Interest or not

Tag: mental-health

  • Merry Christmas

    This Christmas eve I went to bed alone. I woke up early and my pet dog Sage greeted me. It the two of us and we have the whole apartment to ourselves. Sometimes I miss being around family and friends during Christmas. I imagine young children waking up safe and sound warm and dry, clean and with enough good food to eat. With many gifts from their family and friends waiting for them to open around their decorated Christmas tree. My imagination brings me joy and hope and good will towards humanity.

    I know many men women and children are waking up today cold and wet in soiled clothes and hungry having slept outside. I hope and pray for peace and comfort for them today and in the New Year.

    I am very fortunate to have a safe and warm home with a heater and plumbing and electricity in a safe neighborhood. And I’m fortunate that my kitchen is stalked with fresh nutritious foods.

    I’m grateful that I have work. I am grateful for the many men and women who volunteered and donated money and food and their time to charities I benefited from that helped keep me alive when I was homeless.

    I am grateful to live in USA, the country I am from and grew up in. I am grateful for the many things Americans have in United States like a stable Government, police and firefighters, hospitals and Doctors and Military protecting us.

    I am grateful that USA is a powerful country and I hope American US citizens can use our power to help other countries with less means to care for and protect their people.

    Before I was homeless I worked full time for many years starting at age 15. I paid income taxes on my work accomplished and I’m grateful to be a recipient of Social Security Disability Insurance. I’m grateful I can afford to pay for my medication that helps my mental health. I’m grateful my insurance covers my meetings with a Therapist I elected to meet with regularly. I live very far away, half way across the country from my closest in distance family. I am no longer a young boy and making friends in my local community is not as basic as it was in my home town many years ago.

    I’m grateful for my co-workers I’m getting to know better. I’m grateful for a local organization I’ve volunteered with and for my friends I’ve made volunteering together.

    I’m grateful I have the opportunity to earn as much money as possible and if and when I earn enough money will no longer qualify to receive SSDI. This is my opportunity. I am physically strong and able bodied. My mental health is very important to me and taking medication to reduce negative symptoms of my mental health is working.

    I’m grateful I own a car and do all my shopping and buy groceries and run errands and drive to work and to visit places in town and further away.

    I am grateful for the people I meet almost every day in town when I go to buy a cup of hot coffee in a cafe and when I shop in stores.

    I have so many things to be grateful for. I’m grateful I was able to start over from owning only the clothes I wore on my back to leasing an apartment I’ve filled with my possessions I’ve bought and gathered such as a cluster of sea shells I picked up on a beach.

    I’m grateful my ability to develop websites I kept although on hold through the years homeless I am currently using to give back to the local community. To learn about my new project helping to feed homeless people and people experiencing food insecurity in this region visit the website at https://nourishlink.org

    I hope to build Nourish Link with the help of many people who have skills that I don’t posses and bring insight and strength to the project beyond what I alone have began. I hope Nourish Link helps to feed many thousands of people in need of food support.

    I hope you and your loved ones are safe and warm.

    JAG

  • Luck

    I’m very lucky. I was in court 4.5 years ago and the judge told me I can not own a firearm. I’m lucky because I have no interest in owning a firearm. Violence doesn’t interest me. The only place I can stand violence is on a movie screen. Generally I’d rather watch a movie that is not violent. I still enjoy watching action and suspense movies on occasion and I leave the drama on the screen.

    I’ve had a lot of drama in my life when I was a kid and since then as an adult. The judge also told me in court that I need to take my prescription for the rest of my life. That is an order I accept. I accept both orders from the judge. I’ve been taking my medication every day for almost 5 years and went from living outdoors on the streets to having a home again.

    I have a car and a job and a pet dog and I pay my bills on time. I don’t know why the judge ruled that I can’t posses a firearm and that’s ok with me. I think it has to do with my case where I was barely recognized as being able to stand trial. The judge and prosecutor against me debated whether I was mentally competent to stand trial. I was doing very good taking my medication every day and going to all my psychologist and therapist meetings and doing well and showing improvement in the half way house I was living in. All these things combined had to do with the decision that I could stand trial.

    I was granted an attorney because I couldn’t afford one and he did a good job defending me in court. I have a long history of being in and out of psychological hospitals. Never for harming anyone else and never for self harm but when I was off my medication my behavior became very erratic and out of an abundance of caution I was brought in as an inpatient in numerous psychiatric hospitals.

