Interest or not

Category: A story to tell

  • Avoiding temptation and focusing on what’s good

    I’m at home sitting at my desk.

    Yesterday I went to a local park with a basketball court and brought my basketball. A mom was shooting hoops on the other side of the court with her two young children. I practiced by myself at one end shooting hoops and worked up a little sweat and got my heart pumping. A man was seated on a bench in the shade. One of the kids playing with his family on the court walked over to the man and they started talking. I think the man was probably the child’s dad.

    After a while of me making about 70% of the shots in the basket a young woman with her dog showed up near the court and sat down in the sunlight along the wall. She was beautiful. It was obvious to me that she was also homeless. She looked like she needed a new set of clothes and a shower and a good meal. I noticed that her breasts were hanging almost all the way out of her shirt. I continued shooting hoops and locked eyes with her several times.

    After a while she got up and walked with her dog to where she sat at a picnic table in the shade beside a homeless man.

    I was tempted to approach her and offer to buy her a meal. I didn’t. When I was done on the basketball court I set my basketball in my minivan, locked it and walked over to the calisthenics equipment in the park and exercised for a while. A woman and child were sitting on the grass talking. A man was sitting and reading in the shade under a large tree.

    My thoughts kept going back to the beautiful young homeless woman.

    When I was done exercising, I drove home. On the drive home I thought more about the beautiful young homeless woman and hoped she was able to find safety and the things she needed to get housing.

    I knew better. I knew from my own experience when I was homeless that although in one day a person can go from homeless to being housed it’s a process that takes a lot of time, days weeks and months of safe steady support in a stable healthy environment through the help of many people focused on helping a homeless person back into housing. That’s not my work.

    Sometimes I buy a homeless person a meal or hand a homeless person several dollars or my pocket change. I don’t trust that giving a homeless person I do not know more than a few dollars is a wise decision to make as a gift.

    I’m glad I didn’t approach the young beautiful homeless woman. I’m glad I didn’t speak to her. Looking her in the eyes was enough.

    Was she exposing her breasts to me on purpose or was she trying to be comfortable is not my business. I knew I could not help her and knew that approaching her would tempt me in ways that would not get her into permanent housing.

    Thinking more about the healthy strong families there in peace visiting the park while I exercised helped me to not lust after the beautiful young nearly topless homeless woman I could not help.

    I hope the homeless woman who was at the park makes it to where she is safe and supported and gets the help she needs to get into safe stable housing and a better future.

  • WAR

    The war against Iran is stressing me out. I haven’t been able to sleep at night well for the last three nights. The last time I felt this stressed was when I was homeless.

    I don’t like that the news calls it the war with Iran. The war is clearly against Iran. US and Israel instigated and started the war against Iran.

    I feel like we’ve just begun the war against Iran and it is in it’s infancy.

    I wanted to believe that the mistle strike at an Iranian girls school was propaganda. That’s what I thought at first. I’ve watched the story in the news and now I believe Iran’s version of the story that it was a US mistle that blew up a girls school in Iran. According to US news the intel was outdated and the school was near an Iranian military base. I don’t believe that the US intentionally targeted the Iranian school with a mistle but non the less the US did strike the Iranian school with a mistle.

    As much as 175 Iranian girls died in a mistle strike launched by the US military. This is unacceptable. President Donald Trump is denying that the US military launched a mistle at a girls school in Iran. I don’t trust Trumps word.

    I am against the war. I want the war to end. The war has killed over 1000 Iranians and cost the US $1 billion dollars per day. The US has already spent over 30 billion dollars on the war. Over 50,000 US military personnel are in the middle east. The next phase of the war is near. The next phase of the war could change from mistle and drone and air force strikes against Iran to the US military to include US troops on the ground in Iran to fight Iran’s military.

