Interest or not

Tag: health

  • food

    I’m at home sitting at my desk. The thought what am I going to eat for lunch just entered my consciousness. It’s just before 11am and I ate a full breakfast 4 hours ago. In my kitchen fridge I have a bag of feta cheese, tomatoes, cucumbers, kalamata olives, green bell peppers and in one of the cupboards I have a can of garbanzo beans. I have a bottle of balsamic salad dressing. I also have onions. I’ll prepare a Greek salad for lunch before I get hungry.

    I feel blessed knowing that my kitchen and fridge and freezer are filled with fresh nutritious foods. The stove and oven and microwave all work well. I have an adequate supply of pots and pans and cooking tools, plates and utensils and Tupperware containers to keep food I’ve prepared and don’t eat right away fresh in the fridge and in the freezer.

    When I’m home I can walk to my kitchen whenever I want and eat a snack and to prepare meals. I have a gallon of fresh milk and a gallon of cran-raspberry juice in the fridge.

    I am living the life I dreamed of and yearned for 5 years ago. I am never hungry for too long. When I leave home I can buy food at a restaurant where I am welcome and a valued guest. I have the money to buy the foods I want to eat and pay gratuity for good service.

    I eat enough fresh nutritious food every day. I drink enough clear clean and filtered water and spring water every day.

    I am blessed to have enough food to eat when I get hungry. I eat good foods. I eat the foods I want to eat, the foods I crave to eat. I eat quality foods that are fresh and well prepared, organic and free range and cage free without pesticides and without chemical flavors and without unnecessary preservatives and without unnecessary food coloring and without MSG.

    I can afford to buy all the food that I eat. I can afford to pay a high price for food when I feel like eating at a fancy restaurant and I can afford to pay for expensive ingredients and food items at a grocery store when I want to.

    I have enough food to share with friends. I can prepare meals to share with friends.

    Having enough food to eat every day and every night and late night snacks when I want to is a blessing I’m grateful for.

    When I see someone who is hungry I can buy them a meal. When I see someone who looks like they are severely malnourished I can give them food.

    When I see someone who is thirsty I can give them a bottle of water.

    My goal is not to feed every hungry person I see. I can however feed a hungry person or give a bottle of water to a thirsty person when I want to.

  • 5 years ago this week

    I “graduated” from living in a secure mental health rehab facility. I moved into a motel room.

    Leading up to police intervention that put me in a psychiatric hospital I had been homeless living outdoors most nights for 6 years. My story is a miracle. Today I’m writing from my desk in my room in the apartment I lease. I have a job and a car I’m financing. I live half way across the country from the negative influences that had a grip on me and caused me to make very wrong choices and unhealthy actions that led me to homelessness.

    Writing every memory from when I was homeless feels impossible and not necessary. What’s important is that I went from having lost all my possessions other than the clothes I wore and a backpack and relying on hand outs from strangers and food stamps to eat to living in a good apartment I furnished in a good neighborhood in a thriving community.

    There are many people I can thank for making my life as I know it possible. Over the years I was homeless very many volunteers helped me survive. People I had never met opened warming centers and shelters at night on some of the coldest snowy icy nights when I slept warm and safe inside.

    Many years before I became homeless I was diagnosed with bipolar syndrome and then years later my mental health deteriorated and I my diagnosis became scitzophrenia. I am very fortunate that medication for these diseases are cheap. Still for years I was very adverse to taking any prescribed medication and did not take my prescription regularly or at all.

    When I became homeless for 6 years I had not taken medication for my scitzophrenia for over two years. Being placed in the psychiatric hospital got me back on my prescription. That is where my rehabilitation began. It seems like I was in the psychiatric hospitals for 3 months. I started taking my prescribed medication every day. I participated in group therapy and met with a psychiatrist regularly while I was staying in the psychiatric hospital.

    I remember while staying in the psychiatric hospital for meals us patients were given plastic utensils that were the shape of a spoon and a for combined to eat with. No fork, no spoon, no butter knife. One utensil to eat with. It was part of the rehabilitation. At first I was given sandwiches and food I could eat with my hands. Only later was I given a spork utensile to eat with. After a while I was given a fork and a spoon and a butter knife to eat with.

    The number one and number two threats patients in psychiatric hosptials are is to themselves and to others. It took three months of constant supervision and video surveillance of me including me willingly taking my prescribed medication every day before I rehabilitated to when I was free to leave.

