Interest or not

Category: A story to tell

  • I wish

    I wish people of Earth are at peace. I wish for many things that are not tangible. Peace is a feeling. Being at peace is a state of mind. A peaceful mindset is calm. I wish people around Earth feel calm. I wish people around Earth know no-one will harm them. Confidence is a natural state of mind when there is no threat. Threats come in many forms. Threats can come from other people near and far.

    The other day my neighbor knocked on the door to my home and when I opened it she asked me to drive her to fer friends house for her to get her medication. Her ask was irritating to my peace of mind. I was getting ready to make a meal for myself when she knocked on the door to my home.

    I think my neighbor is using crystal meth amphetamine. She had blisters on her face and complained about being in pain. I think the medication at her friends house is not prescribed to her. It’s dangerous to take medication not prescribed to you. It’s also illegal.

    I told my neighbor no. That was it, she was upset and left. That’s ok with me. I’m not responsible for her.

    The same neighbor told me she’s not sober. She once told me she’s been using crystal meth amphetamine for most of her life. One week ago the same neighbor knocked on the door to my home and when I opened the door she started telling me a story and asked me if I remembered when her guests stole her possessions from her home. I said no. The only time I’ve been in her home was when she asked me to help connect her tablet to the internet. No one else was there. I don’t keep track of people coming and going to her home.

    She said she filed a police report and needed a ride to her friends house to get the police report. The story already sounded strange but I agreed and drove her to her friends house. On the way their she talked about how she’s in so much pain. In retrospect I think she went to her friends house for pain medication.

    I rarely give my neighbors rides anywhere. This is some of the drama that often surrounds the apartment buildings where I live. I live in a low income housing apartment. My guess is that every tenant in the apartment buildings receive some support from social services programs. I do. I am receiving SSDI from Social Security.

    I’ve lived in these apartment buildings for over 4 years. Many of the tenants in these apartment buildings seem to move away after one year. Some stay longer, some leave sooner. In the apartment buildings there is one tenant who has lived here longer than me.

    I feel safe in my neighborhood. I feel safe around my neighbors and it’s important that I keep a safe distance from them in general. Many of my neighbors have had or are addicts and have mental health problems.

    I was an addict for many years. I have mental health weaknesses I’m told will last the rest of my life and get worse over time. I’ve been sober for almost 11 years. I take prescribed medication every day that helps improve my mental health and minimizes mental health symptoms.

    I live alone in the apartment I lease. I have a pet therapy dog. My home is like a temple. I relax at home. I rest at home. After a long day at work I recuperate at home. I keep my home clean and enjoy being at home. Home is where the heart is. The hearth is at home.

    In news on my phone and computer and television very much of it is bad and unfortunate. It’s important for me to not consume too much bad news for my mental health and peace of mind.

    Life is good.

  • Can’t sleep

    It’s 12:17am Words are on my mind. Every word I can think of is bottled up wanting to be said, wanting to be used in a statement, in a conversation, with someone who will listen.

    USA is a land of immigrants. The only people in USA who are not immigrants are Native American Indians. Much of Mexico was where the United States are today. Hundreds of years ago the border was redrawn when USA took over more land from Mexico to the South. This is why many Mexican Americans are native to USA.

    Elected Officials were getting close to subpoenaing Donald Trump to testify about his actions surrounding dead pedophile Jeffrey Epstein when Donald Trump commanded the US Military to attack Iran.

    What Donald Trump has done is outrageous. Donald Trump is a boy in an adult body. He said it himself when talking about taking over Cuba to news reporters. He said when I’m a young boy referring to the many years of troubles USA has had with Cuba.

    I fear the WAR us is in with Iran might last longer than a week or two or three or four or five. The US Government are in disagreement about going to war with Iran and have no clear timeline for and end.

    I don’t believe that Trump cares for the Iranian people. I think Trump want’s cheap oil. Trump appears to have no plan or inclination to help Iran rebuild their regime.

    I pray for peace on Earth.

  • Peering through social media

    I’m witnessing safe here at home in USA on my phone, messages videos, and news reports of destruction and violence in Mexico. It’s sad to see the chaos that is unfolding in Mexico. A crime boss was killed by the Mexican Military, and the chaos is in response to the death of their crime boss.