  • I want to get fit

    I’m 48 years old. I weigh 219 pounds. I’m 5’7″. I’d like to lose close to 60 pounds of weight more or less. I am big boned. I want to get stronger. I want to get in shape. I want to be muscular and have no extra fat. My tummy is large. My extra weight is almost all in my tummy. To lose weight, get in shape and gain muscle mass I’ll eat smaller portions of food and eat less sugary candy and drink more water and exercise jogging, doing sit ups and push ups. I’ll drink less alcohol. I won’t overeat. I need to get on a routine of exercising and stay on it.

    Getting in shape and fit will increase my energy and stamina and endurance and resilience. When I’m in shape I feel better about myself, my confidence increases and I feel better. By gradually losing weight going to my ideal weight of around 160 pounds my health will increase.

    5 years ago I was homeless and often hungry. I probably weighed near 160 pounds and was lean. I walked a lot. I ate what I could which was often low quality cheap foods.

    When I first got back into housing I was fed endless plates of donated food breakfast lunch and dinner and snacks between meals and after dinner almost every day. My weight shot up and I didn’t exercise barely at all. I stopped going on long walks. My weight has increased since.

    After being in housing for 7 months and off the streets I moved into the apartment buildings where I rent the apartment I live in. I continued to eat a lot of food every day. I started shopping for my own food and cooking all my meals other than meals I ate at restaurants. The quality of food I ate increased, but I was eating large portions, larger than what’s best for my health. After living in the apartment for 10 months I went back to work 20 hours per week. The work is almost completely manual labor. I got some exercise at work and didn’t exercise much at all outside of work. My food portions remained excessive and I snacked between most meals. My weight steadily increased and has hovered around 218-225 pounds for nearly 5 years.

    Today is March 26th 2026. It’s 7:12 am Pacific. I’m sitting at my desk. I have a long life to live and a lot of love to give.

    Improving my health will increase my happiness and well being.

    I can go back to work full time and get off SSDI. Getting on an exercise routine and staying on it is a way to achieve my stated goal.

    Live is good

  • Small and large decisions

    If you are a US Citizen and age 18 and older you can vote and I encourage you to vote. The first time I voted I was 18. I’ve voted in every presidential election since and in many local elections.

    You can keep who you voted for a secret. It’s your vote and not someone else’s. While elected politicians and Americans campaigning to get elected are known for their politics, citizens with no interest in becoming a politician are encouraged to voice their thoughts and opinions about local and national politics and on how US Politicians agendas effect foreign countries in the world around us.

    I care about my neighborhood, community, State, this Nation and about what Americans do around the world. This is why I voice my opinion near and far.

    As an American and US Citizen you are free to express yourself and speak up for what you believe in. This is a fundamental freedom Americans have, and it is important for us to share our thoughts and opinions throughout life.

    I believe a good politician doesn’t rely on their label as a Democrat or label as a Republican or label as an Independent and instead leads by setting a good example. A person’s character is more important than the name of their political party.

    People who want you to succeed and live a happy healthy life will encourage you to speak up when you want.

    Every story has a beginning, middle and end. And in every story, there is a challenge, whether it is small or large. Whether you are at the beginning of your story, in the middle of it or near the end play an active role. Learn from other people who have realized the results you want to achieve and remember to trust your gut instinct.

    Everything I’ve written in this post may seem obvious to some although not enough people understand and utilize these basic inalienable rights we have as Americans.

    If everyone around you makes your decisions you could be a prisoner locked in a cell. When to wake up, when to sleep, when and what to eat, when and where to move are all dictated by prison guards.

    Critical decision-making skills are learned as a young child grows into an adult and throughout life. At some point most elderly people need to rely more and more on younger generations to help them live healthy lives in peace and comfort. A lifetime of good decision making makes living a long healthy and happy life in peace and comfort possible for seniors and the oldest people alive.

    Surround yourself with safe healthy people who actively make your neighborhood, community, this nation and the world a better place to live.

  • Two countries, two leaders, two agendas

    I turned 48 years old just over one week ago. If I was thirty years younger I’d be a little concerned about being drafted into the US Military. Today is March 6th 2026. I’m not overly worried about US Citizens being forced to join the Military. I don’t know a lot about the Military. I tried to enroll in the Military once when I was 30 years old and homeless and turned away due to mental health weaknesses.

