Interest or not

Tag: writing

  • Pain

    I don’t often feel pain. I’m healthy and strong. I rarely have a headache. Many years ago I fractured my wrists in a bicycle accident. That was painful. A long time ago I skateboarded, this was before I got my first car. I skateboarded a lot and from time to time fell onto the hard cement or road. That was painful.

    I am accurate to say the greatest pains in my life are more about mental anguish, confusion and uncertainty. They are a different kind of pain. Unlike falling onto a hard surface that is physically painful, mental anguish is not painful.

    I’ve experienced severe mental anguish when I was homeless. Not knowing where I was going to sleep day after day after day was mental anguish. Not knowing how I was going to feed myself for years homeless was mental anguish. Not having clean clothes to wear and not being able to bathe often was mental anguish.

    I never got used to it. I knew I would overcome and get back into housing. I knew to not give up. I didn’t give up and through a series of extraordinary events I was given a chance to get back into housing and took it.

    I had a lot of rehabilitation to do. After living outside for six years, I needed a lot of mental health rehabilitation. I started taking medication for my mental health I take to this day. I’ve been housed for the last five years and eight months.

    It’s 1:15 AM. While I slept last night I had a feeling of pain in my sleep. It wasn’t physical pain. It was mental anguish. Part of my dream was of when I was a teenager living in my fathers home. It was a very stressful time.

    My environment growing up wasn’t healthy in many ways. In Elementary school I took special education classes. I never did excel to the top of my class in academics. I managed to get decent grades when I tried very hard to understand the topic being taught. After one year of College I did not re enroll. I wasn’t ready to choose a major field of study and did not have enough of a reason to continue studying for a higher education.

    My father paid for my college enrollment and books and for the classes I took. When I stopped going to college my father took back the car he had given to me.

    I went back to work full time and other than when I was homeless have worked since.

  • Increased heart rate

    I worked today. At 9am I met my co-workers at Avis Car Rental where we rode in a shuttle to the Medford Airport. At the Airport we went to the Avis car rental desk inside the terminal where I showed the woman at the desk my drivers license and signed paperwork.

    The woman at Avis said we needed to write down the mileage on the car when we arrive at our destination ( Eugene Airport) and tell it to the people at the Avis car rental desk in the Eugene Airport. It was that simple. Before I left Medford Airport I exchanged phone numbers with one of my co-workers in case there was any delay on the road trip to Eugene Airport.

    I drove a KIA Q4 from the Medford Airport to the Eugene Airport. It took me about 3.5 hours to drive there. There was light rain coming down along highway 5. Clouds filled the sky making the weather overcast.

    I drove between 65-80 mph the whole way to the Airport. The speed limit was 65 mph and I drove at the speed of traffic. The KIA Q4 I drove was a newer model. I’d checked the tread and air pressure of the tires and turn signals before leaving the Medford Airport. The car accelerated fast and the breaks worked very well. It handled a little stiff. I’m used to driving my 2011 Kia Sedona minivan. It’s a different experience than driving the small KIA Q4 sedan close to the ground.

    I felt confident behind the wheal and the highway was clear most of the route. About half way to Eugene Airport a police car pulled up behind me and followed me a ways. The police car turned on it’s lights signaling me to pull over. I was driving the speed limit when the cop pulled me over and was a little surprised because I didn’t understand why I got pulled over. The officer parked behind me and walked over to the passenger side of the car I was parked in. I rolled down the window with the touch of a button as the officer walked up to the car.

    I said, “hello Officer”. He said “do you know why I pulled you over?” I said “no”. He said so you’re aware you are being recorded indicating to his body camera. He said your registration is expired. I said. I work for People Ready and am driving this Avis rental car from Medford Airport to Eugene Airport. The Officer asked me if I had any paperwork. The Officer asked me if I had a drivers license. I had the paperwork I signed at the Avis desk at the Airport on the passenger seat. I told the Officer I had paperwork from Avis and handed the pages and my driver’s license to him.