    Now is not a good time to travel to Mexico. It’s not safe in Mexico even for Mexican citizens. Criminals in Mexico are burning property and causing chaos to intimidate Mexicans and everyone in Mexico who are not involved in crime.

    Now that the crime boss is dead, I’m guessing that the criminals are experiencing an identity crisis. The criminals have no leader. Without a leader they’ve lost control. The most profitable criminal activity in Mexico is probably the trafficking of cocaine to United States.

    It’s sad to watch the destruction and violence even safe from a distance. I’m glad I don’t use illegal drugs anymore. I’m glad I’m no longer an addict. I’m glad I no longer associate with criminals. I’m glad I know no criminals in the community I live in.

    I’ve been sober for almost 13 years. I moved halfway across the US to a different State and community away from the criminal activity and criminals I associated with when I was an addict.

    It’s good to be here. Safe and sound.

    In the long run, possibly many years from now cocaine will become legal to consume in United States. If that happened, it could be controlled and taxed similar to how marijuana became legal in many States in United States. The quality would be controlled, and it would be less dangerous. Age limits would be required to purchase cocaine, and less youth would become addicted to it.

    Deaths and violence from the transportation and use of cocaine would decrease. These are positive things that would happen with legalization of cocaine in US.

    In Mexico south all the way to South America the legalization of cocaine in the US would have a ripple effect south of the US border. Crime south of the US border would decrease. Violence and killings south of the US border would decrease.

    I am not sympathetic to criminals, and I am not sympathetic to the crimes they commit. Illegal drugs are illegal for good reasons. Addiction causes many problems to the user and to everyone transporting and selling the drug all the way from where the drug was grown and manufactured.

    Legalizing cocaine won’t stop people from becoming addicts. Legalizing cocaine would not stop people from overdosing and dyeing from consuming it. Legalizing cocaine would reduce overdoses and deaths from consuming cocaine.

    I am for reducing overdoses and reducing deaths due to the consumption of cocaine. I am for the Government to control cocaine. I believe that the best way for the Government to control cocaine is by changing the laws around cocaine.

    If it was legal for adults to possess a small amount of cocaine in the US for recreational purposes on private property, the trafficking of cocaine would have to be controlled and legalized. There would have to be a retail store where the quality of the drug was controlled and only sold in small quantities to adults. The retail store could only be licensed to operate by the Government in a commercial property zone not near any school.

    I knew from being an addict to cocaine for many years that intimidation and paranoia were reasons why I would continue to seek out a drug dealer. Being addicted to cocaine ruined my physical and mental health. Over years I spent many thousands of dollars buying cocaine I consumed. I was often paranoid. I  risked my health and safety and the health and safety of others every time I bought and used cocaine.

    There was no safe place to buy cocaine. The drug dealer was often intimidating and threatening. There was no guarantee that the cocaine I bought wasn’t mixed with a dangerous toxin making it more dangerous and more detrimental to my health. I risked my freedom every time I bought cocaine.

    Every time a person buys an illegal drug they are actively involved in crime. Every time a person possesses an illegal drug they are actively involved in crime.

    Crime is not the answer. Being around illegal activity is bad news. It’s important that illegal substances are controlled by the Government and there are better ways.

  • Pain

    I don’t often feel pain. I’m healthy and strong. I rarely have a headache. Many years ago I fractured my wrists in a bicycle accident. That was painful. A long time ago I skateboarded, this was before I got my first car. I skateboarded a lot and from time to time fell onto the hard cement or road. That was painful.

    I am accurate to say the greatest pains in my life are more about mental anguish, confusion and uncertainty. They are a different kind of pain. Unlike falling onto a hard surface that is physically painful, mental anguish is not painful.

    I’ve experienced severe mental anguish when I was homeless. Not knowing where I was going to sleep day after day after day was mental anguish. Not knowing how I was going to feed myself for years homeless was mental anguish. Not having clean clothes to wear and not being able to bathe often was mental anguish.

    I never got used to it. I knew I would overcome and get back into housing. I knew to not give up. I didn’t give up and through a series of extraordinary events I was given a chance to get back into housing and took it.