    I learned from searching Google there are over 2 million men and women serving in active duty and reserve duty in the Military. 750,000 to 775,000 of those men and women serving in the Military are in reserve duty. Most of the men and women serving in the Military are serving in active duty. That doesn’t mean that every man and woman serving in active duty in the Military will be sent to a foreign country. That doesn’t mean that every man and woman serving in active duty in the Military will travel to and fight in combat.

    Being the most lethal military on Earth has some to do with perception. Perception we have as Americans and the perception foreign nations have about the US Military are we are the most lethal military on Earth. That’s the story shared in new reports from reporters communicating directly with members of the US Government for many years. While US is a super power so are China and Russia and North Korea and none of those countries are our closest allies.

     I firmly believe that most men and women in the Military will never fight in combat. Many of the men and women in the military serve on ships and submarines and in fighter jets. Members of the military operating ships, submarines and fighter jets and bomber airplanes are often the first men and women called to fight in a war. The understanding is that American lives are saved when we kill our enemies from a safe distance with bombs and mistles and drones.

     My understanding watching as a civilian from a safe distance at home in the US on news reports is that men and women in the military are asked to serve in combat missions less and when that happens it is more often to help manage foreign civilians in a foreign country United States is at war with.

     This doesn’t mean that there are no American casualties when USA is at war. US fighter jets have been shot out of the sky and the pilots have not always been able to parachute to safety and have died in combat. American ships and submarines have been sunk by foreign militaries that have killed nearly everyone on board in the past. Often in war many lives are lost.

     While being drafted to join the Military has been forced on US Citizens in the past, I doubt that will happen again. Americans are continually joining the Military and continually being honorably discharged from the Military. No one wants to die in war and that is one of the sacrifices the men and women of the US Military have done and prepare themselves to do. This is called the ultimate sacrifice.

    I think the Trump Administration would be wise to create some distance between Israel and US interests. Currently Benjamin Netanyahu has said he will kill the new leader of Iran. At the same time Trump is saying he want’s to help pick the new leader of Iran. This puts Trump and Netanyahu at odds. This is not wise.

    US and Israel are the two main aggressors in the war against Iran. US and Israel do not fight side by side. The leaders of our separate nations have different agendas regarding the next leader of Iran.

    If all Israel sees is blood in their eyes towards a leader of Iran and USA wants to help choose who the next leader of Iran is that is a conflict of interest.

    It makes sense that different countries have different agendas and as allies US and Israel should get on the same page that the next leader of Iran should be a leader who works towards peace in Iran and in the Middle East to include peace with Israel and with USA.

    Israel needs to forgive and forget and learn that for there to be lasting peace in Iran and no threats from Iran, Iran needs to have a leader who will guide their people in peace. For Iran to be at peace and not threaten other countries Iranian civilians need to know that they and their leader are not threatened by Israel and USA.

    May peace prevail.

  • I wish

    I wish people of Earth are at peace. I wish for many things that are not tangible. Peace is a feeling. Being at peace is a state of mind. A peaceful mindset is calm. I wish people around Earth feel calm. I wish people around Earth know no-one will harm them. Confidence is a natural state of mind when there is no threat. Threats come in many forms. Threats can come from other people near and far.

    The other day my neighbor knocked on the door to my home and when I opened it she asked me to drive her to fer friends house for her to get her medication. Her ask was irritating to my peace of mind. I was getting ready to make a meal for myself when she knocked on the door to my home.

    I think my neighbor is using crystal meth amphetamine. She had blisters on her face and complained about being in pain. I think the medication at her friends house is not prescribed to her. It’s dangerous to take medication not prescribed to you. It’s also illegal.

    I told my neighbor no. That was it, she was upset and left. That’s ok with me. I’m not responsible for her.

    The same neighbor told me she’s not sober. She once told me she’s been using crystal meth amphetamine for most of her life. One week ago the same neighbor knocked on the door to my home and when I opened the door she started telling me a story and asked me if I remembered when her guests stole her possessions from her home. I said no. The only time I’ve been in her home was when she asked me to help connect her tablet to the internet. No one else was there. I don’t keep track of people coming and going to her home.