    During that time I was in contact with a professional working for social services. When I was released from the mental health rehabilitation facility the social services professional met me and drove me to a motel and paid for a room for me to stay in for one month. He also helped me get donated food from a local organization that helps food insecure people and he helped buy me some cooking equipment to use with the microwave in the room I was staying in, in the motel.

    During the day I visited the public library and with my food benefit card I made some food purchases at a store near the motel. I was still used to living outside and spent most of the month in the motel room. During that time I also went to the police station and gave them my fingerprints and agreed to go to a court date that was scheduled for the crime I was accused of while homeless with a warrant for me attached to it. The warrant was dropped.

    After the warrant was dropped I was welcomed to the Gospel Mission where I lived for 6 months in the mens dorm room on a cot. In the Gospel Mission I went to church every Sunday and studied the bible during the week. I did chores every day and I helped cook meals for the residents. While living in the Gospel Mission my biological family helped me apply for SSDI. After several months I was awarded SSDI.

    While living in the Gospel Mission I went to my scheduled court date where an attorney was appointed to defend me because I could not afford to hire one. During sentencing I was given one year of bench probation and ordered to continue to meet with a psychiatrist for as long as the psychiatrist recommended. The Judge also said to me and made it clear that I would need to take my prescribed medication for the rest of my life. I agreed with the Judge and apologized for my behavior that got me in trouble.

    I moved to an apartment in December where I had my own room living with 3 other adults, men and women. I lived in the apartment for one year. After living in the apartment for 10 months I went back to work part time for a temp to hire employment agency. During that time I also sought out a therapist from a online list of therapists at psychology.com. I scheduled a telehealth appointment with her and have been meeting with her regularly since.

    One year after moving into the apartment I moved into my own apartment I lease to this day. I started meeting with the therapist in person in my living room regularly. Meeting with the therapist in my home was a significant improvement to meeting with her via telehealth. Since then we started meeting at a local cafe I recommended where we now meet regularly. My therapist signed off on paperwork that enabled me to get a pet therapy dog.

    I completed bench probation and went to each and every meeting scheduled with a psychiatrist and therapist until it was no longer a requirement.

    I’m doing much better these days. I take care of my dog and take her on walks. My credit score improved. I went on a vacation to visit my biological family three years ago. I flew to Colorado and to Florida and visited my parents in both states. I rented a car in Florida and drove from the airport to where I stayed in a guest room in the assisted living residence where my mom lives.

    Two summers ago I went on vacation and rented a car and drove to Washington to visit my sister and her family.

    Last summer my mom and my half sister Hannah visited me and stayed with me in my home on separate visits.

    This Spring I went on a 3 day vacation where I rented a room in an Inn beside upper Rogue River and fished for trout and salmon. I caught 5 fish and they were all under 1 foot and released all of them. I brought my dog who was patient at the waters edge while I fished.

    Since getting back from the fishing trip I financed a car. I traded in my old minivan and the value was put into the car I financed through the dealership. I also became a member of the Church I began attending in February.

    I am a success story in living flesh.

  • I want to get fit

    I’m 48 years old. I weigh 219 pounds. I’m 5’7″. I’d like to lose close to 60 pounds of weight more or less. I am big boned. I want to get stronger. I want to get in shape. I want to be muscular and have no extra fat. My tummy is large. My extra weight is almost all in my tummy. To lose weight, get in shape and gain muscle mass I’ll eat smaller portions of food and eat less sugary candy and drink more water and exercise jogging, doing sit ups and push ups. I’ll drink less alcohol. I won’t overeat. I need to get on a routine of exercising and stay on it.

    Getting in shape and fit will increase my energy and stamina and endurance and resilience. When I’m in shape I feel better about myself, my confidence increases and I feel better. By gradually losing weight going to my ideal weight of around 160 pounds my health will increase.

    5 years ago I was homeless and often hungry. I probably weighed near 160 pounds and was lean. I walked a lot. I ate what I could which was often low quality cheap foods.

    When I first got back into housing I was fed endless plates of donated food breakfast lunch and dinner and snacks between meals and after dinner almost every day. My weight shot up and I didn’t exercise barely at all. I stopped going on long walks. My weight has increased since.

    After being in housing for 7 months and off the streets I moved into the apartment buildings where I rent the apartment I live in. I continued to eat a lot of food every day. I started shopping for my own food and cooking all my meals other than meals I ate at restaurants. The quality of food I ate increased, but I was eating large portions, larger than what’s best for my health. After living in the apartment for 10 months I went back to work 20 hours per week. The work is almost completely manual labor. I got some exercise at work and didn’t exercise much at all outside of work. My food portions remained excessive and I snacked between most meals. My weight steadily increased and has hovered around 218-225 pounds for nearly 5 years.