    The first time I was a patient in a psychiatric hospital I was 30 and have gone back a number of times. I’m 47 and the last time I was in a psychiatric hospital was almost 5 years ago. I’m doing good these days. I live in an apartment I lease half way across the country from where I was born and grew up.

    I made many bad decisions as a teenager and in my twenties and grew up around many bad influences that were involved in illegal drugs and crime. I am grateful to be living safe and secure very very very far and away from those negative influences that surrounded me growing up and in my twenties.

    Life is not perfect, it’s not perfect for anyone. Sometimes I want more than what I can afford. I want to live in an apartment with a fenced in yard for my dog so she can go outside all day. It seems cruel to keep my dog inside almost every hour of the day every day.

    I’m keeping my hopes up. I would like to get off SSDI and go back to work full time. If I do that I could afford to rent a better apartment or a house with a fenced in yard for my dog.

    I’d like to be able to provide for a woman. I’d like to start a family and my experience having had a very difficult time just taking care of myself and staying housed makes the prospect of being able to provide for a woman less likely.

    Who knows, maybe I’ll fall in love with a sugar girlfriend who can afford to pay all the expenses. It could happen. I’m not holding my breath. If that were to happen there is a higher probability that if we have children that our kids are more likely to have mental health impairments.

    I have schizophrenia. I’ve been told by Doctor’s that my condition will deteriorate over time and my symptoms will increase. Schizophrenia is considered a life long disease. It’s not contagious but children of parents with schizophrenia have a higher risk of having mental health problems.

    I can see why a woman who want’s to have children would not want my sperm to get pregnant with. We could still love each other and raise a family together, but to be safe we would be wise to find a sperm sample from a sperm donor at a facility where men donate sperm to impregnate her.

    Schizophrenia is a serious mental health disease people have died from how they acted due to their symptoms. It causes hallucinations both visual and auditory. When a person with schizophrenia is experiencing their symptoms it can be very difficult to have a conversation with them. Often they become paranoid and irrational. Their words get mixed up and they have a difficult time communicating. This causes many problems because they are seeing things that are not real and hearing things that no one else hears.

    The down side of taking my medication every day is that some days I don’t want to leave my home. I’d rather lay on the couch and in bed almost all day. I might not even take my dog on a walk. I might be completely unmotivated. Those are difficult days.

    Work helps. I like to work and I like to be busy and have things to do. But I don’t work full time. I work part time. I can keep my SSDI benefits and work part time. If I go back to work full time I’ll lose my SSDI benefits.

    It’s scary because my SSDI benefits make up a significant amount of my monthly bills. That’s not what’s scary, what’s scary is that if I found a full time job and got hired there would be work days when I’d rather be home instead of working.

    I think that’s normal for many people, and people who don’t have a mental health disability are better at coping with wishing they were at home when they are working a full time job.

    I’m physically healthy. I am a laborer and can probably work another 20 years or longer doing labor. I’d like to think I can go back to work full time for 20 plus more years.

  • Things sometimes taken for granted

    I just turned on the heat in my home for the first time this Fall. After adjusting the thermostat to the desired temperature heat began flowing through the floor vents within two minutes where air conditioning flowed in the summer. I am so grateful and fortunate to have a home. It’s an apartment and I lease it. I was homeless for six years of my adult life. Most nights of those six years homeless I slept outside under the stars. I knew many cold nights. Cold snowy, icy winter Colorado nights. Nights where I kept moving to stave off the cold, stopping just long enough to rest and then walking through the night to keep from freezing to death until a bus station opened or a cafe when I could afford a cup of coffee. Some of those nights I was welcomed into warming centers for the homeless. Some nights I had a cot reserved in a homeless shelter. Some of those nights a Church and a Synagogue opened their doors as warming centers for homeless people where I stayed. Without the volunteers and donations that afforded me shelter on some of the coldest nights I would not be alive. Volunteers providing free health care and free meals helped to keep me alive and pushing through while I was homeless.

    I had stopped taking my prescribed medication for schizophrenia several years before my debilitated mental health forced me from the home I rented, onto the streets. While I was homeless I didn’t take medication. My refusal to take medication was a major contributing factor why I was homeless for six years.