    She said she filed a police report and needed a ride to her friends house to get the police report. The story already sounded strange but I agreed and drove her to her friends house. On the way their she talked about how she’s in so much pain. In retrospect I think she went to her friends house for pain medication.

    I rarely give my neighbors rides anywhere. This is some of the drama that often surrounds the apartment buildings where I live. I live in a low income housing apartment. My guess is that every tenant in the apartment buildings receive some support from social services programs. I do. I am receiving SSDI from Social Security.

    I’ve lived in these apartment buildings for over 4 years. Many of the tenants in these apartment buildings seem to move away after one year. Some stay longer, some leave sooner. In the apartment buildings there is one tenant who has lived here longer than me.

    I feel safe in my neighborhood. I feel safe around my neighbors and it’s important that I keep a safe distance from them in general. Many of my neighbors have had or are addicts and have mental health problems.

    I was an addict for many years. I have mental health weaknesses I’m told will last the rest of my life and get worse over time. I’ve been sober for almost 11 years. I take prescribed medication every day that helps improve my mental health and minimizes mental health symptoms.

    I live alone in the apartment I lease. I have a pet therapy dog. My home is like a temple. I relax at home. I rest at home. After a long day at work I recuperate at home. I keep my home clean and enjoy being at home. Home is where the heart is. The hearth is at home.

    In news on my phone and computer and television very much of it is bad and unfortunate. It’s important for me to not consume too much bad news for my mental health and peace of mind.

    Life is good.

  • Can’t sleep

    Trump is a pedophile. This is why the USA is at WAR with Iran. It’s 12:17am Words are on my mind. Every word I can think of is bottled up wanting to be said, wanting to be used in a statement, in a conversation, with someone who will listen.

    USA is a land of immigrants. The only people in USA who are not immigrants are Native American Indians. Much of Mexico was where the United States are today. Hundreds of years ago the border was redrawn when USA took over more land from Mexico to the South. This is why many Mexican Americans are native to USA.

    Elected Officials were getting close to subpoenaing Donald Trump to testify about his actions surrounding dead pedophile Jeffrey Epstein when Donald Trump commanded the US Military to attack Iran.

    What Donald Trump has done is outrageous. Donald Trump is a boy in an adult body. He said it himself when talking about taking over Cuba to news reporters. He said when I’m a young boy referring to the many years of troubles USA has had with Cuba.

    I fear the WAR us is in with Iran might last longer than a week or two or three or four or five. The US Government are in disagreement about going to war with Iran and have no clear timeline for and end.

    I don’t believe that Trump cares for the Iranian people. I think Trump want’s cheap oil. Trump appears to have no plan or inclination to help Iran rebuild their regime.

    I pray for peace on Earth.

  • Peering through social media

    I’m witnessing safe here at home in USA on my phone, messages videos, and news reports of destruction and violence in Mexico. It’s sad to see the chaos that is unfolding in Mexico. A crime boss was killed by the Mexican Military, and the chaos is in response to the death of their crime boss.

    Now is not a good time to travel to Mexico. It’s not safe in Mexico even for Mexican citizens. Criminals in Mexico are burning property and causing chaos to intimidate Mexicans and everyone in Mexico who are not involved in crime.

    Now that the crime boss is dead, I’m guessing that the criminals are experiencing an identity crisis. The criminals have no leader. Without a leader they’ve lost control. The most profitable criminal activity in Mexico is probably the trafficking of cocaine to United States.

    It’s sad to watch the destruction and violence even safe from a distance. I’m glad I don’t use illegal drugs anymore. I’m glad I’m no longer an addict. I’m glad I no longer associate with criminals. I’m glad I know no criminals in the community I live in.

    I’ve been sober for almost 13 years. I moved halfway across the US to a different State and community away from the criminal activity and criminals I associated with when I was an addict.

    It’s good to be here. Safe and sound.