    The officer asked me if I was driving the rental car because they needed more cars at the Eugene Airport. I said that’s my guess. The Officer brought my driver’s license and the pages back to his patrol car. 5 minutes later the Officer walked back to the rental car I was parked in and returned my driver’s license and the papers to me. He said he called Avis and told them the registration is expired. I said thank you. Good to know. And that was it. The officer walked back to his patrol car and I signaled that I was getting ready to enter traffic and drove away.

    I was relieved that the incident lasted less than 10 minutes and that I was back on the highway driving to the Eugene Airport. The moments from when the cop pulled behind me and flashed his lights for me to pull over up until the moments when the officer walked up to the parked car I was in had my heart beating rapidly.

    I knew I didn’t do anything wrong and that’s why I was surprised that he pulled me over. To me, being approached by a police officer is a high adrenalin experience because of the numerous times in the past when I interacted with police and was in trouble.

    My heart rate was fast but I was in control. I think the Officer could have noticed that I was nervous if he suspected me of anything. I felt like my hand was shaking when I handed him the papers. As I spoke it became clear that I had nothing to hide and the officer looked relieved.

    I’ve had many experiences interacting with police officers in the past and a number of them were where I was in trouble with the law. Gradually my heartbeat slowed to normal.

    I was glad to be driving again on the highway in route to the Eugene Airport. The rest of my shift at work there were no surprises. After dropping off the rental car at the Eugene Airport and giving the key to the woman at the Avis desk we all met up and rode in a van to Medford to the Avis car rental lot where I parked my minivan.

    Back at home my pet dog Sage greeted me as usual and after I cleaned up the poop she left on the floor I took Sage for a walk to a store in my neighborhood where I bought a 6 pack of beer.

    It was an early evening to bed for me.

  • Privacy

    Privacy is not guaranteed 100% when it comes to my phone. I don’t know about you but I bought my cellphone standard. It came with photo and video recording on both sides. When I’m not using my phone I set it on a flat surface. How do I know that it is not recording video or photographs while I’m not using it? When it’s idle.

    I bought a shutter cover from TikTok. It came in a pack of 20 and cost less than $10 with shipping.

    I feel relieved to know when I manually close the shutter on my phone it won’t record video and photographs. It’s not a button, it didn’t come with my phone. It’s not part of the software.

    A digital button on a screen may have more meanings than the one word title on the button. When my phone is idle, when I’m not using my phone I know it won’t record the environment it is in because, since the shutter arrived in the mail I’ve installed it on my phone lens and keep it closed.

    In recent news an elderly woman was abducted from her home. The perpetrator is being sought after by law enforcement. I hope she is found soon alive and well and returned to her family. And I hope the perp is caught and is put in prison.

    Evidence from her video camera at the entrance of her home recorded a masked person approach her residence.

    How the evidence was brought to light is a current controversy. It was reported in the news that her subscription to the video had limits. When the F.B.I. reviewed the video on the door camera they found the video record of a person wearing a mask approach the entrance to her home.

    If I had a video recorder installed at the entrance to my home I’d want to record the entrance at all times. Apparently that service costs more.

    I feel safe in my neighborhood. I don’t have a video recorder installed at the entrance to my home. It’s not about money for me.

    Apparently the technology records at all times and the owners subscription might not allow them records of the video depending on the level of their subscription.

    When the technology records at all times and only some of the records are available to a subscriber with a limited subscription it seems like the records that are unavailable to the subscriber should be made available in the case where the elderly woman was abducted from her home.

    What’s recording and what’s not recording is a real issue for many people. The current case in news reports of an elderly woman abducted from her home is an extreme event. Extreme events are reasons why people install cameras outside their homes.

    What is a safe neighborhood is constantly being defined and redefined in real time by neighbors and the daily events that take place in a neighborhood.