    I lost all my belongings while I was homeless other than the clothes I wore and a backpack with supplies for living outside.

    Since then I started over. I was placed in a psychiatric hospital where I started taking medication and my recovery began. Recovery has been a long process. I still feel paranoia sometimes that makes no logical sense though through taking my medication every day my mental health has improved very much.

    It is perhaps simple for a person who has always lived in their home to take air conditioning and heat for granted. As people age they eventually start paying their own bills including utilities and might not take heat and air conditioning for granted the way they could have as a child.

    Growing up my home was always warm enough in the winter and if we didn’t have air conditioning we opened the windows to cool the place. That was normal to me. I took the warmth of home when it was cold outside for granted.

    At 18 I was working full time and moved into my own place, and began to pay all my bills. Paying my bills was an accomplishment. The feeling of independence from my family felt good.

    I had stable housing from when I was born until I was 27 when I became bipolar.

    I became homeless because I was using illegal drugs, stopped taking my medication and was emotionally strung out about a relationship with a woman that did not go the way I wanted it to.

    I had very little money when I was homeless and stopped using illegal drugs. I was single and not very eligible giving the conditions I was living in. My behavior was irrational and ability to communicate deteriorated significantly.

    I am very fortunate that my medication is affordable. Taking my medication every day has helped my recovery to this day. I can hold down intellectual conversations. I understand what people say when speaking to me. I regained control of my behavior.

    I lease my apartment. I have a job working as a laborer. I pay all my bills on time. I have a car and a pet dog. I live in a safe neighborhood and thriving community.

    My life is far from perfect and I have many things to be grateful and thankful for. I receive S.S.D.I. and I can go back to work full time and get off S.S.D.I. one day. Receiving S.S.D.I. is a blessing. Very many Americans are to thank for Social Security. You’ve probably paid into Social Security in your taxes and so have I.

    It’s good to be an American and a U.S. Citizen living in United States. I disagree with much of the current Administration in the White House in D.C. decisions they’ve made and policies and that is my right to disagree with politics I don’t believe in. Remember to vote.

    Many Americans become homeless for reasons outside of their control. I am lucky and fortunate that I was given the opportunity to recover in a safe and stable environment. I have many blessings and am a lucky man. I am a success story. While living in low income housing and working as a laborer at 47 years old might not look successful to many people, I am living the life I dreamed of when I was living on the streets.

  • It’s a peaceful life in the North West. Early Fall and the days are warm and nights are cold. It’s not much of a city here with the country side just down the road. From here, and this is the biggest city for many miles. From far away and this feels like a town. All-nighter clubs and bars don’t exist. Most go home before dark. The community is quiet at night. The highway through town brings travelers from across the country and their haul. Timber, pears and seafood from the west coast.

    I worry about illegal hauls, drug runners from south of the border poisoning the community with addiction. It’s a fierce battle for peoples health and safety, freedom and livelihood. The addiction is real, young kids get hooked on a drug growing up making bad decisions and risking it all. Keep your eyes open and nose clean. Word to the wise.

    I grew up one day, made better decisions than when I was a young man. Still the scars are on peoples lips at work, scars from bad decisions made they’re paying for to this day. Work is labor, it’s not the office kind. Work is controlling traffic at a construction zone. Good for a young man not in college trying to get by. Good for an older man who didn’t graduate college and still has the strength to stand for eight hours on the side of a road for a days pay.

    No hi paying salary here, that’s for a career at a desk. Sometimes I wonder what will become of me when I no longer have the strength to work on my feet laboring day by day. I hope to live long and in peace, one day with caretakers who keep me housed and fed. Keep your chin up.

    It’s a different kind of look into the future living paycheck to paycheck. Used to laboring for pay will come to an end one day. It’s not a future where all needs are met and then some. Being thrifty goes a long way. Limited money speaks for itself. It is worth living. Making the most of every day.

