Interest or not

Category: A story to tell

  • A wet noodle

    Mike Johnson’s reaction to taking responsibility for being the political party to investigate and prosecute co-conspirators to Epstein’s acts of pedophilia is that of a wet noodle.

    Mike Johnson first blames Democrats for not doing anything to prosecute criminals for four years under Biden then his attitude changes from blaming Democrats to the attitude of a wet noodle as if there is nothing to do. No back bone. No Spine.

    Mike Johnson basically said look at this mess the Democrats left us with while making zero initiative to investigate and prosecute the criminals now that the bipartisan effort forced the DOJ to release the Epstein files.

    Mike Johnson acts like a puppet for Donald Trump echoing every opinion Trump shares in the media.

    Trump says the Epstein files are a Democratic led hoax and Mike Johnson backs Trump by saying it’s all Democrats fault.

    Mike Johnson doesn’t want to get fired and agrees at work with everything Trump said to the media. Speaker of the house Mike Johnson has shown he’ll bend over backwards to please Trump.

    The same goes with Karoline Leavitt. Karoline Leavitt doesn’t speak her own thoughts and her own opinions at work, she regurgitates at a podium Donald Trumps most recent expressions to the media.

    I don’t blame the speaker of the house and the press secretary for being loyal to their leader. I blame them for only speaking at work their versions of their leaders thoughts and opinions.

    A problem with the Trump Administration is that Trump likes to entertain Americans and when there are serious decisions to be made often his decisions cause a lot of heart ache and troubles for very many Americans not amused with Trumps form of entertainment.

    The only thing more powerful than hate is love.

    Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1963 book Strength to Love

    “Bad Bunny” Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio 2026 Super Bowl Halftime performance message

  • Privacy

    Privacy is not guaranteed 100% when it comes to my phone. I don’t know about you but I bought my cellphone standard. It came with photo and video recording on both sides. When I’m not using my phone I set it on a flat surface. How do I know that it is not recording video or photographs while I’m not using it? When it’s idle.

    I bought a shutter cover from TikTok. It came in a pack of 20 and cost less than $10 with shipping.

    I feel relieved to know when I manually close the shutter on my phone it won’t record video and photographs. It’s not a button, it didn’t come with my phone. It’s not part of the software.

    A digital button on a screen may have more meanings than the one word title on the button. When my phone is idle, when I’m not using my phone I know it won’t record the environment it is in because, since the shutter arrived in the mail I’ve installed it on my phone lens and keep it closed.

    In recent news an elderly woman was abducted from her home. The perpetrator is being sought after by law enforcement. I hope she is found soon alive and well and returned to her family. And I hope the perp is caught and is put in prison.

    Evidence from her video camera at the entrance of her home recorded a masked person approach her residence.

    How the evidence was brought to light is a current controversy. It was reported in the news that her subscription to the video had limits. When the F.B.I. reviewed the video on the door camera they found the video record of a person wearing a mask approach the entrance to her home.

    If I had a video recorder installed at the entrance to my home I’d want to record the entrance at all times. Apparently that service costs more.

    I feel safe in my neighborhood. I don’t have a video recorder installed at the entrance to my home. It’s not about money for me.

    Apparently the technology records at all times and the owners subscription might not allow them records of the video depending on the level of their subscription.

    When the technology records at all times and only some of the records are available to a subscriber with a limited subscription it seems like the records that are unavailable to the subscriber should be made available in the case where the elderly woman was abducted from her home.

    What’s recording and what’s not recording is a real issue for many people. The current case in news reports of an elderly woman abducted from her home is an extreme event. Extreme events are reasons why people install cameras outside their homes.

    What is a safe neighborhood is constantly being defined and redefined in real time by neighbors and the daily events that take place in a neighborhood.

    My neighborhood feels safe to me. I know many of my neighbors in my apartment complex by name. I speak to them throughout the week. I look out for my neighbors and I like to think that they look out for me.