    My neighborhood feels safe to me. I know many of my neighbors in my apartment complex by name. I speak to them throughout the week. I look out for my neighbors and I like to think that they look out for me.

    The shutter I manually installed on the lens of my phone helps me feel confident that a hacker is not watching me through my phone. It feels more secure to manually slide the shutter over the lens closing it, instead of relying on the title of a digital button that reads “record” when I haven’t pressed it.

  • Love

    Love is worth it. It’s worth opening your heart to someone else. Love was worth traveling thousands of miles away to meet a woman in person I first met online. Love shows itself mysteriously. Loving people are the most important living beings to love. I love me.

    I love my pet dog Sage. Sage is a dog friend. My dog is always home when I come home. My dog escaped several times and I was able to find her before long.

    I hope to move into a new to me house or apartment where there is a fenced in yard for me to let Sage outside during the day unleashed.

    This is love, letting my dog outside is a way I show Sage love. Sage loves to go outside on walks with me. Sage would love to live where she could be outside all day on warm days. The apartment I live in has no fence. Therefor to keep Sage my domesticated pet dog safe and healthy I keep her inside mostly.

    Sage broke this fence I put up around my front door. The fence lasted for several weeks.

    I take Sage outside several times a day. I took Sage on a walk on a nearby mountain several days ago. Sage loves going outside in nature.

    Ultimately here in my current home Sage is an indoor pet dog. That’s how it is. When I leave for work for 8 hours Sage pees and poops on the carpet. That is normal. I clean the carpet when I get home and take Sage outside. That’s the life of my indoor pet dog.

    Sage is a living breathing animal that cares about her environment and me when I’m home. Sage can tell when I’m happy and Sage can tell if I’m not feeling well or am anxious. Sage is my dog friend. Sage likes being petted and likes to eat and likes going on walks. I feed Sage twice a day and keep her bowl filled with clean clear water.

    Sage brings happiness to my life. Sage is almost 9.5 years old. Sage is an old dog. Sage doesn’t run very fast. Sage sometimes has a limp. Sage is overweight.

    Technically Sage is my pet therapy dog. I think regulating my blood pressure is helped when I pet sage. I talk to my pet dog Sage. I live with Sage. It’s the two of us at home. I am the man. Sage is the dog.

    Sage is the first pet I own in around 30 years.

  • I gave up

    Late at night safe and sound alone in my bed in my room in my apartment I rent. The words “I give up” entered my thoughts. I am very fortunate that I am strong and healthy and live in a good home in a safe neighborhood in a thriving community.

    I got up and drank some apple juice from my fridge. I slept ok. Then later last night my pet dog woke me up and I brought her outside to piss. I went back to bed and slept better. I woke up early this morning around 6am.

    I have so much to be grateful and thankful for. I have a job. I have a car. I receive SSDI and my income from SSDI and my part time job enable me to pay my bills and save some money.

    My home is clean and warm and my kitchen is filled with fresh nutritious foods. The plumbing works well. The water is clean and clear and heats up hot with the press of the sink handle. My heater keeps my entire apartment warm when it’s cold outside and cool during hot summer days. The roof and walls are solid and no leaks enter my home.

    My windows open bringing in fresh air from outside. The electricity is powerful and stable and connected in every area of my home. The internet connection is solid and stable and fast. I have all the material things I need in my home where I live comfortably.

    When I need to go shopping in town I do just that and typically drive to the stores I shop in. My home is built on a solid foundation on solid ground hundreds of miles inland in Southern Oregon’s Rogue Valley in Medford.

    I keep the three plants in my home watered regularly and in good health. I meet with a therapist regularly who supports me and my goals and my wishes and ambition. I can afford my medication that keeps my mental health strong.

    My family live thousands of miles away and they are all well and safe, housed and fed, employed and retired and living in peace.

    I vote to elect the persons who I feel best represent myself and Americans. I am free to travel and move into a better home in my community or another community that I choose.

    I can earn as much money as possible and get off SSDI. I am single and becoming available. I will meet a woman and become in love with her and she will love me in return.