    I had a lot of rehabilitation to do. After living outside for six years, I needed a lot of mental health rehabilitation. I started taking medication for my mental health I take to this day. I’ve been housed for the last five years and eight months.

    It’s 1:15 AM. While I slept last night I had a feeling of pain in my sleep. It wasn’t physical pain. It was mental anguish. Part of my dream was of when I was a teenager living in my fathers home. It was a very stressful time.

    My environment growing up wasn’t healthy in many ways. In Elementary school I took special education classes. I never did excel to the top of my class in academics. I managed to get decent grades when I tried very hard to understand the topic being taught. After one year of College I did not re enroll. I wasn’t ready to choose a major field of study and did not have enough of a reason to continue studying for a higher education.

    My father paid for my college enrollment and books and for the classes I took. When I stopped going to college my father took back the car he had given to me.

    I went back to work full time and other than when I was homeless have worked since.

  • Increased heart rate

    I worked today. At 9am I met my co-workers at Avis Car Rental where we rode in a shuttle to the Medford Airport. At the Airport we went to the Avis car rental desk inside the terminal where I showed the woman at the desk my drivers license and signed paperwork.

    The woman at Avis said we needed to write down the mileage on the car when we arrive at our destination ( Eugene Airport) and tell it to the people at the Avis car rental desk in the Eugene Airport. It was that simple. Before I left Medford Airport I exchanged phone numbers with one of my co-workers in case there was any delay on the road trip to Eugene Airport.

    I drove a KIA Q4 from the Medford Airport to the Eugene Airport. It took me about 3.5 hours to drive there. There was light rain coming down along highway 5. Clouds filled the sky making the weather overcast.

    I drove between 65-80 mph the whole way to the Airport. The speed limit was 65 mph and I drove at the speed of traffic. The KIA Q4 I drove was a newer model. I’d checked the tread and air pressure of the tires and turn signals before leaving the Medford Airport. The car accelerated fast and the breaks worked very well. It handled a little stiff. I’m used to driving my 2011 Kia Sedona minivan. It’s a different experience than driving the small KIA Q4 sedan close to the ground.

    I felt confident behind the wheal and the highway was clear most of the route. About half way to Eugene Airport a police car pulled up behind me and followed me a ways. The police car turned on it’s lights signaling me to pull over. I was driving the speed limit when the cop pulled me over and was a little surprised because I didn’t understand why I got pulled over. The officer parked behind me and walked over to the passenger side of the car I was parked in. I rolled down the window with the touch of a button as the officer walked up to the car.

    I said, “hello Officer”. He said “do you know why I pulled you over?” I said “no”. He said so you’re aware you are being recorded indicating to his body camera. He said your registration is expired. I said. I work for People Ready and am driving this Avis rental car from Medford Airport to Eugene Airport. The Officer asked me if I had any paperwork. The Officer asked me if I had a drivers license. I had the paperwork I signed at the Avis desk at the Airport on the passenger seat. I told the Officer I had paperwork from Avis and handed the pages and my driver’s license to him.

    The officer asked me if I was driving the rental car because they needed more cars at the Eugene Airport. I said that’s my guess. The Officer brought my driver’s license and the pages back to his patrol car. 5 minutes later the Officer walked back to the rental car I was parked in and returned my driver’s license and the papers to me. He said he called Avis and told them the registration is expired. I said thank you. Good to know. And that was it. The officer walked back to his patrol car and I signaled that I was getting ready to enter traffic and drove away.

    I was relieved that the incident lasted less than 10 minutes and that I was back on the highway driving to the Eugene Airport. The moments from when the cop pulled behind me and flashed his lights for me to pull over up until the moments when the officer walked up to the parked car I was in had my heart beating rapidly.

    I knew I didn’t do anything wrong and that’s why I was surprised that he pulled me over. To me, being approached by a police officer is a high adrenalin experience because of the numerous times in the past when I interacted with police and was in trouble.

    My heart rate was fast but I was in control. I think the Officer could have noticed that I was nervous if he suspected me of anything. I felt like my hand was shaking when I handed him the papers. As I spoke it became clear that I had nothing to hide and the officer looked relieved.