    In the long run, possibly many years from now cocaine will become legal to consume in United States. If that happened, it could be controlled and taxed similar to how marijuana became legal in many States in United States. The quality would be controlled, and it would be less dangerous. Age limits would be required to purchase cocaine, and less youth would become addicted to it.

    Deaths and violence from the transportation and use of cocaine would decrease. These are positive things that would happen with legalization of cocaine in US.

    In Mexico south all the way to South America the legalization of cocaine in the US would have a ripple effect south of the US border. Crime south of the US border would decrease. Violence and killings south of the US border would decrease.

    I am not sympathetic to criminals, and I am not sympathetic to the crimes they commit. Illegal drugs are illegal for good reasons. Addiction causes many problems to the user and to everyone transporting and selling the drug all the way from where the drug was grown and manufactured.

    Legalizing cocaine won’t stop people from becoming addicts. Legalizing cocaine would not stop people from overdosing and dyeing from consuming it. Legalizing cocaine would reduce overdoses and deaths from consuming cocaine.

    I am for reducing overdoses and reducing deaths due to the consumption of cocaine. I am for the Government to control cocaine. I believe that the best way for the Government to control cocaine is by changing the laws around cocaine.

    If it was legal for adults to possess a small amount of cocaine in the US for recreational purposes on private property, the trafficking of cocaine would have to be controlled and legalized. There would have to be a retail store where the quality of the drug was controlled and only sold in small quantities to adults. The retail store could only be licensed to operate by the Government in a commercial property zone not near any school.

    I knew from being an addict to cocaine for many years that intimidation and paranoia were reasons why I would continue to seek out a drug dealer. Being addicted to cocaine ruined my physical and mental health. Over years I spent many thousands of dollars buying cocaine I consumed. I was often paranoid. I  risked my health and safety and the health and safety of others every time I bought and used cocaine.

    There was no safe place to buy cocaine. The drug dealer was often intimidating and threatening. There was no guarantee that the cocaine I bought wasn’t mixed with a dangerous toxin making it more dangerous and more detrimental to my health. I risked my freedom every time I bought cocaine.

    Every time a person buys an illegal drug they are actively involved in crime. Every time a person possesses an illegal drug they are actively involved in crime.

    Crime is not the answer. Being around illegal activity is bad news. It’s important that illegal substances are controlled by the Government and there are better ways.

  • Pain

    I don’t often feel pain. I’m healthy and strong. I rarely have a headache. Many years ago I fractured my wrists in a bicycle accident. That was painful. A long time ago I skateboarded, this was before I got my first car. I skateboarded a lot and from time to time fell onto the hard cement or road. That was painful.

    I am accurate to say the greatest pains in my life are more about mental anguish, confusion and uncertainty. They are a different kind of pain. Unlike falling onto a hard surface that is physically painful, mental anguish is not painful.

    I’ve experienced severe mental anguish when I was homeless. Not knowing where I was going to sleep day after day after day was mental anguish. Not knowing how I was going to feed myself for years homeless was mental anguish. Not having clean clothes to wear and not being able to bathe often was mental anguish.

    I never got used to it. I knew I would overcome and get back into housing. I knew to not give up. I didn’t give up and through a series of extraordinary events I was given a chance to get back into housing and took it.

    I had a lot of rehabilitation to do. After living outside for six years, I needed a lot of mental health rehabilitation. I started taking medication for my mental health I take to this day. I’ve been housed for the last five years and eight months.

    It’s 1:15 AM. While I slept last night I had a feeling of pain in my sleep. It wasn’t physical pain. It was mental anguish. Part of my dream was of when I was a teenager living in my fathers home. It was a very stressful time.

    My environment growing up wasn’t healthy in many ways. In Elementary school I took special education classes. I never did excel to the top of my class in academics. I managed to get decent grades when I tried very hard to understand the topic being taught. After one year of College I did not re enroll. I wasn’t ready to choose a major field of study and did not have enough of a reason to continue studying for a higher education.