    I can exercise every day and lose 70 pounds. English is my first language and I have a good command of it.

    45 days ago I started a project to feed as many homeless and food insecure people as possible at the website nourishlink.org I created by helping donors connect with specified and verified food relief charities working on the ground feeding homeless and food insecure people.

    I am free to make plans with people who interest me and I care about.

    Last night was the first time I remember telling myself “I give up” Today is January 31st 2026. The time is 9:43am Pacific. It was ok to “give up” and it is good to be strong and safe and secure here at my desk, the Nourish Link Organization office in my room in my apartment.

    My apartment is affordable and I will move into a better apartment this year and maybe pay a bit more where there will be no rule stopping me from inviting guests overnight without permission from the property management company.

    I am 47 and will be 48 in February. I have so many good things to accomplish in this life of mine. I am a good man. I am a good neighbor. I am a valued resident of my community.

    I am no longer homeless. I no longer have a warrant out for me. I am a law abiding citizen of United States and resident of Medford Oregon. I have a safe, secure and clean environment I live in. When I am ready I can move to a safe and secure apartment or house in a safe neighborhood that serves me better.

    I am not bound by my lease on my apartment. When I’ve found a new to me apartment or house to move into I will give notice to the apartment manager of this property. I can move into a new to me place and make it my home in 30 days.

  • Tea and Coffee

    I’m feeling thankful. I enjoy buying a cup of tea or coffee to sit with in a cafe and sip. Sipping a hot cup of coffee or an iced coffee on a cold day brings comfort to me. Enjoying this experience in a cafe I value very much. I live with my pet dog and three plants in an apartment I lease. Leaving home and going to a nearby cafe is something I find pleasure in.

    There are social bonds made over a cup of tea. Whether I go alone or with a friend greeting a barista is one piece of the bond. A simple, hello how are you, thank you makes me feel more human than putting coins into a vending machine for a beverage. Cafe’s are often busy environments where people come and go with their cups of coffee and to sit at a table in a cafe or outside on a patio.

    I was homeless twice. Once at age 30 for one year and then again at age 35 for 6 years. When I could afford to buy a cup of coffee or tea I would often go to a cafe and sit at a table enjoying every drop. Often I was dirty and my clothes were dirty but as long as I had several dollars to spend I was able to buy a selection of the beverages they made and sit in comfort at a table for an hour.

    It was great to be inside where the temperature was warm and the environment was clean. It was great to sit on a chair at a table in relative peace as the world and people in it continued with the day.

    Homeless people often have a difficult time being welcome in clean warm environments. A few dollars to spend on a cup of tea might be why a homeless person is at a table in a cafe. That’s not always the case. Many homeless people struggle with mental health weaknesses. I’ve struggled with mental health weaknesses for almost 21 years. When I was homeless I rarely took medication to support my mental health and had a difficult time relating to many people.

    Not taking medication for my mental health was one major factor why I was homeless. I was making bad decisions that effected my health and my safety and well being and not taking medication for my mental health made it worse.

    I closed my business and no longer had any income and soon ran out of savings and could no longer pay the lease for the house where I was living. Soon I had to leave the house and became homeless. I could not afford to pay for the lease on my car and had to return it to the bank who had given me the loan. Soon I could no longer afford to keep everything I owned in storage and lost all my possession’s.

    I had the clothes I wore and a backpack filled with things I needed to help me live outside.

    I am very lucky that through intervention I got on a safe and supportive path and back into housing. I’ve had a home for the last 4.5 years. I am a lucky man. There are many people, men and women I have to thank who helped me get on a safe path and back into housing.

    I went back to work 4 years ago. It feels great to work and earn money. I am able to save some money and pay my bills. I cherish my home. My home is in a safe neighborhood in a thriving community. I keep my home clean and bright. It’s great to have a “place” my home to stay safe and secure in. Protected away from harsh weather and dangerous persons.

