US mistle that blew up a girls school in Iran. According to US news the intel was outdated and the school was near an Iranian military base. I don’t believe that the US intentionally targeted the Iranian school with a mistle but non the less the US did strike the Iranian school with a mistle.

    As much as 175 Iranian girls died in a mistle strike launched by the US military. This is unacceptable. President Donald Trump is denying that the US military launched a mistle at a girls school in Iran. I don’t trust Trumps word.

    I am against the war. I want the war to end. The war has killed over 1000 Iranians and cost the US $1 billion dollars per day. The US has already spent over 30 billion dollars on the war. Over 50,000 US military personnel are in the middle east. The next phase of the war is near. The next phase of the war could change from mistle and drone and air force strikes against Iran to the US military to include US troops on the ground in Iran to fight Iran’s military.

  • I’m 48 years old. I weigh 219 pounds. I’m 5’7″. I’d like to lose close to 60 pounds of weight more or less. I am big boned. I want to get stronger. I want to get in shape. I want to be muscular and have no extra fat. My tummy is large. My extra weight is almost all in my tummy. To lose weight, get in shape and gain muscle mass I’ll eat smaller portions of food and eat less sugary candy and drink more water and exercise jogging, doing sit ups and push ups. I’ll drink less alcohol. I won’t overeat. I need to get on a routine of exercising and stay on it.

    Getting in shape and fit will increase my energy and stamina and endurance and resilience. When I’m in shape I feel better about myself, my confidence increases and I feel better. By gradually losing weight going to my ideal weight of around 160 pounds my health will increase.

    5 years ago I was homeless and often hungry. I probably weighed near 160 pounds and was lean. I walked a lot. I ate what I could which was often low quality cheap foods.

    When I first got back into housing I was fed endless plates of donated food breakfast lunch and dinner and snacks between meals and after dinner almost every day. My weight shot up and I didn’t exercise barely at all. I stopped going on long walks. My weight has increased since.

    After being in housing for 7 months and off the streets I moved into the apartment buildings where I rent the apartment I live in. I continued to eat a lot of food every day. I started shopping for my own food and cooking all my meals other than meals I ate at restaurants. The quality of food I ate increased, but I was eating large portions, larger than what’s best for my health. After living in the apartment for 10 months I went back to work 20 hours per week. The work is almost completely manual labor. I got some exercise at work and didn’t exercise much at all outside of work. My food portions remained excessive and I snacked between most meals. My weight steadily increased and has hovered around 218-225 pounds for nearly 5 years.

    Today is March 26th 2026. It’s 7:12 am Pacific. I’m sitting at my desk. I have a long life to live and a lot of love to give.

    Improving my health will increase my happiness and well being.

    I can go back to work full time and get off SSDI. Getting on an exercise routine and staying on it is a way to achieve my stated goal.

    Live is good

  • If you are a US Citizen and age 18 and older you can vote and I encourage you to vote. The first time I voted I was 18. I’ve voted in every presidential election since and in many local elections.

    You can keep who you voted for a secret. It’s your vote and not someone else’s. While elected politicians and Americans campaigning to get elected are known for their politics, citizens with no interest in becoming a politician are encouraged to voice their thoughts and opinions about local and national politics and on how US Politicians agendas effect foreign countries in the world around us.

    I care about my neighborhood, community, State, this Nation and about what Americans do around the world. This is why I voice my opinion near and far.

    As an American and US Citizen you are free to express yourself and speak up for what you believe in. This is a fundamental freedom Americans have, and it is important for us to share our thoughts and opinions throughout life.

    I believe a good politician doesn’t rely on their label as a Democrat or label as a Republican or label as an Independent and instead leads by setting a good example. A person’s character is more important than the name of their political party.

    People who want you to succeed and live a happy healthy life will encourage you to speak up when you want.

    Every story has a beginning, middle and end. And in every story, there is a challenge, whether it is small or large. Whether you are at the beginning of your story, in the middle of it or near the end play an active role. Learn from other people who have realized the results you want to achieve and remember to trust your gut instinct.