    Today is March 26th 2026. It’s 7:12 am Pacific. I’m sitting at my desk. I have a long life to live and a lot of love to give.

    Improving my health will increase my happiness and well being.

    I can go back to work full time and get off SSDI. Getting on an exercise routine and staying on it is a way to achieve my stated goal.

    Live is good

  • Tea and Coffee

    I’m feeling thankful. I enjoy buying a cup of tea or coffee to sit with in a cafe and sip. Sipping a hot cup of coffee or an iced coffee on a cold day brings comfort to me. Enjoying this experience in a cafe I value very much. I live with my pet dog and three plants in an apartment I lease. Leaving home and going to a nearby cafe is something I find pleasure in.

    There are social bonds made over a cup of tea. Whether I go alone or with a friend greeting a barista is one piece of the bond. A simple, hello how are you, thank you makes me feel more human than putting coins into a vending machine for a beverage. Cafe’s are often busy environments where people come and go with their cups of coffee and to sit at a table in a cafe or outside on a patio.

    I was homeless twice. Once at age 30 for one year and then again at age 35 for 6 years. When I could afford to buy a cup of coffee or tea I would often go to a cafe and sit at a table enjoying every drop. Often I was dirty and my clothes were dirty but as long as I had several dollars to spend I was able to buy a selection of the beverages they made and sit in comfort at a table for an hour.

    It was great to be inside where the temperature was warm and the environment was clean. It was great to sit on a chair at a table in relative peace as the world and people in it continued with the day.

    Homeless people often have a difficult time being welcome in clean warm environments. A few dollars to spend on a cup of tea might be why a homeless person is at a table in a cafe. That’s not always the case. Many homeless people struggle with mental health weaknesses. I’ve struggled with mental health weaknesses for almost 21 years. When I was homeless I rarely took medication to support my mental health and had a difficult time relating to many people.

    Not taking medication for my mental health was one major factor why I was homeless. I was making bad decisions that effected my health and my safety and well being and not taking medication for my mental health made it worse.

    I closed my business and no longer had any income and soon ran out of savings and could no longer pay the lease for the house where I was living. Soon I had to leave the house and became homeless. I could not afford to pay for the lease on my car and had to return it to the bank who had given me the loan. Soon I could no longer afford to keep everything I owned in storage and lost all my possession’s.

    I had the clothes I wore and a backpack filled with things I needed to help me live outside.

    I am very lucky that through intervention I got on a safe and supportive path and back into housing. I’ve had a home for the last 4.5 years. I am a lucky man. There are many people, men and women I have to thank who helped me get on a safe path and back into housing.

    I went back to work 4 years ago. It feels great to work and earn money. I am able to save some money and pay my bills. I cherish my home. My home is in a safe neighborhood in a thriving community. I keep my home clean and bright. It’s great to have a “place” my home to stay safe and secure in. Protected away from harsh weather and dangerous persons.

    Being in good company with cups of tea in a cafe is a blessing of living in society.

  • Louder than words

    I’ve been sober for almost 12 years. Sobriety is a blessing I am thankful for everyday. Before getting sober I was addicted to cocaine and methamphetamine. I was severely addicted for years and spent many thousands of dollars on my addiction. My addiction to illegal drugs reduced my health significantly. I made bad decisions over and over again. I put myself in danger every time I met a drug dealer and I put my loved ones at risk because of the bad decisions I was making. One of the bad decisions I made during that time was to stop taking my medication for my mental health. My mental health spiraled out of control. I closed my business and with no income my savings were soon gone. I could not afford to renew my lease on my home and was soon homeless.

    That was 10 years ago. While I was homeless for six years I rarely had money and when I did have money it was usually no more than $20. I stayed sober while I was homeless which helped me survive. Still I was not taking medication for my mental health and stubbornly apposed taking medication despite my parents and sisters urging me to take medication. I got back into housing 4.5 years ago because the police intervened. I was placed in a psychiatric hospital where I began my recovery. I’ve been taking my medication every day since the intervention when I started to recover.

    These days I lease an apartment. I went back to work part time. I have a pet dog. I have a car. I am disabled and can work part time and keep SSDI. I hope to go back to work full time and get off SSDI. My mental health condition is considered a life long condition that is expected to deteriorate over time. I’ll need to take higher doses of my medication to manage myself at some point. Taking a higher dose of medication is well worth living independently.