    Being in good company with cups of tea in a cafe is a blessing of living in society.

  • Merry Christmas

    This Christmas eve I went to bed alone. I woke up early and my pet dog Sage greeted me. It the two of us and we have the whole apartment to ourselves. Sometimes I miss being around family and friends during Christmas. I imagine young children waking up safe and sound warm and dry, clean and with enough good food to eat. With many gifts from their family and friends waiting for them to open around their decorated Christmas tree. My imagination brings me joy and hope and good will towards humanity.

    I know many men women and children are waking up today cold and wet in soiled clothes and hungry having slept outside. I hope and pray for peace and comfort for them today and in the New Year.

    I am very fortunate to have a safe and warm home with a heater and plumbing and electricity in a safe neighborhood. And I’m fortunate that my kitchen is stalked with fresh nutritious foods.

    I’m grateful that I have work. I am grateful for the many men and women who volunteered and donated money and food and their time to charities I benefited from that helped keep me alive when I was homeless.

    I am grateful to live in USA, the country I am from and grew up in. I am grateful for the many things Americans have in United States like a stable Government, police and firefighters, hospitals and Doctors and Military protecting us.

    I am grateful that USA is a powerful country and I hope American US citizens can use our power to help other countries with less means to care for and protect their people.

    Before I was homeless I worked full time for many years starting at age 15. I paid income taxes on my work accomplished and I’m grateful to be a recipient of Social Security Disability Insurance. I’m grateful I can afford to pay for my medication that helps my mental health. I’m grateful my insurance covers my meetings with a Therapist I elected to meet with regularly. I live very far away, half way across the country from my closest in distance family. I am no longer a young boy and making friends in my local community is not as basic as it was in my home town many years ago.

    I’m grateful for my co-workers I’m getting to know better. I’m grateful for a local organization I’ve volunteered with and for my friends I’ve made volunteering together.

    I’m grateful I have the opportunity to earn as much money as possible and if and when I earn enough money will no longer qualify to receive SSDI. This is my opportunity. I am physically strong and able bodied. My mental health is very important to me and taking medication to reduce negative symptoms of my mental health is working.

    I’m grateful I own a car and do all my shopping and buy groceries and run errands and drive to work and to visit places in town and further away.

    I am grateful for the people I meet almost every day in town when I go to buy a cup of hot coffee in a cafe and when I shop in stores.

    I have so many things to be grateful for. I’m grateful I was able to start over from owning only the clothes I wore on my back to leasing an apartment I’ve filled with my possessions I’ve bought and gathered such as a cluster of sea shells I picked up on a beach.

    I’m grateful my ability to develop websites I kept although on hold through the years homeless I am currently using to give back to the local community. To learn about my new project helping to feed homeless people and people experiencing food insecurity in this region visit the website at https://nourishlink.org

    I hope to build Nourish Link with the help of many people who have skills that I don’t posses and bring insight and strength to the project beyond what I alone have began. I hope Nourish Link helps to feed many thousands of people in need of food support.

    I hope you and your loved ones are safe and warm.

    JAG

  • Thank you

    I received a book delivery today from a person working at Amazon. Title: The Story of My Life by Author Helen Keller. Thank you.

    I don’t know you, not that I know. I don’t know what implored you to give me the book. I believe I might have a secret admirer. In todays age, 2025 with all the rules and regulations and contracts people sign at work there might be a bigger reason why your identity is a secret to me.

    I started reading the book and am enjoying it. Thank you very much. I remember learning about Helen Keller in Elementary school and didn’t know much about her other than she was deaf and blind and learned to read brail and how to write.

    Later in High School my younger sister was cast as the role of Helen Keller in our High School theatrical performance of Hellen Keller. I learned then that Hellen Keller was an inspiration to many people. I don’t remember the performance very well my sister held the lead in. My sister was proud to play the lead in the performance. The story of Helen Keller inspired her. I’m looking forward to reading the book.