    The shutter I manually installed on the lens of my phone helps me feel confident that a hacker is not watching me through my phone. It feels more secure to manually slide the shutter over the lens closing it, instead of relying on the title of a digital button that reads “record” when I haven’t pressed it.

  • Love

    Love is worth it. It’s worth opening your heart to someone else. Love was worth traveling thousands of miles away to meet a woman in person I first met online. Love shows itself mysteriously. Loving people are the most important living beings to love. I love me.

    I love my pet dog Sage. Sage is a dog friend. My dog is always home when I come home. My dog escaped several times and I was able to find her before long.

    I hope to move into a new to me house or apartment where there is a fenced in yard for me to let Sage outside during the day unleashed.

    This is love, letting my dog outside is a way I show Sage love. Sage loves to go outside on walks with me. Sage would love to live where she could be outside all day on warm days. The apartment I live in has no fence. Therefor to keep Sage my domesticated pet dog safe and healthy I keep her inside mostly.

    Sage broke this fence I put up around my front door. The fence lasted for several weeks.

    I take Sage outside several times a day. I took Sage on a walk on a nearby mountain several days ago. Sage loves going outside in nature.

    Ultimately here in my current home Sage is an indoor pet dog. That’s how it is. When I leave for work for 8 hours Sage pees and poops on the carpet. That is normal. I clean the carpet when I get home and take Sage outside. That’s the life of my indoor pet dog.

    Sage is a living breathing animal that cares about her environment and me when I’m home. Sage can tell when I’m happy and Sage can tell if I’m not feeling well or am anxious. Sage is my dog friend. Sage likes being petted and likes to eat and likes going on walks. I feed Sage twice a day and keep her bowl filled with clean clear water.

    Sage brings happiness to my life. Sage is almost 9.5 years old. Sage is an old dog. Sage doesn’t run very fast. Sage sometimes has a limp. Sage is overweight.

    Technically Sage is my pet therapy dog. I think regulating my blood pressure is helped when I pet sage. I talk to my pet dog Sage. I live with Sage. It’s the two of us at home. I am the man. Sage is the dog.

    Sage is the first pet I own in around 30 years.

  • I gave up

    Late at night safe and sound alone in my bed in my room in my apartment I rent. The words “I give up” entered my thoughts. I am very fortunate that I am strong and healthy and live in a good home in a safe neighborhood in a thriving community.

    I got up and drank some apple juice from my fridge. I slept ok. Then later last night my pet dog woke me up and I brought her outside to piss. I went back to bed and slept better. I woke up early this morning around 6am.

    I have so much to be grateful and thankful for. I have a job. I have a car. I receive SSDI and my income from SSDI and my part time job enable me to pay my bills and save some money.

    My home is clean and warm and my kitchen is filled with fresh nutritious foods. The plumbing works well. The water is clean and clear and heats up hot with the press of the sink handle. My heater keeps my entire apartment warm when it’s cold outside and cool during hot summer days. The roof and walls are solid and no leaks enter my home.

    My windows open bringing in fresh air from outside. The electricity is powerful and stable and connected in every area of my home. The internet connection is solid and stable and fast. I have all the material things I need in my home where I live comfortably.

    When I need to go shopping in town I do just that and typically drive to the stores I shop in. My home is built on a solid foundation on solid ground hundreds of miles inland in Southern Oregon’s Rogue Valley in Medford.

    I keep the three plants in my home watered regularly and in good health. I meet with a therapist regularly who supports me and my goals and my wishes and ambition. I can afford my medication that keeps my mental health strong.

    My family live thousands of miles away and they are all well and safe, housed and fed, employed and retired and living in peace.

    I vote to elect the persons who I feel best represent myself and Americans. I am free to travel and move into a better home in my community or another community that I choose.

    I can earn as much money as possible and get off SSDI. I am single and becoming available. I will meet a woman and become in love with her and she will love me in return.

    I can exercise every day and lose 70 pounds. English is my first language and I have a good command of it.