    I’ve had many experiences interacting with police officers in the past and a number of them were where I was in trouble with the law. Gradually my heartbeat slowed to normal.

    I was glad to be driving again on the highway in route to the Eugene Airport. The rest of my shift at work there were no surprises. After dropping off the rental car at the Eugene Airport and giving the key to the woman at the Avis desk we all met up and rode in a van to Medford to the Avis car rental lot where I parked my minivan.

    Back at home my pet dog Sage greeted me as usual and after I cleaned up the poop she left on the floor I took Sage for a walk to a store in my neighborhood where I bought a 6 pack of beer.

    It was an early evening to bed for me.

  • A wet noodle

    Mike Johnson’s reaction to taking responsibility for being the political party to investigate and prosecute co-conspirators to Epstein’s acts of pedophilia is that of a wet noodle.

    Mike Johnson first blames Democrats for not doing anything to prosecute criminals for four years under Biden then his attitude changes from blaming Democrats to the attitude of a wet noodle as if there is nothing to do. No back bone. No Spine.

    Mike Johnson basically said look at this mess the Democrats left us with while making zero initiative to investigate and prosecute the criminals now that the bipartisan effort forced the DOJ to release the Epstein files.

    Mike Johnson acts like a puppet for Donald Trump echoing every opinion Trump shares in the media.

    Trump says the Epstein files are a Democratic led hoax and Mike Johnson backs Trump by saying it’s all Democrats fault.

    Mike Johnson doesn’t want to get fired and agrees at work with everything Trump said to the media. Speaker of the house Mike Johnson has shown he’ll bend over backwards to please Trump.

    The same goes with Karoline Leavitt. Karoline Leavitt doesn’t speak her own thoughts and her own opinions at work, she regurgitates at a podium Donald Trumps most recent expressions to the media.

    I don’t blame the speaker of the house and the press secretary for being loyal to their leader. I blame them for only speaking at work their versions of their leaders thoughts and opinions.

    A problem with the Trump Administration is that Trump likes to entertain Americans and when there are serious decisions to be made often his decisions cause a lot of heart ache and troubles for very many Americans not amused with Trumps form of entertainment.

    The only thing more powerful than hate is love.

    Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1963 book Strength to Love

    “Bad Bunny” Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio 2026 Super Bowl Halftime performance message

  • Privacy

    Privacy is not guaranteed 100% when it comes to my phone. I don’t know about you but I bought my cellphone standard. It came with photo and video recording on both sides. When I’m not using my phone I set it on a flat surface. How do I know that it is not recording video or photographs while I’m not using it? When it’s idle.

    I bought a shutter cover from TikTok. It came in a pack of 20 and cost less than $10 with shipping.

    I feel relieved to know when I manually close the shutter on my phone it won’t record video and photographs. It’s not a button, it didn’t come with my phone. It’s not part of the software.

    A digital button on a screen may have more meanings than the one word title on the button. When my phone is idle, when I’m not using my phone I know it won’t record the environment it is in because, since the shutter arrived in the mail I’ve installed it on my phone lens and keep it closed.

    In recent news an elderly woman was abducted from her home. The perpetrator is being sought after by law enforcement. I hope she is found soon alive and well and returned to her family. And I hope the perp is caught and is put in prison.

    Evidence from her video camera at the entrance of her home recorded a masked person approach her residence.

    How the evidence was brought to light is a current controversy. It was reported in the news that her subscription to the video had limits. When the F.B.I. reviewed the video on the door camera they found the video record of a person wearing a mask approach the entrance to her home.

    If I had a video recorder installed at the entrance to my home I’d want to record the entrance at all times. Apparently that service costs more.

    I feel safe in my neighborhood. I don’t have a video recorder installed at the entrance to my home. It’s not about money for me.

    Apparently the technology records at all times and the owners subscription might not allow them records of the video depending on the level of their subscription.

    When the technology records at all times and only some of the records are available to a subscriber with a limited subscription it seems like the records that are unavailable to the subscriber should be made available in the case where the elderly woman was abducted from her home.