    I’m considering the gift as encouragement in the path I am on. Just over one week ago I started a new project. Information about it is at https://nourishlink.org I’ve started many projects and won’t say I’ve completed them all. I’ve learned from my failures. The new project I started feels hopeful. It’s as if it is my baby. I want to coddle it and feed it and care for it and give it attention. That’s the stage it’s in. There’s nothing to expect from Nourish Link at the early pilot beta manifestation that it is.

    I am an opinionated writer. I believe I encourage some of my readers in the words I share and surely put off readers who disagree with me politically. I imagine that you, who gave me the book appreciates my political views. New Books and delivery charges add up and I appreciate every word in it.

    Sometimes I wish that people who read my posts would write a comment and I’ve come to realize for the time being anonymity might have more to do with following rules of employment which is completely understandable, makes sense and is logical.

    Life is a blessing. There’s so much to be grateful for. Thanks again for the book.

    J.A.G.

  • Dream dream dream, dreeeeam

    I have some recurring dreams. By some I mean hundreds of dreams of being at my father’s house. The last one felt so real it hurt. I was a young boy and that’s what hurt. It hurt because I’m a middle age man and the details in my dream were vivid.

    Childhood is more than a game with good friends and caring adults. For the reader who’s grown into their adulthood looking back at their childhood might bring a smile or a tear or a frown to their face. Honestly, the emotion brought back from delving into a childhood memory can be very specific. One memory might be all happy. And brings a smile to their lips when thought about. Honestly, while it is said time goes by in a blink, like childhood is there one moment and gone the next.

    What makes a child an adult? The question seems odd. It takes time to grow. The words “grow up” comes to my mind. I don’t remember being told to grow up. I’m an adult. It took 47 years of growing to get here.

    Childhood is one stage of life. Before childhood is infancy. I believe, I could be wrong and I believe after the infancy stage of life is the toddler stage of life. The word toddler brings to my mind a very young child learning to walk and run. Possibly taking his or her first steps. The words toddling along comes to my mind of a very young child going at their own pace learning to walk.

    In my minds eye, the stage of life from being a child to a young adult is around 5 years old to puberty around 12 or 13 years old. I remember in middle school being told by teachers us classmates were young adults.

    In my dream I would have been a young adult at home in my dad’s house in the awkwardness of puberty. I cried out, “Dad help” in my dream then woke up. My desk is next to a lamp next to my bed. I got up to type. My desk is also my office space. The light on the ceiling is off. I got up and turned the heater on and saw through the dark to my desk and chair.

    I just got up to smoke a cigarette. Outside at the door of the apartment I call home. I stood facing the street looking beyond where my minivan is parked on the parking lot, beyond the road, above the curb on the other side of the road on the neighbor’s lawn is a tree. The tree is tall and alive and directly in view across from the entrance to the apartment. It’s a quiet night, early in the wee hours of a new day. I put the cigarette out before finishing it then rinsed the smell of tobacco off my hands and gulped milk from the gallon container in the fridge. I live alone. There is no one else to take offense from me drinking directly from the milk container. In the dark I dogged wet spots on the carpet where my dog peed. Later in the morning would be a good time to shampoo the carpet in my room where the dog pees and poops sometimes when I’m away at work during the day.

    There was smoking when I was a young adult. My dad smoked. I started smoking regularly when I was going to middle school.

    Maybe I’m finally getting over the reoccurring dreams I have while I sleep of my dad’s house. I don’t want to be haunted by them.

  • Luck

    I’m very lucky. I was in court 4.5 years ago and the judge told me I can not own a firearm. I’m lucky because I have no interest in owning a firearm. Violence doesn’t interest me. The only place I can stand violence is on a movie screen. Generally I’d rather watch a movie that is not violent. I still enjoy watching action and suspense movies on occasion and I leave the drama on the screen.