    45 days ago I started a project to feed as many homeless and food insecure people as possible at the website nourishlink.org I created by helping donors connect with specified and verified food relief charities working on the ground feeding homeless and food insecure people.

    I am free to make plans with people who interest me and I care about.

    Last night was the first time I remember telling myself “I give up” Today is January 31st 2026. The time is 9:43am Pacific. It was ok to “give up” and it is good to be strong and safe and secure here at my desk, the Nourish Link Organization office in my room in my apartment.

    My apartment is affordable and I will move into a better apartment this year and maybe pay a bit more where there will be no rule stopping me from inviting guests overnight without permission from the property management company.

    I am 47 and will be 48 in February. I have so many good things to accomplish in this life of mine. I am a good man. I am a good neighbor. I am a valued resident of my community.

    I am no longer homeless. I no longer have a warrant out for me. I am a law abiding citizen of United States and resident of Medford Oregon. I have a safe, secure and clean environment I live in. When I am ready I can move to a safe and secure apartment or house in a safe neighborhood that serves me better.

    I am not bound by my lease on my apartment. When I’ve found a new to me apartment or house to move into I will give notice to the apartment manager of this property. I can move into a new to me place and make it my home in 30 days.

  • Tea and Coffee

    I’m feeling thankful. I enjoy buying a cup of tea or coffee to sit with in a cafe and sip. Sipping a hot cup of coffee or an iced coffee on a cold day brings comfort to me. Enjoying this experience in a cafe I value very much. I live with my pet dog and three plants in an apartment I lease. Leaving home and going to a nearby cafe is something I find pleasure in.

    There are social bonds made over a cup of tea. Whether I go alone or with a friend greeting a barista is one piece of the bond. A simple, hello how are you, thank you makes me feel more human than putting coins into a vending machine for a beverage. Cafe’s are often busy environments where people come and go with their cups of coffee and to sit at a table in a cafe or outside on a patio.

    I was homeless twice. Once at age 30 for one year and then again at age 35 for 6 years. When I could afford to buy a cup of coffee or tea I would often go to a cafe and sit at a table enjoying every drop. Often I was dirty and my clothes were dirty but as long as I had several dollars to spend I was able to buy a selection of the beverages they made and sit in comfort at a table for an hour.

    It was great to be inside where the temperature was warm and the environment was clean. It was great to sit on a chair at a table in relative peace as the world and people in it continued with the day.

    Homeless people often have a difficult time being welcome in clean warm environments. A few dollars to spend on a cup of tea might be why a homeless person is at a table in a cafe. That’s not always the case. Many homeless people struggle with mental health weaknesses. I’ve struggled with mental health weaknesses for almost 21 years. When I was homeless I rarely took medication to support my mental health and had a difficult time relating to many people.

    Not taking medication for my mental health was one major factor why I was homeless. I was making bad decisions that effected my health and my safety and well being and not taking medication for my mental health made it worse.

    I closed my business and no longer had any income and soon ran out of savings and could no longer pay the lease for the house where I was living. Soon I had to leave the house and became homeless. I could not afford to pay for the lease on my car and had to return it to the bank who had given me the loan. Soon I could no longer afford to keep everything I owned in storage and lost all my possession’s.

    I had the clothes I wore and a backpack filled with things I needed to help me live outside.

    I am very lucky that through intervention I got on a safe and supportive path and back into housing. I’ve had a home for the last 4.5 years. I am a lucky man. There are many people, men and women I have to thank who helped me get on a safe path and back into housing.

    I went back to work 4 years ago. It feels great to work and earn money. I am able to save some money and pay my bills. I cherish my home. My home is in a safe neighborhood in a thriving community. I keep my home clean and bright. It’s great to have a “place” my home to stay safe and secure in. Protected away from harsh weather and dangerous persons.

    Being in good company with cups of tea in a cafe is a blessing of living in society.