    What’s recording and what’s not recording is a real issue for many people. The current case in news reports of an elderly woman abducted from her home is an extreme event. Extreme events are reasons why people install cameras outside their homes.

    What is a safe neighborhood is constantly being defined and redefined in real time by neighbors and the daily events that take place in a neighborhood.

    My neighborhood feels safe to me. I know many of my neighbors in my apartment complex by name. I speak to them throughout the week. I look out for my neighbors and I like to think that they look out for me.

    The shutter I manually installed on the lens of my phone helps me feel confident that a hacker is not watching me through my phone. It feels more secure to manually slide the shutter over the lens closing it, instead of relying on the title of a digital button that reads “record” when I haven’t pressed it.

  • Love

    Love is worth it. It’s worth opening your heart to someone else. Love was worth traveling thousands of miles away to meet a woman in person I first met online. Love shows itself mysteriously. Loving people are the most important living beings to love. I love me.

    I love my pet dog Sage. Sage is a dog friend. My dog is always home when I come home. My dog escaped several times and I was able to find her before long.

    I hope to move into a new to me house or apartment where there is a fenced in yard for me to let Sage outside during the day unleashed.

    This is love, letting my dog outside is a way I show Sage love. Sage loves to go outside on walks with me. Sage would love to live where she could be outside all day on warm days. The apartment I live in has no fence. Therefor to keep Sage my domesticated pet dog safe and healthy I keep her inside mostly.

    Sage broke this fence I put up around my front door. The fence lasted for several weeks.

    I take Sage outside several times a day. I took Sage on a walk on a nearby mountain several days ago. Sage loves going outside in nature.

    Ultimately here in my current home Sage is an indoor pet dog. That’s how it is. When I leave for work for 8 hours Sage pees and poops on the carpet. That is normal. I clean the carpet when I get home and take Sage outside. That’s the life of my indoor pet dog.

    Sage is a living breathing animal that cares about her environment and me when I’m home. Sage can tell when I’m happy and Sage can tell if I’m not feeling well or am anxious. Sage is my dog friend. Sage likes being petted and likes to eat and likes going on walks. I feed Sage twice a day and keep her bowl filled with clean clear water.

    Sage brings happiness to my life. Sage is almost 9.5 years old. Sage is an old dog. Sage doesn’t run very fast. Sage sometimes has a limp. Sage is overweight.

    Technically Sage is my pet therapy dog. I think regulating my blood pressure is helped when I pet sage. I talk to my pet dog Sage. I live with Sage. It’s the two of us at home. I am the man. Sage is the dog.

    Sage is the first pet I own in around 30 years.

  • I gave up

    Late at night safe and sound alone in my bed in my room in my apartment I rent. The words “I give up” entered my thoughts. I am very fortunate that I am strong and healthy and live in a good home in a safe neighborhood in a thriving community.

    I got up and drank some apple juice from my fridge. I slept ok. Then later last night my pet dog woke me up and I brought her outside to piss. I went back to bed and slept better. I woke up early this morning around 6am.

    I have so much to be grateful and thankful for. I have a job. I have a car. I receive SSDI and my income from SSDI and my part time job enable me to pay my bills and save some money.

    My home is clean and warm and my kitchen is filled with fresh nutritious foods. The plumbing works well. The water is clean and clear and heats up hot with the press of the sink handle. My heater keeps my entire apartment warm when it’s cold outside and cool during hot summer days. The roof and walls are solid and no leaks enter my home.

    My windows open bringing in fresh air from outside. The electricity is powerful and stable and connected in every area of my home. The internet connection is solid and stable and fast. I have all the material things I need in my home where I live comfortably.

    When I need to go shopping in town I do just that and typically drive to the stores I shop in. My home is built on a solid foundation on solid ground hundreds of miles inland in Southern Oregon’s Rogue Valley in Medford.

    I keep the three plants in my home watered regularly and in good health. I meet with a therapist regularly who supports me and my goals and my wishes and ambition. I can afford my medication that keeps my mental health strong.

    My family live thousands of miles away and they are all well and safe, housed and fed, employed and retired and living in peace.