    I’ve had a lot of drama in my life when I was a kid and since then as an adult. The judge also told me in court that I need to take my prescription for the rest of my life. That is an order I accept. I accept both orders from the judge. I’ve been taking my medication every day for almost 5 years and went from living outdoors on the streets to having a home again.

    I have a car and a job and a pet dog and I pay my bills on time. I don’t know why the judge ruled that I can’t posses a firearm and that’s ok with me. I think it has to do with my case where I was barely recognized as being able to stand trial. The judge and prosecutor against me debated whether I was mentally competent to stand trial. I was doing very good taking my medication every day and going to all my psychologist and therapist meetings and doing well and showing improvement in the half way house I was living in. All these things combined had to do with the decision that I could stand trial.

    I was granted an attorney because I couldn’t afford one and he did a good job defending me in court. I have a long history of being in and out of psychological hospitals. Never for harming anyone else and never for self harm but when I was off my medication my behavior became very erratic and out of an abundance of caution I was brought in as an inpatient in numerous psychiatric hospitals.

    The first time I was a patient in a psychiatric hospital I was 30 and have gone back a number of times. I’m 47 and the last time I was in a psychiatric hospital was almost 5 years ago. I’m doing good these days. I live in an apartment I lease half way across the country from where I was born and grew up.

    I made many bad decisions as a teenager and in my twenties and grew up around many bad influences that were involved in illegal drugs and crime. I am grateful to be living safe and secure very very very far and away from those negative influences that surrounded me growing up and in my twenties.

    Life is not perfect, it’s not perfect for anyone. Sometimes I want more than what I can afford. I want to live in an apartment with a fenced in yard for my dog so she can go outside all day. It seems cruel to keep my dog inside almost every hour of the day every day.

    I’m keeping my hopes up. I would like to get off SSDI and go back to work full time. If I do that I could afford to rent a better apartment or a house with a fenced in yard for my dog.

    I’d like to be able to provide for a woman. I’d like to start a family and my experience having had a very difficult time just taking care of myself and staying housed makes the prospect of being able to provide for a woman less likely.

    Who knows, maybe I’ll fall in love with a sugar girlfriend who can afford to pay all the expenses. It could happen. I’m not holding my breath. If that were to happen there is a higher probability that if we have children that our kids are more likely to have mental health impairments.

    I have schizophrenia. I’ve been told by Doctor’s that my condition will deteriorate over time and my symptoms will increase. Schizophrenia is considered a life long disease. It’s not contagious but children of parents with schizophrenia have a higher risk of having mental health problems.

    I can see why a woman who want’s to have children would not want my sperm to get pregnant with. We could still love each other and raise a family together, but to be safe we would be wise to find a sperm sample from a sperm donor at a facility where men donate sperm to impregnate her.

    Schizophrenia is a serious mental health disease people have died from how they acted due to their symptoms. It causes hallucinations both visual and auditory. When a person with schizophrenia is experiencing their symptoms it can be very difficult to have a conversation with them. Often they become paranoid and irrational. Their words get mixed up and they have a difficult time communicating. This causes many problems because they are seeing things that are not real and hearing things that no one else hears.

    The down side of taking my medication every day is that some days I don’t want to leave my home. I’d rather lay on the couch and in bed almost all day. I might not even take my dog on a walk. I might be completely unmotivated. Those are difficult days.

    Work helps. I like to work and I like to be busy and have things to do. But I don’t work full time. I work part time. I can keep my SSDI benefits and work part time. If I go back to work full time I’ll lose my SSDI benefits.

    It’s scary because my SSDI benefits make up a significant amount of my monthly bills. That’s not what’s scary, what’s scary is that if I found a full time job and got hired there would be work days when I’d rather be home instead of working.

    I think that’s normal for many people, and people who don’t have a mental health disability are better at coping with wishing they were at home when they are working a full time job.

    I’m physically healthy. I am a laborer and can probably work another 20 years or longer doing labor. I’d like to think I can go back to work full time for 20 plus more years.