  • America

    I want it all to go away. The hate, the fascism, the lies, the warrantless detaining of Americans, the disappearing of my fellow Americans, the corruption, the intimidation, Trump and his team of goons, all of it, gone. That’s what I want. I want Trump to be held accountable and locked in prison for many years for his many, many crimes against Americans and for being complicit in wars against humanity.

     I don’t want to wait three years for this to happen. I want Trump removed from office now. ICE has caused so much heartache, deaths and separation of honest hardworking families in our country. ICE needs to be toned down by 80%. I want the mass murders and killings to stop. Immigrants make America great.

    I am considered a blue dot, a Democrat in a Republican county with more red dots, more republicans. It makes me sick to see all the hatred Americans have for their fellow Americans. It makes me sick to see the hatred and killings in the news every time I turn on the television.

    The United States are led by an authoritarian fascist tyrannical Government. It’s disgusting. ICE are a bunch of racist thugs who hide their faces from their victims. This is not the America I grew up in. This is not the America I’ve lived in for 48 years.

    This new form of Government is pitting people against each other, causing chaos and unrest. It’s very sad to watch videos of Americans scared for themselves, their families and their children, scared of the Government. It’s sad to witness all the destruction and erosion of trust that has come from Trump in power. I wish I could do something to help people who are being targeted by the Government.

     I wish I could tell them they are safe and can resume going about their lives normally again. It’s traumatic what the Government are doing to it’s own people. All Trump does is lie, he’s an actor and a bad one at that. He says people are being paid to protest and that is a lie.

    The murder of Renee Good by ICE agent Jon Ross feels like a tipping point. America, United States is deeply wounded. The bloodshed needs to stop. The violence and bigotry and racism needs to stop.

     Peacefull protestors have been detained and arrested, tear gassed and shot with rubber bullets. These are difficult times. America is not respected around the world like we have been in the past. America is feared and laughed at and people of safer more law-abiding countries look at us and are sad to see this country in such disarray.

    Trump is making United States an enemy on the world stage. An enemy of countries around the globe. Trump is a crooked old man a racist and a bigot and a danger to Americans everywhere.

    Remember to vote. By voting we’ll impeach Trump. By voting we’ll elect a good leader into office with a new Administration. A respectful leader who looks out for Americans and welcomes immigrants to this country. A leader who will work for all of us. An honorable leader.

    Today is January 15th 2026 and most of the year is ahead of us. It’s not going to be easy. There will be many difficulties ahead of us. Americans need to come together and work together and get Trump out of office. Trump must be held accountable. 

    In November are the mid-term elections and our chance to regain control of the house of representatives and regain control of the Senate and regain control of Congress.

    There is a lot of hard work a head of us. Hard work is good work. Hard work is honest work. Together we can unite this nation and pull it out of the rubble and ash the current Administration is responsible for and rise up strong and bright and lead with freedom for the people.

    We can lead with respect and with dignity. We can lead with generosity and care. We can overcome and take back our country from the evil grip holding onto it. We will overcome.

    We will lead with intelligence and restraint and respect for people’s differences. We will lead by respecting women’s rights and respecting women’s rights to make their own health care decisions and their own decisions about reproduction.

    We will encourage people to vote and to get an education. We will encourage people to better themselves and look out for people in their community. We will make health care affordable.

    We will extract our military from foreign countries where we are not needed. We will stop funding foreign wars. We will protect our citizens. We will accept that climate change is real and work with industry to reduce pollution in America and everywhere around the world where we are responsible for it.

    We will remove corrupt politicians from power and lock them in prison. America and United States will become a better place to live and raise a family. A better country to invest in and a better country to migrate to.

     We will reduce gun violence and make it a crime for private citizens to own weapons designed for the military. We will make background checks on the purchase of guns and rifles stronger and universal in United States. We will encourage diversity in the workplace and in our communities.

    We will make it easier for every day Americans to compete in business and make it easier to start and run a business. We will make the wealthiest Americans pay more taxes. We will learn to respect and encourage our GLBTQ members of our communities. We will learn to respect Trans men and women and make life easier for them.