    I vote to elect the persons who I feel best represent myself and Americans. I am free to travel and move into a better home in my community or another community that I choose.

    I can earn as much money as possible and get off SSDI. I am single and becoming available. I will meet a woman and become in love with her and she will love me in return.

    I can exercise every day and lose 70 pounds. English is my first language and I have a good command of it.

    45 days ago I started a project to feed as many homeless and food insecure people as possible at the website nourishlink.org I created by helping donors connect with specified and verified food relief charities working on the ground feeding homeless and food insecure people.

    I am free to make plans with people who interest me and I care about.

    Last night was the first time I remember telling myself “I give up” Today is January 31st 2026. The time is 9:43am Pacific. It was ok to “give up” and it is good to be strong and safe and secure here at my desk, the Nourish Link Organization office in my room in my apartment.

    My apartment is affordable and I will move into a better apartment this year and maybe pay a bit more where there will be no rule stopping me from inviting guests overnight without permission from the property management company.

    I am 47 and will be 48 in February. I have so many good things to accomplish in this life of mine. I am a good man. I am a good neighbor. I am a valued resident of my community.

    I am no longer homeless. I no longer have a warrant out for me. I am a law abiding citizen of United States and resident of Medford Oregon. I have a safe, secure and clean environment I live in. When I am ready I can move to a safe and secure apartment or house in a safe neighborhood that serves me better.

    I am not bound by my lease on my apartment. When I’ve found a new to me apartment or house to move into I will give notice to the apartment manager of this property. I can move into a new to me place and make it my home in 30 days.

  • Tea and Coffee

    I’m feeling thankful. I enjoy buying a cup of tea or coffee to sit with in a cafe and sip. Sipping a hot cup of coffee or an iced coffee on a cold day brings comfort to me. Enjoying this experience in a cafe I value very much. I live with my pet dog and three plants in an apartment I lease. Leaving home and going to a nearby cafe is something I find pleasure in.

    There are social bonds made over a cup of tea. Whether I go alone or with a friend greeting a barista is one piece of the bond. A simple, hello how are you, thank you makes me feel more human than putting coins into a vending machine for a beverage. Cafe’s are often busy environments where people come and go with their cups of coffee and to sit at a table in a cafe or outside on a patio.

    I was homeless twice. Once at age 30 for one year and then again at age 35 for 6 years. When I could afford to buy a cup of coffee or tea I would often go to a cafe and sit at a table enjoying every drop. Often I was dirty and my clothes were dirty but as long as I had several dollars to spend I was able to buy a selection of the beverages they made and sit in comfort at a table for an hour.

    It was great to be inside where the temperature was warm and the environment was clean. It was great to sit on a chair at a table in relative peace as the world and people in it continued with the day.

    Homeless people often have a difficult time being welcome in clean warm environments. A few dollars to spend on a cup of tea might be why a homeless person is at a table in a cafe. That’s not always the case. Many homeless people struggle with mental health weaknesses. I’ve struggled with mental health weaknesses for almost 21 years. When I was homeless I rarely took medication to support my mental health and had a difficult time relating to many people.

    Not taking medication for my mental health was one major factor why I was homeless. I was making bad decisions that effected my health and my safety and well being and not taking medication for my mental health made it worse.

    I closed my business and no longer had any income and soon ran out of savings and could no longer pay the lease for the house where I was living. Soon I had to leave the house and became homeless. I could not afford to pay for the lease on my car and had to return it to the bank who had given me the loan. Soon I could no longer afford to keep everything I owned in storage and lost all my possession’s.

    I had the clothes I wore and a backpack filled with things I needed to help me live outside.

    I am very lucky that through intervention I got on a safe and supportive path and back into housing. I’ve had a home for the last 4.5 years. I am a lucky man. There are many people, men and women I have to thank who helped me get on a safe path and back into housing.

    I went back to work 4 years ago. It feels great to work and earn money. I am able to save some money and pay my bills. I cherish my home. My home is in a safe neighborhood in a thriving community. I keep my home clean and bright. It’s great to have a “place” my home to stay safe and secure in. Protected away from harsh weather and dangerous persons.

    Being in good company with cups of tea in a cafe is a blessing of living in society.