  • Timing

    Have you ever heard, “timing is everything” I’ve heard this statement time and time again from a young age growing up. In today’s world so much happens in 24 hours. On news reports that are aired to the public, the public receives the report instantly in the case of live news. Similarly making a live feed on TikTok or Facebook have a similar effect. This is the world humanity have adopted and growing into. Time’s have changed. Growing up cell phones did not exist. When there was news to share it was face to face in person. Time to tell a story and receive the story was at a human pace. Cellphones changed the way we communicate. To call someone we used to have to be home to place a call or at a payphone at a fixed location. Or at work. With cellphones the instant we want to share a story we can dial the number and press send from almost anywhere including in flight. And have live video chat instantly with the person answering on their cellphone. I am lucky. I’ve seen both. When a live news report on television was not as common as prerecorded news reports. When I had to be at home or at work to place a call. And those calls did not include live video. They were not in flight.

    This was normal for me and everyone else. When cellphones were made available on the market people gradually bought them and service for them. It took years and years and years before most people owned a cellphone.

    This is not the case today. Younger generations are growing up going to elementary school with their cellphones. It’s considered more safe to have a cellphone for many reasons.

    News travels as fast as the click of a send button. Dizzying is a way to describe how fast technology has developed. Dizzying for older generations. Younger generations are growing into the ability to communicate instantly. That is normal these days.

    It’s so tempting to place an instant call to a person you know to tell them about a news report you just watched. While that is your choice remember the phrase “timing is everything” There are opportune moments to tell someone a story and there are inopportune moments to share a story. Humans are sensitive. Humans are more sensitive than any technology. Humans are more receptive than any technology.

    It might make sense to call a family member to tell them about something that happened instead of waiting until your with them in person and able to tell them face to face. Some things can wait to be said when you’re in person, other things are important to say on a phone call right away.

    I live alone. My family live around United States and in foreign countries. Opportunities I have to speak to my family in person and face to face are limited in the many miles we live apart from each other. I know not to call my parents in the middle of the night waking them up. Similarly when I was living with my family I knew not to wake them up in the middle of the night to talk. Respecting others has to do with timing. Knowing when a good time to call family or a friend is important. Living many miles and states and borders away from my family make timing of my calls to family very important. Even during the day when I’m awake in Pacific time zone and family have already been awake for four hours on Eastern time zone we have to be sensitive and careful to make calls to each other when it’s sensible.

    If you think back to before the invention of the phone, people communicated mostly in person. Those days are before my time. We had one phone at home growing up. One person at a time could talk to someone else on it locally and long distance. Those days are our shared human history. Those stories are precious and remind us of when things went at a slower pace. Sharing news was done on horse back. That was the fastest method to get a message to someone else.

    Communicating is human nature. Humans are social beings. Communication is learned and speaking is powerful. Speaking to one-another and to groups is how society gets along and grows and learns from each other.

    I might not like or agree with a news report I watch during the day and how I respond and communicate about a story is important.

    The words I speak and who I choose to speak to has an effect.

    Many lessons can be learned from history, distant and recent. Saying the first words that come to mind are important living in society. Sometimes taking time to think about the words we use to share a story is sensible. Both are important and both are human nature.

  • Health, money, property, land time management

    I am a success story

     Since I got back into housing and through taking my prescribed medication every day, my mental health has improved very much. I went back to work part time. And I started a business. That’s right I am a business owner. My business is registered with the Secretary of State of Oregon’s Office to do business in Oregon and where it is based in my home office.

     I rent my home. It’s not mine in the sense of the land and the building. I own my business. I own the tools and supplies that make my office what it is. I own my minivan and everything in my home. The space I occupy in the apartment and parking spot I lease.

    I am an entrepreneur with potential

    My business is in my name. I am the owner of it. My business goes with me when I leave my office and goes with me in to my community and to the persons who I introduce to my business. My business is three months and about 9 days old. My business is in it’s infancy. It took a lot of time and money to start my business and create sales tools.

    My time is precious

    I need to work for an hourly wage with a local and credible business I have experience working for and increase my savings, to invest time in my business. My business doesn’t breathe like a human and doesn’t eat. My business needs more of my time to develop and it is in perfect condition. My business is paused until I have saved enough money to invest time to make sales.

  • Conflict resolution might be easy to speak about

    the boy and girl are not speaking

    I read a message on a news report today that said “who are you fighting for? It made me think of many years ago when I was a young boy. When I was a young child my parents separated, divorced and moved far away from each other. Me and my sisters were split between two homes. Our parents held a lot of anger and resentment toward each other. Their negativity toward each other was clear to us kids. Although we were not encouraged to fight with our fists. The statement “who are you fighting for” brought back a memory of those tough times when us kids were being told two very different stories from our parents.