     We will honor our past and write clear honest records of our history. We will respect native Americans and ensure that they have equal opportunities to live the American dream. We will take care of homeless people and create more opportunities for homeless people to move into housing. We will fight crime and fight addiction.

    We will make it easier for people with mental health problems to get treatment and support. We will lower the cost of prescription drugs. Just like the Trump Administration has transformed the US economy, the look and feel of what it is to be American, Democrats will transform the US economy making it a better safer place to live and making it feel better and look better and more enjoyable to live.

  • Louder than words

    I’ve been sober for almost 12 years. Sobriety is a blessing I am thankful for everyday. Before getting sober I was addicted to cocaine and methamphetamine. I was severely addicted for years and spent many thousands of dollars on my addiction. My addiction to illegal drugs reduced my health significantly. I made bad decisions over and over again. I put myself in danger every time I met a drug dealer and I put my loved ones at risk because of the bad decisions I was making. One of the bad decisions I made during that time was to stop taking my medication for my mental health. My mental health spiraled out of control. I closed my business and with no income my savings were soon gone. I could not afford to renew my lease on my home and was soon homeless.

    That was 10 years ago. While I was homeless for six years I rarely had money and when I did have money it was usually no more than $20. I stayed sober while I was homeless which helped me survive. Still I was not taking medication for my mental health and stubbornly apposed taking medication despite my parents and sisters urging me to take medication. I got back into housing 4.5 years ago because the police intervened. I was placed in a psychiatric hospital where I began my recovery. I’ve been taking my medication every day since the intervention when I started to recover.

    These days I lease an apartment. I went back to work part time. I have a pet dog. I have a car. I am disabled and can work part time and keep SSDI. I hope to go back to work full time and get off SSDI. My mental health condition is considered a life long condition that is expected to deteriorate over time. I’ll need to take higher doses of my medication to manage myself at some point. Taking a higher dose of medication is well worth living independently.

    Cocaine and Methamphetamine are dangerous drugs, highly addictive, illegal and are responsible for many deaths every year. People lose their lives when they are addicted to drugs. People become incarcerated when they are using drugs. People are exposed to violence and gangs and cartels and low lives who are a danger to themselves and others when they do drugs.

    I’m inspired to write about my struggles using illegal drugs after watching a news report on television about the capture of Nicolas Maduro. There will always be people who say that he is a good man and there will always be people who say that he was the leader of not only Venezuela but also a cartel responsible for many violent deaths and the trafficking and distribution of cocaine.

    Cocaine comes from Peru and Columbia. Venezuela is in route between those countries and USA. Venezuela is also a very large source of oil. Weather the capture of Nicolas Madura and inevitable regime change in Venezuela is about stopping cocaine from getting to USA or improving business conditions for oil to be shipped to USA or both I’m not going to argue about any of those.

    I hope the regime change in Venezuela brings peace and stability to the Venezuelan people and that a democratically elected leader comes into power in the foreign country. I hope no one loses their life in the regime change and US Military are not brought in further to run Venezuela.

    People use cocaine and it’s bad news. People will continue to use cocaine and their demand for the supply of cocaine from Peru and Columbia will continue to spread bad news and bad outcomes for everyone involved. The problem starts in Peru and Columbia where the plant grows and is processed all the way in the trafficking of it to the person whether they are using it for the first time or are addicted to the drug.

    People joke about illegal drugs, wishing that they were legal. When I was using illegal drugs I joked about the topic of legalizing illegal drugs. It’s not funny. Cocaine and  Methamphetamine are deadly and cause chaos in every corner and every turn.

    I can’t go back in time and turn down illegal drugs. It’s a part of my past and the past doesn’t change. I survived. I quit using illegal drugs. I let go of everyone I knew who used and sold illegal drugs. I moved half way across USA to a community new to me where I know none of those bad influences. They exist. I see people in public struggling with addiction. I see people lying on the ground in public overdosed on fentanyl. The problem remains and I keep a safe distance from it.