    Cocaine and Methamphetamine are dangerous drugs, highly addictive, illegal and are responsible for many deaths every year. People lose their lives when they are addicted to drugs. People become incarcerated when they are using drugs. People are exposed to violence and gangs and cartels and low lives who are a danger to themselves and others when they do drugs.

    I’m inspired to write about my struggles using illegal drugs after watching a news report on television about the capture of Nicolas Maduro. There will always be people who say that he is a good man and there will always be people who say that he was the leader of not only Venezuela but also a cartel responsible for many violent deaths and the trafficking and distribution of cocaine.

    Cocaine comes from Peru and Columbia. Venezuela is in route between those countries and USA. Venezuela is also a very large source of oil. Weather the capture of Nicolas Madura and inevitable regime change in Venezuela is about stopping cocaine from getting to USA or improving business conditions for oil to be shipped to USA or both I’m not going to argue about any of those.

    I hope the regime change in Venezuela brings peace and stability to the Venezuelan people and that a democratically elected leader comes into power in the foreign country. I hope no one loses their life in the regime change and US Military are not brought in further to run Venezuela.

    People use cocaine and it’s bad news. People will continue to use cocaine and their demand for the supply of cocaine from Peru and Columbia will continue to spread bad news and bad outcomes for everyone involved. The problem starts in Peru and Columbia where the plant grows and is processed all the way in the trafficking of it to the person whether they are using it for the first time or are addicted to the drug.

    People joke about illegal drugs, wishing that they were legal. When I was using illegal drugs I joked about the topic of legalizing illegal drugs. It’s not funny. Cocaine and  Methamphetamine are deadly and cause chaos in every corner and every turn.

    I can’t go back in time and turn down illegal drugs. It’s a part of my past and the past doesn’t change. I survived. I quit using illegal drugs. I let go of everyone I knew who used and sold illegal drugs. I moved half way across USA to a community new to me where I know none of those bad influences. They exist. I see people in public struggling with addiction. I see people lying on the ground in public overdosed on fentanyl. The problem remains and I keep a safe distance from it.

    Using illegal drugs is selfish. It’s a selfish act. It puts the user in danger and the act of buying illegal drugs encourages the whole supply chain that is fraught with deception and hiding from the law and hidden agendas.

    The problems surrounding cocaine effect people of all ages and all races and all levels of economic prosperity and economic hardship. If you are struggling with addiction to illegal drugs there is help. People want to help you. Safe people in safe neighborhoods want to help you. People living law abiding lives want to help you. People want to see you overcome your addiction and leave it in the past. People want to see you healthy and happy. People want to see you in control of your life. People want to see you succeed. People want to see you safe and secure and healthy. Quitting illegal drugs is an action. It’s louder than words.

  • Sometimes I believe it is difficult to make small talk with people I meet because I want to know if we share the same or similar political opinions. I want to know right away if their politics align with mine so I’ll know if a conversation will be agreeable or confrontive. I don’t like confrontation. I’m trying to make small talk with people I encounter more and more. I live alone and am here at home with my thoughts. No one else is here with me to agree with or confront. The matter at home is the physical matter that makes up the floor and walls and ceiling, the apartment I rent keeps me safe and secure.

    Outside is adventure and life and opportunity and meaning. Outside there are people with similar interests and values. Outside are people from every walk of life. Rich, poor, highly educated and laborers. Outside are people scraping by in poverty and people who are homeless.

    A neighborhood store I shop in often has snacks on the shelves and a soda machine. At the store I usually buy beer and cigarettes. I’ve been shopping at the store for several years. I am cordial with the salespeople who work in the store. All and all like most customers I go to the store to buy products then leave.

    I don’t like that they sell pipes and bongs but I don’t make their rules. Smoking marijuana is legal in this community. It’s not the America I grew up in. In the America I grew up in Marijuana was illegal and criminal and suspect. Marijuana was dangerous. Eventually marijuana was available for medicinal purposes to people with health problems and authorized to buy it in the few places where it was sold. Most Marijuana for sale back then was sold illegally on the black market in back alleys.

    Times have changed. Marijuana is legal for adults to buy and posses in small quantities and consume for recreational purposes on private land. Marijuana stores are in almost every commercial neighborhood in town.

    When I was a teenager we spoke about how marijuana would one day become legal and sold like cigarettes.

    Those days are here. Marijuana is addictive and smoking it harms the lungs. Marijuana is a controlled drug. Consuming too much marijuana in one session is dangerous. Some marijuana is more potent than other strains.