     At a young age we relied on our parents for everything. It wasn’t until we moved away from our parents homes into the world and on our own when, speaking for myself I had a sense of relief. When parents quarrel, their kids might be brought into the argument and sending mixed messages are a result.

     One parent says one thing, the other parent says a different thing. That’s a mixed message. When kids are young and rely on their parents for everything and get mixed messages from their parents those messages have a large effect and cause problems in a family.

    Some parents argue then work it out and are stronger because they communicated through their problem to a solution. That’s better for the whole family.

    When parents argue sometimes the only thing that gets them to stop arguing is time and space and distance. They have to separate for their own health and for their children’s health. An argument can get so divisive that the solution is to move away from each other into different homes.

    Unfortunately this happens more these days for the reasons a couple have to call it quits. A couple of adults can get pregnant quick and if the couple are not meant to be together lives are changed. Sometimes it makes sense for a couple who are pregnant to separate. Better to call it quits than to be in a violent relationship.

    That brings me back to the news report about “who are you fighting for”. Us kids were not encouraged to fight with our fists. Boxing is a solution for many families. If you are a Boxer you know that challenging an opponent in a ring is much better than fighting without gloves. A Referee can help keep both Boxers from throwing punches below the belt and call off a Boxer who has clearly wounded their opponent before lasting harm is caused. Boxing is a dangerous sport and better than fighting without gloves.

    Communicating through a problem to a solution is better for everyone. No injuries, no injury. Agreeing to disagree is one way to cool off. Revisit a topic with a cool head. Take time with words from the disagreement instead of counteracting immediately.

    People in a party don’t see eye to eye on everything. There might be a leader of the party most people in the party agree with and if you consider everyone in the party, it doesn’t mean each person sees eye to eye on every matter. There might be a clear leader and is doesn’t mean that everyone in a party agrees 100% every time.

    There are challenges in life. It’s good to have challenges. A challenge can teach a person things they never thought were possible. Managing one challenge at a time is a good plan. Sometimes there are multiple challenges, and a good practice might be to give each challenge a different timeline. There is one you. If you have multiple challenges, it’s not simple to schedule them apart. You might not be able to afford to hire an assistant to help manage your responsibilities at home and at work.

    People are faced with challenges every day. A challenge doesn’t need to become violent. There might not be a reason to box it out. Talking through to a solution is better.

    “fight the good fight” is confusing. It’s a blanket statement without more words attached to it. There’s only enough room for one winner of the blanket. Fight the good fight a referee could say and make more sense to start a boxing match where opponents wear gloves, and stand inside a ring. More sense than taking it to a street with no rules.

    It’s important to get enough exercise. Some people get their aggression out safely in a wreck room.

    Learn to control your aggression and maybe you’ll never need to be violent to defend yourself or someone else.

    Think then act

  • Both sides now

    In news recently are reports of people saying having a relationship with God will relieve them of depression. I disagree and I love God. While some people’s depression might be relieved by having a relationship with God other people’s depression is more severe. A person experiencing severe depression might have been caused by a traumatic experience and requires taking medicine usually in the form of prescribed medication. Having good relationships with others can relieve depression. Good relationships with people are important. When you get along with the people in your life, social interactions become easier.

     It’s easier to meet new people and make more friends when you get along well with the people you know. Humans have evolved to live together. This is how life is created. A man and a woman living together are often mates and bring new life into the world. Life is a celebration of moments. Every moment is not extraordinary. One moment to the next are usually ordinary.

    A moment might be remembered as an incident and might pass by in the blink of an eye. Adults in business often talk about an incident in a negative tone of voice. For example, “there was an incident at work today” is an opening statement about something that happened at work that was not wanted.

     For example, if there are people involved in a car accident it is usually described as an incident. The details of the incident include everyone that was involved. Some drivers might stop at the scene of a car accident to help. Depending on the size of the accident, all the drivers on the road might need to stop. If a car accident appears to be small less drivers stop to help, passing by in the blink of an eye.

    When something good happens at work it’s usually talked about with a description explaining what was extraordinary, out of the ordinary. It was so and so’s birthday today. We brought cupcakes for everyone at the office to celebrate the person’s birthday. A birthday celebrated is an extraordinary moment in a long series of ordinary moments.