Conflict resolution might be easy to speak about

the boy and girl are not speaking

I read a message on a news report today that said “who are you fighting for? It made me think of many years ago when I was a young boy. When I was a young child my parents separated, divorced and moved far away from each other. Me and my sisters were split between two homes. Our parents held a lot of anger and resentment toward each other. Their negativity toward each other was clear to us kids. Although we were not encouraged to fight with our fists. The statement “who are you fighting for” brought back a memory of those tough times when us kids were being told two very different stories from our parents.

 At a young age we relied on our parents for everything. It wasn’t until we moved away from our parents homes into the world and on our own when, speaking for myself I had a sense of relief. When parents quarrel, their kids might be brought into the argument and sending mixed messages are a result.

 One parent says one thing, the other parent says a different thing. That’s a mixed message. When kids are young and rely on their parents for everything and get mixed messages from their parents those messages have a large effect and cause problems in a family.

Some parents argue then work it out and are stronger because they communicated through their problem to a solution. That’s better for the whole family.

When parents argue sometimes the only thing that gets them to stop arguing is time and space and distance. They have to separate for their own health and for their children’s health. An argument can get so divisive that the solution is to move away from each other into different homes.

Unfortunately this happens more these days for the reasons a couple have to call it quits. A couple of adults can get pregnant quick and if the couple are not meant to be together lives are changed. Sometimes it makes sense for a couple who are pregnant to separate. Better to call it quits than to be in a violent relationship.

That brings me back to the news report about “who are you fighting for”. Us kids were not encouraged to fight with our fists. Boxing is a solution for many families. If you are a Boxer you know that challenging an opponent in a ring is much better than fighting without gloves. A Referee can help keep both Boxers from throwing punches below the belt and call off a Boxer who has clearly wounded their opponent before lasting harm is caused. Boxing is a dangerous sport and better than fighting without gloves.

Communicating through a problem to a solution is better for everyone. No injuries, no injury. Agreeing to disagree is one way to cool off. Revisit a topic with a cool head. Take time with words from the disagreement instead of counteracting immediately.

People in a party don’t see eye to eye on everything. There might be a leader of the party most people in the party agree with and if you consider everyone in the party, it doesn’t mean each person sees eye to eye on every matter. There might be a clear leader and is doesn’t mean that everyone in a party agrees 100% every time.

There are challenges in life. It’s good to have challenges. A challenge can teach a person things they never thought were possible. Managing one challenge at a time is a good plan. Sometimes there are multiple challenges, and a good practice might be to give each challenge a different timeline. There is one you. If you have multiple challenges, it’s not simple to schedule them apart. You might not be able to afford to hire an assistant to help manage your responsibilities at home and at work.

People are faced with challenges every day. A challenge doesn’t need to become violent. There might not be a reason to box it out. Talking through to a solution is better.

“fight the good fight” is confusing. It’s a blanket statement without more words attached to it. There’s only enough room for one winner of the blanket. Fight the good fight a referee could say and make more sense to start a boxing match where opponents wear gloves, and stand inside a ring. More sense than taking it to a street with no rules.

It’s important to get enough exercise. Some people get their aggression out safely in a wreck room.

Learn to control your aggression and maybe you’ll never need to be violent to defend yourself or someone else.

Think then act