    My father paid for my college enrollment and books and for the classes I took. When I stopped going to college my father took back the car he had given to me.

    I went back to work full time and other than when I was homeless have worked since.

  • Increased heart rate

    I worked today. At 9am I met my co-workers at Avis Car Rental where we rode in a shuttle to the Medford Airport. At the Airport we went to the Avis car rental desk inside the terminal where I showed the woman at the desk my drivers license and signed paperwork.

    The woman at Avis said we needed to write down the mileage on the car when we arrive at our destination ( Eugene Airport) and tell it to the people at the Avis car rental desk in the Eugene Airport. It was that simple. Before I left Medford Airport I exchanged phone numbers with one of my co-workers in case there was any delay on the road trip to Eugene Airport.

    I drove a KIA Q4 from the Medford Airport to the Eugene Airport. It took me about 3.5 hours to drive there. There was light rain coming down along highway 5. Clouds filled the sky making the weather overcast.

    I drove between 65-80 mph the whole way to the Airport. The speed limit was 65 mph and I drove at the speed of traffic. The KIA Q4 I drove was a newer model. I’d checked the tread and air pressure of the tires and turn signals before leaving the Medford Airport. The car accelerated fast and the breaks worked very well. It handled a little stiff. I’m used to driving my 2011 Kia Sedona minivan. It’s a different experience than driving the small KIA Q4 sedan close to the ground.

    I felt confident behind the wheal and the highway was clear most of the route. About half way to Eugene Airport a police car pulled up behind me and followed me a ways. The police car turned on it’s lights signaling me to pull over. I was driving the speed limit when the cop pulled me over and was a little surprised because I didn’t understand why I got pulled over. The officer parked behind me and walked over to the passenger side of the car I was parked in. I rolled down the window with the touch of a button as the officer walked up to the car.

    I said, “hello Officer”. He said “do you know why I pulled you over?” I said “no”. He said so you’re aware you are being recorded indicating to his body camera. He said your registration is expired. I said. I work for People Ready and am driving this Avis rental car from Medford Airport to Eugene Airport. The Officer asked me if I had any paperwork. The Officer asked me if I had a drivers license. I had the paperwork I signed at the Avis desk at the Airport on the passenger seat. I told the Officer I had paperwork from Avis and handed the pages and my driver’s license to him.

    The officer asked me if I was driving the rental car because they needed more cars at the Eugene Airport. I said that’s my guess. The Officer brought my driver’s license and the pages back to his patrol car. 5 minutes later the Officer walked back to the rental car I was parked in and returned my driver’s license and the papers to me. He said he called Avis and told them the registration is expired. I said thank you. Good to know. And that was it. The officer walked back to his patrol car and I signaled that I was getting ready to enter traffic and drove away.

    I was relieved that the incident lasted less than 10 minutes and that I was back on the highway driving to the Eugene Airport. The moments from when the cop pulled behind me and flashed his lights for me to pull over up until the moments when the officer walked up to the parked car I was in had my heart beating rapidly.

    I knew I didn’t do anything wrong and that’s why I was surprised that he pulled me over. To me, being approached by a police officer is a high adrenalin experience because of the numerous times in the past when I interacted with police and was in trouble.

    My heart rate was fast but I was in control. I think the Officer could have noticed that I was nervous if he suspected me of anything. I felt like my hand was shaking when I handed him the papers. As I spoke it became clear that I had nothing to hide and the officer looked relieved.

    I’ve had many experiences interacting with police officers in the past and a number of them were where I was in trouble with the law. Gradually my heartbeat slowed to normal.

    I was glad to be driving again on the highway in route to the Eugene Airport. The rest of my shift at work there were no surprises. After dropping off the rental car at the Eugene Airport and giving the key to the woman at the Avis desk we all met up and rode in a van to Medford to the Avis car rental lot where I parked my minivan.

    Back at home my pet dog Sage greeted me as usual and after I cleaned up the poop she left on the floor I took Sage for a walk to a store in my neighborhood where I bought a 6 pack of beer.

    It was an early evening to bed for me.