    Everything I’ve written in this post may seem obvious to some although not enough people understand and utilize these basic inalienable rights we have as Americans.

    If everyone around you makes your decisions you could be a prisoner locked in a cell. When to wake up, when to sleep, when and what to eat, when and where to move are all dictated by prison guards.

    Critical decision-making skills are learned as a young child grows into an adult and throughout life. At some point most elderly people need to rely more and more on younger generations to help them live healthy lives in peace and comfort. A lifetime of good decision making makes living a long healthy and happy life in peace and comfort possible for seniors and the oldest people alive.

    Surround yourself with safe healthy people who actively make your neighborhood, community, this nation and the world a better place to live.

  • I turned 48 years old just over one week ago. If I was thirty years younger I’d be a little concerned about being drafted into the US Military. Today is March 6th 2026. I’m not overly worried about US Citizens being forced to join the Military. I don’t know a lot about the Military. I tried to enroll in the Military once when I was 30 years old and homeless and turned away due to mental health weaknesses.

    I learned from searching Google there are over 2 million men and women serving in active duty and reserve duty in the Military. 750,000 to 775,000 of those men and women serving in the Military are in reserve duty. Most of the men and women serving in the Military are serving in active duty. That doesn’t mean that every man and woman serving in active duty in the Military will be sent to a foreign country. That doesn’t mean that every man and woman serving in active duty in the Military will travel to and fight in combat.

    Being the most lethal military on Earth has some to do with perception. Perception we have as Americans and the perception foreign nations have about the US Military are we are the most lethal military on Earth. That’s the story shared in new reports from reporters communicating directly with members of the US Government for many years. While US is a super power so are China and Russia and North Korea and none of those countries are our closest allies.

     I firmly believe that most men and women in the Military will never fight in combat. Many of the men and women in the military serve on ships and submarines and in fighter jets. Members of the military operating ships, submarines and fighter jets and bomber airplanes are often the first men and women called to fight in a war. The understanding is that American lives are saved when we kill our enemies from a safe distance with bombs and mistles and drones.

     My understanding watching as a civilian from a safe distance at home in the US on news reports is that men and women in the military are asked to serve in combat missions less and when that happens it is more often to help manage foreign civilians in a foreign country United States is at war with.

     This doesn’t mean that there are no American casualties when USA is at war. US fighter jets have been shot out of the sky and the pilots have not always been able to parachute to safety and have died in combat. American ships and submarines have been sunk by foreign militaries that have killed nearly everyone on board in the past. Often in war many lives are lost.

     While being drafted to join the Military has been forced on US Citizens in the past, I doubt that will happen again. Americans are continually joining the Military and continually being honorably discharged from the Military. No one wants to die in war and that is one of the sacrifices the men and women of the US Military have done and prepare themselves to do. This is called the ultimate sacrifice.

    I think the Trump Administration would be wise to create some distance between Israel and US interests. Currently Benjamin Netanyahu has said he will kill the new leader of Iran. At the same time Trump is saying he want’s to help pick the new leader of Iran. This puts Trump and Netanyahu at odds. This is not wise.

    US and Israel are the two main aggressors in the war against Iran. US and Israel do not fight side by side. The leaders of our separate nations have different agendas regarding the next leader of Iran.

    If all Israel sees is blood in their eyes towards a leader of Iran and USA wants to help choose who the next leader of Iran is that is a conflict of interest.

    It makes sense that different countries have different agendas and as allies US and Israel should get on the same page that the next leader of Iran should be a leader who works towards peace in Iran and in the Middle East to include peace with Israel and with USA.

    Israel needs to forgive and forget and learn that for there to be lasting peace in Iran and no threats from Iran, Iran needs to have a leader who will guide their people in peace. For Iran to be at peace and not threaten other countries Iranian civilians need to know that they and their leader are not threatened by Israel and USA.

    May peace prevail.