    Using illegal drugs is selfish. It’s a selfish act. It puts the user in danger and the act of buying illegal drugs encourages the whole supply chain that is fraught with deception and hiding from the law and hidden agendas.

    The problems surrounding cocaine effect people of all ages and all races and all levels of economic prosperity and economic hardship. If you are struggling with addiction to illegal drugs there is help. People want to help you. Safe people in safe neighborhoods want to help you. People living law abiding lives want to help you. People want to see you overcome your addiction and leave it in the past. People want to see you healthy and happy. People want to see you in control of your life. People want to see you succeed. People want to see you safe and secure and healthy. Quitting illegal drugs is an action. It’s louder than words.

  • Merry Christmas

    This Christmas eve I went to bed alone. I woke up early and my pet dog Sage greeted me. It the two of us and we have the whole apartment to ourselves. Sometimes I miss being around family and friends during Christmas. I imagine young children waking up safe and sound warm and dry, clean and with enough good food to eat. With many gifts from their family and friends waiting for them to open around their decorated Christmas tree. My imagination brings me joy and hope and good will towards humanity.

    I know many men women and children are waking up today cold and wet in soiled clothes and hungry having slept outside. I hope and pray for peace and comfort for them today and in the New Year.

    I am very fortunate to have a safe and warm home with a heater and plumbing and electricity in a safe neighborhood. And I’m fortunate that my kitchen is stalked with fresh nutritious foods.

    I’m grateful that I have work. I am grateful for the many men and women who volunteered and donated money and food and their time to charities I benefited from that helped keep me alive when I was homeless.

    I am grateful to live in USA, the country I am from and grew up in. I am grateful for the many things Americans have in United States like a stable Government, police and firefighters, hospitals and Doctors and Military protecting us.

    I am grateful that USA is a powerful country and I hope American US citizens can use our power to help other countries with less means to care for and protect their people.

    Before I was homeless I worked full time for many years starting at age 15. I paid income taxes on my work accomplished and I’m grateful to be a recipient of Social Security Disability Insurance. I’m grateful I can afford to pay for my medication that helps my mental health. I’m grateful my insurance covers my meetings with a Therapist I elected to meet with regularly. I live very far away, half way across the country from my closest in distance family. I am no longer a young boy and making friends in my local community is not as basic as it was in my home town many years ago.

    I’m grateful for my co-workers I’m getting to know better. I’m grateful for a local organization I’ve volunteered with and for my friends I’ve made volunteering together.

    I’m grateful I have the opportunity to earn as much money as possible and if and when I earn enough money will no longer qualify to receive SSDI. This is my opportunity. I am physically strong and able bodied. My mental health is very important to me and taking medication to reduce negative symptoms of my mental health is working.

    I’m grateful I own a car and do all my shopping and buy groceries and run errands and drive to work and to visit places in town and further away.

    I am grateful for the people I meet almost every day in town when I go to buy a cup of hot coffee in a cafe and when I shop in stores.

    I have so many things to be grateful for. I’m grateful I was able to start over from owning only the clothes I wore on my back to leasing an apartment I’ve filled with my possessions I’ve bought and gathered such as a cluster of sea shells I picked up on a beach.

    I’m grateful my ability to develop websites I kept although on hold through the years homeless I am currently using to give back to the local community. To learn about my new project helping to feed homeless people and people experiencing food insecurity in this region visit the website at https://nourishlink.org

    I hope to build Nourish Link with the help of many people who have skills that I don’t posses and bring insight and strength to the project beyond what I alone have began. I hope Nourish Link helps to feed many thousands of people in need of food support.

    I hope you and your loved ones are safe and warm.

    JAG

  • Thank you

    I received a book delivery today from a person working at Amazon. Title: The Story of My Life by Author Helen Keller. Thank you.

    I don’t know you, not that I know. I don’t know what implored you to give me the book. I believe I might have a secret admirer. In todays age, 2025 with all the rules and regulations and contracts people sign at work there might be a bigger reason why your identity is a secret to me.

