I remember when I was a young boy I had recurring dreams of being in a Mall. It was the mall in my home town. The town where I was born. A indoor mall. In my dreams I was in a clothes department hiding under a rack of clothes. I was scared, anxious and alone. This dream reoccurred to me many times at night asleep. Since then that Mall closed and was demolished. In it’s place is an open air mall on the same foot print of land. It takes up more land today.
As a young boy my dreams got worse. In my dreams the mall closed and was vacant and dormant. Locked up. No business signs, no cars parked in the sprawling parking lot. Almost like in a ghost town. Sometimes in those uncomfortable dreams at night while asleep I had no where to go. I had no shelter. I crawled through a hole in a wall into the indoor Mall escaping from an unknown danger. Those dreams while asleep at night also reoccurred. I haven’t had those uncomfortable and severely uncomfortable dreams in many years.
At night in my home safe asleep in my bed my dreams have evolved. I’m a middle aged man. Snapping out of an uncomfortable dream at night while asleep in bed is much easier for me to accomplish. I’m the same human I was 35 years ago and many things have changed. I’ve grown a lot and I moved. I live half way across the country from the town where I was born.
People have changed in 35 years. The same people who scared me, who I felt anxious around and felt unsafe near are no longer in my life. I moved on and away from those people and predicaments. Far away to a community that was new to me.
I have many people to thank for helping me leave those dangerous problematic people far far away. Many people helped me when I arrived in the community where I live. Volunteers donating their time gave me food when I was hungry. Volunteers opened up shelters for me to sleep in at night safe and secure and warm protected from the elements. People I did not know helped me, volunteers.
Tax Payers helped me. Social Security Disability Insurance was awarded to me. From every year and month and days that become weeks, the accumulation of work I’ve done paying taxes helped fund Social Security. I got help applying for SSDI and eventually was awarded SSDI. I have so many people to thank. People I have not met in person helped me working in Social Services.
I’m alive and well today thanks to the help of many people. Doctors created medicine in a laboratory I receive as a prescription helps me with my mental health. I am very fortunate the medicine I need for my sanity is available at pharmacies and I have a prescription for. I have very many things to be grateful for.
It feels good here in my home I lease. It’s not my own home but I can buy residential real estate in the future. In my future. Not a future in real estate terms that is sold like a time share. A piece of land with a house on it I buy and live on. The future. Life is good. The people in my life support me, encourage me and care about me.
I was asleep at home in my bed 20 minutes ago. My dream got a little bit awkward. I snapped out of it and woke up. Reflecting in my minds eye where I was dreaming about earlier tonight helped. Awkward moments happen sometimes. I’m not immune to feeling awkward. Sometimes when I’m somewhere like a mall for the first time there might be an awkward moment while I’m adjusting to being in the environment.
An awkward moment might happen if someone says or does something inappropriate. It might not be terrible and at the same time is uncalled for behavior. Everyone is different. Often an awkward moment can pass in a few seconds or a minute with no harm done, no intentional foul.
I think that is one of the beauties of life. There are many people living together. Some people live alone. In public now I am not. I am in my bedroom at my desk. When in public everyone doesn’t behave the same. We all have heart beats, and our own breaths and facial expressions. People are in public for many reasons. Many different reasons. There are people to avoid and there are people to share time together with, enjoy being around and learn good lessons from.
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