    In the news marijuana farmers have been reported to be influenced by cartels and people working on marijuana farms have been mistreated and exploited. All in all the news reports of cartels infiltrating the marijuana industry is not a daily occurrence. I believe the marijuana industry needs more regulations to protect people who work tending the plants from cartels.

    It is good that marijuana is legal. People can buy marijuana legally for personal consumption. People can buy marijuana in a safe and secure well lit store where there is no rush and no reason to hide. A marijuana store has to maintain quality standards. A consumer can buy marijuana today and pay with a credit card if they choose and get a printed receipt. For these reasons marijuana is safer to grow, sell and consume now that it is a controlled drug sold for personal use. I’m glad marijuana stores with similarities to liquor stores can not operate businesses in school zones.

    I respect your right to sell marijuana in an authorized store to adults. I respect your right to consume marijuana. Please be safe and help keep marijuana away from young people.

    Beyond cigarettes and beer going to a neighborhood store often to buy their goods feels good. I’d rather buy at a store in person than have products delivered to my door. Making a transaction with someone at work in person face to face is a part of living in community. It’s not the same as meeting with people when volunteering. Human interactions are valuable to me.

  • For those trying to quit watching porn

    Porn addiction causes many problems. I watched porn on the internet not long ago. I can remember the scene if I focus on the memory in my mind. Images and photos and videos and graphics are like that. Some stay in a persons mind longer. Other visuals seem to be forgotten soon after a person looks away. Porn addiction can be that way. If you’re not looking to the porn on the screen, you’re looking somewhere else. Or maybe you’re doing something completely different. I hope you’re safe and not a safety risk to anyone else.

     To overcome pornography, (I’m much better than I was) I stop looking, watching and listening to erotica. The specific porn content a person is addicted to matters. “Soft porn” is more extreme than looking at a photo of a person who looks beautiful to you. Know your limits. If you can get comfortable looking at photos of beautiful people wearing clothes you might be able to get a dopamine rush without looking at porn.

     Porn creeps up and down, to and fro. If you’re looking at soft porn, temptation builds as more and more skin is revealed and less and less clothes are worn. Porn addiction is either getting closer to “climax” or going from it. The visual stimulation increases and decreases like a wave on the shore of a beach in the form of people in various stages of nudity and sex.

    There are many theories about porn. One theory is it is healthy, and safe. Watching too much porn is not healthy. Try bringing yourself to climax somewhere private where you are safe without watching porn. Religious leaders might look down on others for masturbating, an addiction to porn might have nothing to do with pleasing a religious leader.

    Watching porn might be safe in private and it’s not a secret the source of the porn is making profit. If you’re addicted to porn or are worried that you’re watching too much porn for your own good, odds are the content you’ve watched is becoming more extreme. Everyone is unique and knows what turns them on. It’s up to you to turn off the porn show, website, channel, etc… It might not be that easy.

    The more amount of time you watch porn the more invested the creator of the content is in getting their product consumed.

    If you watch a lot of porn some of the photos on the home page of a news website might display a photo of a sexy model. THE PHOTO IS LINKED to more sexy photos.

    Remember you are in control. It’s your use of internet and Wi-Fi and mobile data and you have the power to do with your technology and magazine as you will.

  • Both sides now

    In news recently are reports of people saying having a relationship with God will relieve them of depression. I disagree and I love God. While some people’s depression might be relieved by having a relationship with God other people’s depression is more severe. A person experiencing severe depression might have been caused by a traumatic experience and requires taking medicine usually in the form of prescribed medication. Having good relationships with others can relieve depression. Good relationships with people are important. When you get along with the people in your life, social interactions become easier.

     It’s easier to meet new people and make more friends when you get along well with the people you know. Humans have evolved to live together. This is how life is created. A man and a woman living together are often mates and bring new life into the world. Life is a celebration of moments. Every moment is not extraordinary. One moment to the next are usually ordinary.

    A moment might be remembered as an incident and might pass by in the blink of an eye. Adults in business often talk about an incident in a negative tone of voice. For example, “there was an incident at work today” is an opening statement about something that happened at work that was not wanted.

     For example, if there are people involved in a car accident it is usually described as an incident. The details of the incident include everyone that was involved. Some drivers might stop at the scene of a car accident to help. Depending on the size of the accident, all the drivers on the road might need to stop. If a car accident appears to be small less drivers stop to help, passing by in the blink of an eye.

    When something good happens at work it’s usually talked about with a description explaining what was extraordinary, out of the ordinary. It was so and so’s birthday today. We brought cupcakes for everyone at the office to celebrate the person’s birthday. A birthday celebrated is an extraordinary moment in a long series of ordinary moments.