    I started reading the book and am enjoying it. Thank you very much. I remember learning about Helen Keller in Elementary school and didn’t know much about her other than she was deaf and blind and learned to read brail and how to write.

    Later in High School my younger sister was cast as the role of Helen Keller in our High School theatrical performance of Hellen Keller. I learned then that Hellen Keller was an inspiration to many people. I don’t remember the performance very well my sister held the lead in. My sister was proud to play the lead in the performance. The story of Helen Keller inspired her. I’m looking forward to reading the book.

    I’m considering the gift as encouragement in the path I am on. Just over one week ago I started a new project. Information about it is at https://nourishlink.org I’ve started many projects and won’t say I’ve completed them all. I’ve learned from my failures. The new project I started feels hopeful. It’s as if it is my baby. I want to coddle it and feed it and care for it and give it attention. That’s the stage it’s in. There’s nothing to expect from Nourish Link at the early pilot beta manifestation that it is.

    I am an opinionated writer. I believe I encourage some of my readers in the words I share and surely put off readers who disagree with me politically. I imagine that you, who gave me the book appreciates my political views. New Books and delivery charges add up and I appreciate every word in it.

    Sometimes I wish that people who read my posts would write a comment and I’ve come to realize for the time being anonymity might have more to do with following rules of employment which is completely understandable, makes sense and is logical.

    Life is a blessing. There’s so much to be grateful for. Thanks again for the book.

    J.A.G.

  • Dream dream dream, dreeeeam

    I have some recurring dreams. By some I mean hundreds of dreams of being at my father’s house. The last one felt so real it hurt. I was a young boy and that’s what hurt. It hurt because I’m a middle age man and the details in my dream were vivid.

    Childhood is more than a game with good friends and caring adults. For the reader who’s grown into their adulthood looking back at their childhood might bring a smile or a tear or a frown to their face. Honestly, the emotion brought back from delving into a childhood memory can be very specific. One memory might be all happy. And brings a smile to their lips when thought about. Honestly, while it is said time goes by in a blink, like childhood is there one moment and gone the next.

    What makes a child an adult? The question seems odd. It takes time to grow. The words “grow up” comes to my mind. I don’t remember being told to grow up. I’m an adult. It took 47 years of growing to get here.

    Childhood is one stage of life. Before childhood is infancy. I believe, I could be wrong and I believe after the infancy stage of life is the toddler stage of life. The word toddler brings to my mind a very young child learning to walk and run. Possibly taking his or her first steps. The words toddling along comes to my mind of a very young child going at their own pace learning to walk.

    In my minds eye, the stage of life from being a child to a young adult is around 5 years old to puberty around 12 or 13 years old. I remember in middle school being told by teachers us classmates were young adults.

    In my dream I would have been a young adult at home in my dad’s house in the awkwardness of puberty. I cried out, “Dad help” in my dream then woke up. My desk is next to a lamp next to my bed. I got up to type. My desk is also my office space. The light on the ceiling is off. I got up and turned the heater on and saw through the dark to my desk and chair.

    I just got up to smoke a cigarette. Outside at the door of the apartment I call home. I stood facing the street looking beyond where my minivan is parked on the parking lot, beyond the road, above the curb on the other side of the road on the neighbor’s lawn is a tree. The tree is tall and alive and directly in view across from the entrance to the apartment. It’s a quiet night, early in the wee hours of a new day. I put the cigarette out before finishing it then rinsed the smell of tobacco off my hands and gulped milk from the gallon container in the fridge. I live alone. There is no one else to take offense from me drinking directly from the milk container. In the dark I dogged wet spots on the carpet where my dog peed. Later in the morning would be a good time to shampoo the carpet in my room where the dog pees and poops sometimes when I’m away at work during the day.

    There was smoking when I was a young adult. My dad smoked. I started smoking regularly when I was going to middle school.

    Maybe I’m finally getting over the reoccurring dreams I have while I sleep of my dad’s house. I don’t want to be haunted by them.